Junjou Patronus
by The Black Flamingo101
Summary: Oh yes I did. A fun year of banter, drama, and love in the wonderful school of Hogwarts! All Junjou and Hatsukoi couples as well as cameos from Descendants of Darkness, Okane Ga Nai, Hetalia, and others as well! Rated Mature-COMPLETE!-
1. Chapter 1

Oh yes I did :) bwahahaah!

Okay, my second fanfic ever so reviews are always love and cookies. And hey, the more reviews, the more smut I can add ;)

I don't own Harry Potter or Junjou Romantica, because obviously I am not as using hundred dollar bills as wallpaper for my apartment simply because I have too much money and it won't fit in my own version of Mount Rushmore in the backyard...

...yeah. Enjoy :)

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><p>Chapter One: The Sorting Hat<p>

"Look! There's the castle!" The small brunette with wide green eyes exclaimed, straining forward in his seat on the boat. " Hogwarts! Whoa—AH!"

"Misaki," The grey-haired man next to him sighed as the boy nearly fell over the edge. "Sit down and shut it before you fall out of the boat."

He tightened his grip on Misaki's shoulder and yanked the boy so that he was half sitting in his lap.

"Usagi-san!" Misaki raged, trying to untangle himself from the older man. Akihiko paid no attention to his outburst(s) and resume smoking his fourth cigarette. He wasn't sure if they allowed smoking inside, so he tried to put away as many reserves of nicotine as possible during the boat ride.

"Shinobu GET. OFF. ME!" Yelled another smoker from the end of the boat. Miyagi, the oldest member of the boat shoved a young, teenage blond away from him. The blond scowled deeply and tried to shove himself back onto the older man's lap. Miyagi glared straight ahead, smoking like a train and muttering under his breath about hating brats.

The last two member of the boat, unlike the others, sat quietly side by side, the taller one's hand placed on his partner's. But while they weren't conversing with the other four people, they were both shifting uncomfortably in their seats.

Finally, the taller one, a handsome raven-haired man, spoke in a whisper to the other.

"Hiro-San," He said. "What…What if we're not in the same house?"

The smaller one, a man with unruly auburn hair and a scowl set in stone, gritted his teeth.

"You're an idiot Nowaki," He hissed. "We'll deal with that later, if it even happens. Now shut up and enjoy the goddamn boat ride."

Nowaki halfheartedly smiled and lifted his cobalt blue eyes off into the distance. Hiroki, on the other hand, stared down at the floor of the boat, his lips tightly pressed together.

As much as he put up his entirely normal front, the truth was that Hiroki was scared. He knew without a doubt that they wouldn't be put in the same house. They were just way too different, and the prospect of living separately was harrowing. Barely noticing what he was doing, Hiroki turned her hand over and slipped his fingers between Nowaki's, trying to hold onto to his warm, loving partner as long as he could.

The moment the three couples had been anticipating (or dreading) had come.

It was time to be sorted.

And nobody wanted to be first. The three ukes stood next to their partners, each looking more nervous then the last. But, the first one to be called was not one of them.

"Miyagi Yoh."

The oldest man deftly pried away one of Shinobu's hands before walking indifferently over. The hat was barely on his head for ten seconds before it yelled "Ravenclaw!"

Miyagi raised an eyebrow nonchalantly and went to join his group without even a glimpse at his teenage stalker. The honey blond however, watched him intently, his gray eyes determined and unwavering.

"Usami Akihiko."

Akihiko sauntered up, making sure to give Misaki a flirty wink as the hat went on his head of silver hair.

"Slytherin!" The hat shouted immediately. A smirk pulled at Usagi's lips and he strutted over to the banner with the emblem of the serpent.

"Takahashi Misaki."

The teenager slowly went up, trying to hide his timidity but failing miserably. Since he was much shorter than the previous two sortees, he had to pull himself up onto the stool so he could wear the hat. The sorting hat sat for much longer than before, then finally said,

"Hufflepuff!"

Misaki blushed as he heard the Hufflepuffs cheer, but he started to smile as they beckoned him over. Akihiko watched from the Slytherin house. His violet eyes narrowed as he saw some of the badgers being a little too "friendly" with his adorable uke, but he relaxed, an odd smug stirring below his mask of cool clarity.

"Kusama Nowaki."

The tall gentle giant smiled hopefully at Hiroki before the reluctantly dropped their hands. Hiroki watched as Nowaki put the sorting hat on, the shorter man's face contorting between his normal scowl and his quickly surfacing anxiety.

The hat didn't even need five seconds to think.

"Gryffindor!"

Nowaki gave his beloved Hiro-san one last smile of reassurance before he went over and joined the emblem of the lion. Hiroki ignored him, glaring angrily at a spot on the wall to hide how exposed his felt without his tall boyfriend next to him. Even more embarrassing, he wasn't the next one to be called.

"Takatsuki Shinobu."

Hiroki watched irritably as the honey blond stormed forward and took on the hat like it was an opponent to be beaten. Shinobu's determind frown grew as the hat muttered quietly to him. Hiroki thought he saw the teen's lips move briefly, and it was almost a minute before the hat spoke.

"Ravenclaw!"

"What?" Miyagi barked in disbelief as a flicker of a smile crossed Shinobu's lips. The older man was beside himself as the blond strutted over to the emblem of the eagle. How on earth had that little brat gotten in Ravenclaw? It was a house of scholars! People who valued the mind and knowledge and intellect! Not brats who were hell bent on expressing irrational confessions of puppy love! That hat was pulling some sort of shit this time, and Miyagi was not going to let this ruin his experience.

"Kamijou Hiroki."

The last person to be sorted irritably stomped over to the hat, trying to avoid the hundreds of eyes he knew were on him. He snatched the hat and waited, but he didn't have to wait long.

"Ravenclaw!"

At the same time, Hiroki felt a burden lift from his head, but another crash straight onto his heart.

He wasn't with Nowaki.

The auburn-haired man knew that the chances of them being together would be non-existent, but still…

As he walked to the other Ravenclaws, Hiroki's eyes met his boyfriend's. The giant smiled half-heartedly and subtly blew him a kiss. Hiroki bit down hard on his lip, trying to hide the utter brokenness that was crashing down on his head. He jerked his eyes away and looked over at Miyagi, who was trying to yank his arm away from Shinobu, who was chanting another "fate, Miyagi" mantra.

Hiroki's scowl grew deeper.

This was going to be a long year…

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><p>I'll have chapter two up soon :) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW ^_^ *bows *<p>

Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering, I'm a Slytherin. Mainly because I think I'm way too lazy to be a Ravenclaw.


	2. Chapter 2

WAAAHH! There were such kind reviews! *basks in praise *

So there was an update :3...mainly because i don't have school on Thursdays or Fridays and drinking starbucks makes me too lazy to leave the couch.

Chapter three to come soon ^_^ *bows* waaaaahh!

TBF101

P.s. Yeah, I realized there were some pretty funny typos in ch1 (like calling Hiroki "her" on the boat XD) But in order to continue my self-proclaimed reign as the queen of typos, they were necessary...and i forgot to spellcheck...i tend to do that... ...yeah.

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><p>Chapter Two: Houses<p>

Nowaki sat in the Gryffindor common room, becoming familiar with his new home and his housemates. As much as he hated being separated from his Hiro-san, who had been put in Ravenclaw, he was really starting to like the other Gryffindors. They were nice and talkative and he'd already been introduced to an interesting menagerie of characters.

"So Nowaki-kun," Said Tsumori, a blond third year student. "Was that your partner with you? Or are you single?"

Nowaki smiled from his armchair (which was actually big enough to contain the tall man. Luckily Nowaki was not the only giant in Gryffindor house.).

"Yes, that was my Hiro-san," Nowaki said proudly. His chest rose at the thought of his beloved partner, only to drop back down as he remembered that they had been separated for the foreseeable future.

"But he was put in Ravenclaw," Nowaki said, visibly distressed as his cobalt eyes dipped towards his folded hands.

"Ho! You're partner is in Ravenclaw?" Called an equally huge brunette with shocking purple eyes. Nowaki recalled that he said his name was Asato Tsuzuki, and the guy hadn't stopped eating since they'd gotten to the common room.

"Yes, that's right." Nowaki answered. Tsuzuki quickly swallowed a mouthful of pie and excitedly grinned.

"My partner's in Ravenclaw too! What a coincidence!"

Nowaki instantly liked the tall, teddy bear of a man. He practically radiated cheer and goodwill towards all. But he also wondered how it was possible to eat so much without getting extremely sick…

"My Kisa-san is in Ravenclaw too," Said another tall guy with wild blond hair and lots of piercings. He had said his name was Kou Yukina. "He does really well there. He's such an amazing person." Yukina grinned.

Nowaki smiled back just as widely.

"My Hiro-san is incredible too. Ravenclaw must be a really great house."

"Hisoka—mmm—loves it." Tsuzuki added, starting to dig his fork into a nearby cake.

"So," Nowaki reluctantly asked. "Is it…normal to get separated?"

Yukina tilted his head and nodded.

"Oh yes, in fact, most of the Hufflepuffs are all spoken for."

Nowaki raised an eyebrow. Tsumori grinned.

"Oh yeah, because Slytherins are always after the sweet little badgers. Slytherin house is full of animals." Tsumori inclined his head over to another Gryffindor who was sitting in a far corner. "Right Akira?"

The quiet man with ruffled white hair briefly tightened his lips, but nodded.

"That's because Hufflepuff is full of idiots." A barking voice called from the fireplace, though Nowaki could barely understand him because of a thick, foreign accent.

Tsuzuki cocked his head in confusion.

"Ludwig, isn't your partner in Hufflepuff? The one who brings really good pizza?"

The blond haired, blue eyed bear of a man turned and scowled.

"Food is about the only thing he's good for!"

"Really? That's wonderful!" Tsuzuki exclaimed cheerfully between a mouthful of cake.

Nowaki smiled at the exchange. Ludwig seemed like he was a hard ass, but Nowaki could tell that he was a hard working guy with a good heart, as were the other Gryffindors. Still, what was he going to do about Hiro-san and him?

Yukina noticed Nowaki's face fall slightly.

"Don't worry Nowaki-san." He said reassuringly. "Almost all of the couples are split up, but I still see my boyfriend pretty regularly, and he obsessed with his work. I'm sure you and your partner will be just fine."

"I see—mmm—Hisoka too." Tsuzuki added, swallowing a mouthful. "In fact," He grinned. "He says its better that we're in different houses or I'd drive him crazy."

Tsumori chuckled.

"I've seen your partner Tsuzuki-san, and it looks like he can barely stand to be around people period. I can't imagine how the two of you got together."

Tsuzuki shrugged.

"Oh Soka's really not that bad. He's just an empath so it's hard for him to be in crowds. He's really a nice person….deep, deep, DEEP down….really deep down…"

Nowaki smiled at the brunette. He could tell that Tsuzuki and his partner were probably very bonded, and he was happy that there were people in his house that cared as deeply about their partners as he did for Hiro-san.

He inclined his head over to the wide window at the end of the room. He could just about see the astronomy tower that housed Ravenclaw, and wondered just how Hiroki was doing.

"GERMANY! GERMANY! COME OUTSIDE! I HAS PIZZA AND PASTA AND I CAME TO SHARE THEM WITH YOOOUUU!" Yelled a high-pitched voice that sounded strikingly like a yipping dog with a rolling accent.

"Oh vloody hell," Ludwig growled, holding his head in one of his hands.

"Oooo! Let him in! He brought pizza!" Tsuzuki said excitedly, racing towards the portrait hole.

"NO DON'T!" Ludwig barked. "You don't know vhat he's capable ofv!"

Nowaki smiled to himself. This year might not be so bad after all.

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><p>Next will be Ravenclaw :D<p>

And in case you haven't been to my profile, please note: yes, I absolutely had to put Tsuzuki and Hisoka in here. Because I'm obsessed with Descendants and i wuv them :3 (heck, all my favs that aren't Junjou are TsuSoka. LOL)**  
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And cameos are just fun. More to come ;)**  
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**Maggie Mae**- yeah, I was always gonna put Shinobu in Ravenclaw (just to annoy Miyagi), but I actually was originally gonna put Hiroki in Slytherin with Akihiko. I think he's better as a Ravenclaw though :) (you'll see why when I get to that house LOLOLOL) Thank you for the kind review! ^_^

**Don't Preach**- WAAAHH! you're here! Such an honor! :D I'm glad you like my writing and I love that it bites XD LOLOLOL

**X**- omigosh I have heard about you :O I'm glad you are here too and ready for some egoist :D

**Name123**- was this fast enough for you? XD bwahaha!


	3. Chapter 3

Okay. One thing I must mention: I have no life. And normally I consider myself a slow writer. But oh Jesus it's barely taking me any time at all to write these and I am on a major roll! *raised Misaki arms * Bonzai!

:O Yall better enjoy this while it lasts because I don't know if this lack of writer's block will exceed three days...

Also note: some people have asked about the Terrorist couple, and they are not together yet. I thought it would be more fitting to have them fall for each other while in the magical love dovy Hogwarts castle blah blah blah etc etc.

Also also note: I'm pretty much taking Hogwarts and filling it up with all of our fav yaoi couples. So yes, everyone is together (minus terrorist) and banging and whatnot etc etc etc. So, this isn't realllllly a crossover per sae...it's more like I'm stealing the setting for the benefit of yaoi and potter lovers.

Please refrain from throwing books and/or avada kendavra spells. This one doesn't take criticism very well... * face/ corner *

Also the following cameo characters do not belong to me blah blah blah etc etc

All the couples from Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi

Tsuzuki and Hisoka from Descendants of Darkness/ Yami No Matsuei

Akira and Shiki from Togaino no chi

Germany and Italy from Hetalia.

On another note, people are loving the Hetalia cameos :) so rest assured, more will be included.

Thank you all so much for the encouragement! Enjoy the Ravenclaw chapter! *snoopy dance *

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Ravenclaw<strong>

"Hey Kamijou-kun, what are you reading?"

Hiroki looked up from the long line of text and over to the other bed, where a remarkably petite fifth year student with black hair and doe eyes was plowing through a pile of shoujo manga. He had introduced himself as Shouta Kisa.

"The Tale of Genji," Hiroki answered, his rusty eyes flickering back to the page. Kisa nodded in approval.

"I read that a couple years ago, before I got obsessed with manga." He chuckled, pointing to a mostly pink stack roughly the size of China.

"Right Hatori-kun?" Kisa chuckled, motioning to the last bed on the far side of the wall. A tall, broad shouldered man with light brown hair sat silently on the edge of his bed, also immersed in a book. He looked up when Kisa called to him and nodded amiably before turning a page and continuing his read. Kisa smiled and settled back down as well.

Hiroki stared at his own book, but his eyes weren't comprehending the story. His mind was still pacing around in circles, but after a few hours it had slowed from a run into a walk. Truth be told, he was coping much better than he thought he would. After he and the other Ravenclaws had gone back to their common room, everyone had introduced themselves briefly, then gone off to their own corners or rooms to study. Other than the usual question of what was being read, everyone was pretty quiet, which gave Hiroki some much needed relief. As uncomfortable as he was with the separation from his giant goofball, he found solace in being around people who valued books and privacy. Maybe…just maybe, this wouldn't be so bad after all…

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" An all too familiar voice bellowed from the next bedroom. Hiroki's scowl (which had briefly lifted in the peaceful quiet), shot right back down and he tensed his jaw as the smoking Miyagi stormed into their bedroom and locked the door behind him.

"Kamijou my sweet honey! Comfort me!" The man whined melodramatically, throwing himself face first onto Hiroki's bed.

"GET OFF!" Hiroki barked, sending his hard-backed book into a death spiral that collided with the back Miyagi's skull.

"Owww. That's cold." The raven-haired man lamented, looking piteously up at the glaring brunette.

"Get back to your own room moron!" Hiroki snarled, cursing the world for putting Miyagi and him in the same house.

Miyagi's eyes shot out of his head and he stood up in a flash, suddenly dead serious.

". One of you need to switch rooms with me because I am NOT staying in the same room as the brat Shinobu. Hell, he shouldn't even be in this house!"

"Oh, are you the sorting hat now?" Hiroki spat back furiously.

"Come on!" Miyagi pleaded, exchanging glances with Kisa and Hatori. "I'll owe you guys a big one! I just can't share that room with those two frowning blond brats!"

Hiroki glared at the professor, remembering the last Ravenclaw he'd been introduced to (…sort of), a blond kid with wide green eyes who was barely taller than Shinobu and was easily the most anti-social person Hiroki had ever seen (minus himself and Akihiko of course). When asked by the others to introduced himself, the kid had muttered, "Hisoka Kurosaki," and stormed off, his entire body radiating that he didn't NOT want to be around any of them. Which Hiroki was more than happy to oblige…

Kisa smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, Miyagi-kun, but I am the oldest student here…and Hisoka kinda scares me, so…"

Miyagi turned to Hiroki.

"No way in hell." The brunette snarled.

"Asshole…" Miyagi muttered unintelligibly under his breath.

"I'm fine with switching." Hatori cut in indifferently.

"Really?" Miyagi said. Hatori nodded wordlessly. Miyagi had never been so relieved…

"Oh that would work!" Kisa agreed enthusiastically. "Besides, it's really looking like we shouldn't have Miyagi and Shinobu in the same room or they'll just keep fighting. We don't want Hisoka mad…"

Hatori nodded again in agreement. Hiroki raised an eyebrow, not caring either way about the anti social brat being comfortable. Other than Shinobu, Hisoka was easily the youngest one in the house. Even if Hiroki and Miyagi were new, they were still superior in age.

Hatori gathered his things quickly and efficiently and went to trade rooms with Miyagi. Kisa sighed with relief as all the issues were resolved.

"Hatori-kun will be good with Shinobu and Hisoka. He deals with difficult people all the time. From what he's told me, his boyfriend is a handful."

Hiroki raised an eyebrow.

"Boyfriend?"

Kisa nodded.

"Oh yeah, all of us Ravenclaws are spoken for." He smiled. "Hatori's with a Hufflepuff and I'm actually with a Gryffindor."

Hiroki was caught off guard.

"Really?"

Kisa nodded.

"Yeah. Hey wadda 'bout you?"

"I'm…with a Gryffindor too." Hiroki reluctantly muttered. Kisa grinned.

"Oh cool. Hisoka's boyfriend is in that house too."

Hiroki was (severely) taken aback. That sour faced brat was with someone in the SAME HOUSE as his Nowaki?

Whoever could put up with Hisoka had to have some serious balls…

Then again, Nowaki had some serious balls himself….(Figuratively…and literally…..)

Kisa and Hiroki both winced as they heard a violent sounding scuffle ensue in the next room. Shinobu was clearly not happy that his fated lover wanted to be as far away from him as physically possible. More yelling and crashes followed and they could briefly pick out Miyagi bellowing about hating brats and being pissed off, etc etc. Shinobu voiced served as an echo.

Kisa shifted around nervously when the fighting didn't cool down right away. Hiroki rolled his eyes, wondering what was making the petite man so nervous—

_BOOM!_

The entire astronomy tower shook as an invisible wave smacked against the walls of the next room. Hiroki automatically braced himself, gripping onto one of his bedposts as a bit of dust fell down from the ceiling.

Kisa breathed a sigh of relief as the shaking stopped.

"What the hell was that?" Hiroki gapped.

"Looks like all the yelling got to Hisoka…" Kisa murmured softly. Hiroki's mouth dropped. No fucking way…

"JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH!" Miyagi yelled as he raced back into the room and slammed the down behind him, his chest heaving as he braced his back against the door.

"What the fuck did you do!" Hiroki demanded in a rage, his book flying and hitting the nearest wall.

"I didn't do anything!" Miyagi shot back. "Shinobu was screaming and I was yelling and he was yelling and I was yelling and then that creepy blond kid yelled and then I yelled then things went boom! What the hell kind of house is this?"

"Uhh…that would be Hisoka." Kisa chuckled nervously. "We really try to keep the fights to zero around here because of what… happens."

Hiroki scowled. So much for the nice, QUIET, intellectual house of Ravenclaw.

"So, uh," Miyagi muttered, going to sit down on his new bed. "Do these… 'things' happen…often?"

Kisa exhaled heavily.

"Not usually, but…"

Hiroki looked up, his scowl almost getting back to its usual width.

"But?"

"Stuff has been known to happen. Wait till you hear about what happened with Hisoka's boyfriend and the giant white tiger in the great hall last semester…"

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><p>Next up will be the sweet little badgers XDD<p>

**Dont' Preach**- like Oliver Twist, you asked for 'sum ore.' And you will get plenty more ^_^ Huggles to my favorite author/ reader! 3

**XMoymoy**- hopefully my beginning notes clarified the whole terrorist thingy. And there will be plenty of terrorist to come! Glad your here and that you like!

**Failover77**, **Yaoifangirl4ever**, and **Laura**- tank you for the review cookies :3 they went to a good cause.


	4. Chapter 4

Man, writing this chapter made me want cake. So i went in the fridge and stole some pie. Then I got sick. Then I drank tea. Now I want pizza.

Something is wrong me...

Thank you all so much for the praise. I was blushing like a Hufflepuff all day yesterday :3 tank you all

Anyways here is the much anticipated badger chapter ^_^

I don't own any of these characters blah blah blah etc etc.

I hope you all enjoy. Slytherin should be up sometime tomorrow. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go watch Silence of the Lambs.

TBF101

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><p>Chapter Four: Hufflepuff<p>

"Mmm wow Ayase-kun! This is really good!" Misaki exclaimed as he took a bite of his slice of strawberry cake.

The tiny blond who sat next to him smiled bashfully at his praise.

"Thank you Misaki-kun."

The occupants of Hufflepuff house all sat together in a circle near the fireplace, eating cake and welcoming Misaki. The brunette had been a little nervous when they'd come from the great hall, but had relaxed completely in just a short time (along with being pleasantly surprised that he wasn't the shortest member of the group). The housemates he'd been introduced to were polite, kind, and soft-spoken, and plenty of them even liked to cook. They even had a really nice kitchen built into their common room. Misaki was already very attached to his house and he was happy to be given to such a caring group.

"I wonder when Feliciano- kun will be back," Chiaki, a dark brunette with wide blue eyes, said wistfully. Misaki and him had hit it off right away because they were both diehard fanboys of "The Kan." Misaki had learned right away that while Chiaki did not like to cook as much as Ayase, he was more than happy to eat what was made, including the Italian Hufflepuff's very authentic-tasting pizza.

"He went to go visit his seme in Gryffindor," Ayase replied, cutting another slice of cake in anticipation of Chiaki's appetite.

"Heh?" Misaki said in surprise. "His seme?"

Ayase nodded.

"Yes, why do you ask?"

Misaki blushed.

"Oh er—no reason." He stammered, taking another bite of cake.

Ayase saw his blush, which led to him blushing as well.

"Do…um…I-I don't mean to sound rude Misaki-kun but…do you have…a seme too?"

The hue of Misaki's blush went three shades darker.

"Uh…oh erm…uh n-no it's not like that—um what I mean is—"

"What house is he in?" Everyone cut in at once.

Misaki swallowed.

"S-Slytherin."

All mouths in the room immediately dropped, as did someone's fork.

Misaki looked over and saw one of the older hufflepuffs, who had light brown hair and green eyes similar to his own. Onodera's empty hand was frozen in the air, his fingers trembling.

"Is—Is there something wrong?" Misaki asked, hoping he hadn't somehow upset anyone.

"So…uh…what is your seme…like?" Ayase asked slowly, his pretty blue eyes still locked with Misaki's.

"Well," Misaki snorted. "He's tall and he's arrogant and he smokes like a train and thinks he owns the whole damn world and expects everyone else to wait on him hand and foot and buys whatever he wants and wastes his money and is way too overprotective and paranoid and can't even use a damn microwave and on top of that is always doing stuff to me— er wait! I didn't mean that last one!…Uh, are you guys sure there isn't something wrong?"

Everyone in Hufflepuff had gone pale. (Well paler. They all had remarkably white skin to start with.)

"N—NO!" Onodera yelled suddenly, a blush creeping into his cheeks. "There is absolutely nothing wrong!"

His outburst didn't comfort Misaki.

"Uh listen," He said, standing up and raising his palms. "I—I hope I didn't say something I shouldn't have and I'm sorry if I did. I really am."

The other members' eyes all softened. Yep, definitely a Hufflepuff.

"You didn't upset anyone, Misaki-kun," Ayase said reassuringly as Misaki sat back down. "It's just well…all of our semes are in… Slytherin too…and, they're all…exactly like yours…"

It was Misaki's turn for his mouth to drop.

"What?" He exclaimed. "You're ALL with Slytherins?"

Ayase swallowed hard, nodding.

"Yes, except for Feli-kun, and Chiaki-kun who's with a Ravenclaw. But even he has a Slytherin who's out to get him."

"Hey now!" Chiaki shot back. "Yuu is just a friend."

Onodera snorted.

"With the eyes he makes at you?"

Chiaki's lip puckered up into a tight frown.

"Yeah well what about you and TA-KAN-NO? You smelled like cigarettes just yesterday."

Onodera's eyes promptly shot out of his head again and splattered onto the nearest wall.

"TH—THAT HAS N-NOTHING T-TO—You're wrong! I'm not with Takano-San and I never will be!"

Misaki had been a part of Hufflepuff for all of fifteen minutes, and even he could see that this guy had some serious denial issues. (Even for a Hufflepuff.)

"What do you mean 'smelled like cigarettes'?" Misaki cocked his head.

Ayase visibly gulped.

"Well you see…like your seme, almost all the other Slytherins are smokers so their common room smells terrible…a-and when… they take you back to their…rooms…you usually smell like cigarettes…after." Ayase's mop of blond hair drooped, and he nervously tightened his shaking fists. Onodera looked like he was shuddering as well.

Misaki's lips tightened at how distressed his new friends were.

"Why don't you just tell someone?" He suggested. "Isn't it banned to be in another house without permission?"

Ayase flinched at the idea.

"It is but… to tell you the truth, I prefer Kanou-san's bed room to…other…places."

Misaki cocked his head.

"Other places?"

Onodera shifted uncomfortably and reluctantly admitted.

"S-sometimes they…do it…in other places to…compete with each other…or…prove a point. One…t-time…T-Takano-san took me to an empty c-classroom…" Onodera dropped his head and stared at the floor. Chiaki rubbed his back comfortingly.

"They have this big contest," Ayase added forlornly. "Called "Slytherin King" where they see who can…do it…in the most unexpected place possible…K-Kanou-san is king right now…"

"Why?" Misaki asked.

Ayase's eyes joined Onodera's in looking at the floor.

"We…did it…in the…h-headmaster's office…"

Misaki's eyes out of his head like a gun (though this too was beginning to be recognized as a regular occurrence.)

"No way…" He said, horrified. With Usagi's planet encompassing ego, he was sure to join in.

Misaki was going to be screwed. (…Literally.) And in more places than one.

Chiaki patted Ayase's back too, all the while thanking his lucky stars that his seme was a Ravenclaw, though he did have the same tendencies for overbearing jealousy and random bursts of hornyness. Even still, Ayase's seme was by far the scariest being he had ever seen and he was thunderstruck at how Ayase could survive.

"It's okay," Chiaki tried to comfort them. "No matter what, we'll always have the common room."

At this, Onodera and Ayase perked up a little. Misaki glanced at Chiaki.

"Can they not get in here?"

Onodera's frown turned into a satisfied smirk.

"Nope. We have passwords, and even if they try to force their way in or blackmail us, they can't get in. It's the rule."

Ayase smiled as well, but not nearly as snarkily.

"The Hufflepuff common room is our safe house. No matter what, we can always come back here and be with each other."

"And even more importantly," Onodera added. "NOT be with THEM."

Chiaki laughed.

"I'm glad the rule is just for Slytherins though. I think I'd starve to death if Tori didn't come here to feed me. I'm getting hungry just thinking about his sweet omelets…"

"Oh! I know how to make those!" Misaki said, itching to try out the Hufflepuff kitchen.

Chiaki was ecstatic, and everyone else was happy too.

There was no doubt in their minds that Misaki belonged with them.

What they didn't know, was that Akihiko also very much belonged in Slytherin…

* * *

><p><strong>Don't Preach<strong>- Congrats again on finishing Neko Hiro! X3 wuv you lots my gay twin! *huggles *

**XMoymoy**- I was rather fond of the Jesus line myself XDD

**Yaoifangirl4ever**- *hugs back * :3

**Kawaiichibi-tan**- I always thought I was a genius but this is the first time someone called me that. I guess i was right. XD thank you!

**X**- Tee hee, I always thought that Tsuzuki and Nowaki would be bosom friends, seeing as how they're both teddies. Tsuzuki and Hisoka are actually very similar to the egoist couple. But it's funny that Hisoka and Hiroki so far don't get along. They say that when you meet someone just like yourself you either get along great or you hate each other. I guess Hiroki is the latter ;) glad your enjoying! I knew about you because my bosom friend Don't Preach mentioned you all the time in Neko Hiro etc :) nice to have you here!

**Laura**- thanks for the review! Hope you liked the badgers!

*cue badger song *


	5. Chapter 5

As much as I don't like to brag...(well okay i do. kinda...) ya'll are gonna love this chapter ;)

Thanks again for all the reviews! ^_^ It's been such a big help to know that people are reading and I update faster when I get such nice reviews. (wink wink, hint HINT)

I'm glad every is liking the cameos too :) I thought about adding more like maybe Soubi and Ritsuka from Loveless, but decided against it. Mainly because I have no idea where the fuck those two would be house wise. Especially with Ritsuka and his multiple personalities... Seimei would definetely be a Slytherin though...and possibly a deatheater. Scary ass man...

And on a completely different note, SEKAI ICHI HATSUKOI SEASON TWO PREMIERED TODAY! XD I watched the first ep and it totally made up for the craptastic ending of season one. It's the ep where Onodera get's drunk in Takano's living room and it was fabulous! (sans hard smut though but that's been a tragic trend in this anime adaption -_- sigh)

Anyways. Enjoy. Smile. Review. Make me happy. Love. Peace. Cookies. Ropes. Yaoi.

TBF101

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Slytherin<strong>

Akihiko hadn't been in Slytherin house for more than five minutes before he realized something.

He was gonna fucking LOVE this place.

Upon arriving in the common room, Akihiko had taken a breath and was amazed. The amount of secondhand smoke in the room was nearly enough to satisfy his craving. His appetite wetted for more luscious nicotine, he had quickly pulled out a cig and then promptly asked, "Hey, who's got a light?"

Almost every single hand in the room had shot up, different colored lighters all stuck between their fingers.

Akihiko almost wept. He was home.

He had also noticed immediately that most of the other Slytherins were all tall, well-built, smoking sadists with expensive clothes and were all so good looking it simply had to be a crime.

In other words, they were all EXACTLY like him.

At first, it had his seme senses tingling so hard he feared that his head would explode from the jealousy, but his fears were soon put to rest as he was told that each of his housemates, like himself, had a sweet little badger to call upon each night (and sometimes right after lunch too). And it had clearly been implied that no one would touch his Misaki as long as he and everyone else kept to their own pieces of the Hufflepuff pie. Everyone was equally as jealous for their own ukes, so he was reasonably assured that no fences would be jumped.

Akihiko took out another cigarette, glancing around the long, dark oak table where he and his fellow semes were playing poker. (Uke strip poker had been suggested, but then denied as all the jealous semes realized that this would entail all the other semes seeing more of their precious badgers than they were comfortable with.)

Two strikingly tall men with dark hair sat across the table. Their names were Masamune Takano and Takafumi Yokozawa, and the two of them seemed to be good friends. On Akihiko's right sat a much shorter brunette named Yuu Yanase. It was rare that a man of such small stature would be considered a seme, but Akihiko could see cunning and sadism in his strikingly red eyes. It would only be an advantage to Yanase to underestimate him.

And finally, on Usami's left, at the head of the table, sat King Kong in human seme form. A towering man with narrow eyes and the air of a mafia boss named Somuku Kanou. Just by looking at him, Akihiko couldn't help but think that if he actually gave a damn about business affairs he and the gorilla would be quite similar.

Akihiko drew a card and glanced across the common room as he saw another Slytherin cross the room with a coiled rope around his shoulder and leave the house. Yanase snickered.

"Looks like Shiki's going for nightly booty call on his Gryffindor."

Akihiko grunted under his breath.

"Ropes are tacky. I prefer classic handcuffs."

Yanase's smile widened.

"No, he's fond of handcuffs himself. He uses the rope to scale up the tower."

Akihiko raised an eyebrow.

"Showman is he?"

Takano snorted.

"Hah, it's just to prove to his uke that he can. From what I hear, that one actually puts up one hell of a fight. Knives are part of their foreplay."

Kanou grumbled under his breath.

"Good thing he has specific tastes. If he ever went after Ayase I'd kill him, but I imagine it would be difficult. Shiki's one crazy bastard."

"Hufflepuffs aren't his type." Yanase smiled musingly. "So we're all lucky."

Yokozawa snorted.

"You aren't even dating that Hufflepuff. He's with that Ravenclaw."

"For now." Yanase replied, his eyes glinting like a predator on a hunt. "And I'm not the only one, right Takano?"

Takano's eye narrowed, but he exhaled a plume of smoke and laughed.

"Is that so? I suppose all of you didn't hear him howling like a wolf in my bedroom the other night?"

"Ravenclaw could hear that idiot." Yokozawa scowled in distaste, but Takano let the slight go.

"How's Operation: Onodera Confession going?" Yanase asked smugly. This time Takano did growl.

"Probably the same as Operation Chiaki and Ayase confession." He retorted.

Yanase and Kanou's eyes hardened into steel. Usagi rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to groan himself.

"What the hell is with those damn badgers in NOT. OWNING. UP?" Kanou snarled deep from within his chest.

"Please," Usagi snorted. "Denial is the fifth ingredient in their DNA."

"It's also not a river in Egypt." Takano muttered sharply under his breath. "But seriously, he rants ALL THE FUCKING TIME about not being in love with me, and then we fuck anyways! What the bloody hell is with him? " 'T-Takano-san stop! I don't want it! It hurts—oh god! Yes yes yes! Hit me harder! Hit me harder! Wait stop! I'm not in love with you!—oh my god I'm gonna cum! Ahhhh!' How the hell am I supposed to take that?"

"Like I've never heard THAT rant before." Usagi snorted.

"Every single time." Kanou growled. "I have to get Ayase drunk just so he'll relax."

Yokozawa glanced up and grinned.

"How relaxed was he in the Headmaster's office?"

All the semes immediately laughed and banged their fists on the table.

"Long live the king." Takano said, lifting his cigarette in homage.

"Damn right." Kanou smiled haughtily. "Beat that."

Yanase sighed.

"I don't know if there is a way to beat that. Face it guys, you've fucked those badgers in every inch of this castle. What's left that hadn't been done?"

Takano tilted his head back and thought.

"How 'bout on a broom in the air during a Quidditch match? Out in the open and completely public?"

Yokozawa rolled his eyes.

"I'd like to see you get that cunt Onodera up there without him passing out."

"It would only count if they didn't faint," Kanou added. "And, with a Hufflepuff, that's more than likely to happen."

Takano sighed.

"I guess everything HAS been done. How depressing."

"Except their house." Yanase muttered.

Akihiko raised an eyebrow.

"Can't get in?"

All of Slytherin simultaneously scowled.

"That's the only place we can't touch 'em." Kanou snarled slowly and menacingly. Takano growled as well. They all knew that if there was ONE THING badgers were good for (besides fucking, making them food, and in general being cute) it was digging holes and hiding in them.

"So," Akihiko said, his lavendar eyes sparkling with their own devious glint. "I guess the only thing that would top the headmaster's office would be…the Hufflepuff common room."

All seme eyes were immediately on him.

"Hah! I'd like to see you try." He laughed. The other semes joined in with their own chuckles and Usagi laughed as well.

But they wouldn't be laughing for long. They'd only be hailing him as the new king of badger fucking.

Because while badgers were good at digging holes, rabbits were even better at finding them.

Yokozawa glanced at the black grandfather clock on the far wall.

"It's almost nine." He said, glancing at Kanou.

The gorilla nodded.

"Just about time to read from the Bible."

Usagi raised an ash gray eyebrow.

"Bible?"

Kanou nodded.

"The official Slytherin Bible, the Seme Handbook."

Akihiko laughed.

"Oh please, I have the Seme Handbook memorized."

Kanou grinned back.

"Yes, but do you have the extended DVD version with practical demonstrations?"

Akihiko nearly wept again.

He really was home.

And soon, he would be king of it.

* * *

><p><strong>Egoistfangirl<strong>- I love your reviews! Arigato Gozaimasu ^_^ And head's up because the next chap is an Egoist citrus ;D

**X**- from one creep to another, I'm glad you find my OCD reviews funny :) Hope you enjoyed Slytherin as much as Hufflepuff XD

**KawaiiChibi-Tan**- You are so sweet! X3

**Laura**- Hope you like the Slytherins too! Thanks for your faithful reviews ^^

**XMoymoy**- I'm so honored by your review *blush* Thank you so much!

**Don't Preach**- I hope your inner gay man loved this as much as mine loved Bedside Manners XD Huggles always!

And to everyone else, thanks for reading! Drop a review :3


	6. Chapter 6

Ya'll are getting a double chapter tonight :) :) :) Mainly because I made an agreement with twin Cerberus that I'd post tonight if she kept updating the Uke Flu (GOD I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPPPENNSS!) So I wrote. and wrote. and it turned out longer than i thought. Meaning all of you will reap the benefits.

On another note, turns out there was an ep of season two of Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi that I didn't know about that showed last Sept. So I looked it up and it was a Hatori/Chiaki ep! ^_^ And it was sooooo gooooooood! It was, as Misaki would put it "Lovely dovy and rose colored" and I thought i would die of the sheer fluffiness. If you google search episode 12.5 it should come up. :)

Enjoy 6 and 7! Review replies will be at the end of 7 :) hope you enjoy the lemon. Hey that rhymes...

TBF101

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><p>Chapter Six: Lines<p>

Hiroki walked out of Ravenclaw house, shoving his hands in his pockets. He leaned against the stone wall of the corridor, glancing down each of the far halls. Sure enough, he spotted the big goof from nearly twenty feet away, almost running down the hall and waving frantically at him. The giant was dressed casually, in dark blue jeans, a long sleeved green shirt, and a black short-sleeved shirt pulled over it. Hiroki was a bit more conservative, in khakis and a brown V-neck.

"Hiro-San!" Nowaki called, grinning as Hiroki glanced at him dryly. Nowaki slowed down and walked the last few steps, panting slightly from his pace. Hiroki rolled his eyes.

"I hope I'm not late." Nowaki said, his sides still heaving a bit.

"Idiot," Hiroki muttered. "We weren't supposed to meet for another ten minutes. Why the hell were you running here?"

"Because," Nowaki grinned, showing all thirty-two teeth. "I wanted to see you."

"Moron." Hiroki snorted, his slight not even putting the slightest damper on the giant's beaming smile.

"So where do you wanna go Hiro-san? I have all afternoon free."

Hiroki shrugged.

"Maybe outside."

Nowaki nodded and took Hiroki's slender hand. Hiroki preformed his customary front of growling and muttered about public displays of affection, but Nowaki noticed musingly that Hiroki didn't pull his hand away. He was glad. While he was surrounded by good-hearted friends in Gryffindor house, he still felt like half of him was missing all the time. The giant involuntarily squeezed his Hiro-san's hand, feeling very complete for the first time in days.

Hiroki was feeling the same way. Ravenclaw was quiet and it gave him many opportunities to study and learn and read. But, as much as he hated admitting this, the people there were too similar to him. They were all equally as quiet (except for Miyagi and Shinobu. They were still going at it like cats, which was not pleasant at all, especially when their fights were at three o'clock in the morning.) and bookish and somber. It actually reminded Hiroki of when he was infatuated with Akihiko. Yes, they had comparable tastes and they thought and even looked alike expression wise, but ever since Nowaki had replaced Akihiko in his life, Hiroki had realized that what he'd always unknowingly been looking for was someone who wasn't like him. Someone who didn't read about people doing things, but actually did them. Someone who loved people. Someone who showed emotion. Someone who could love him without being ashamed.

And unfortunately, while Nowaki was enjoying his house (except for missing Hiroki incessantly), Hiroki was beginning to dread being in Ravenclaw. To him, the houses didn't bring alike people together, it separated them. It made the lines of personality become thick, visible barriers. As much as he tried to hide it, Hiroki was barely holding on without Nowaki. He had no one to balance him, and he felt the seesaw begin to tip so far over he feared he would fall off.

But worst of all, he didn't know what to do about it.

"Are you getting lost of reading done, Hiro-san?" Nowaki asked as the couple walked down the stairs in the direction of the great hall.

"Most of the time," Hiroki mumbled back. "Except when that idiot Miyagi and that brat Shinobu are fighting about 'destiny' or whatever. They keep me up all bloody night."

Nowaki glanced at him.

"Do you have trouble sleeping Hiro-san?" He asked, picking up on a vibe that Hiroki didn't even know he let out.

"Dingbat! Anyone would have trouble sleeping if two people were screaming in the common room all night!" Hiroki snarled back.

"Yes, I can imagine so." Nowaki smiled. The giant had actually missed Hiroki's hourly outbursts quite a bit. The only one who yelled regularly in Gryffindor was Ludwig, and that usually coincided with his partner calling on him with plates of pasta and singing him songs with odd lyrics.

The two egoists crossed past the great hall to head outside, making their way through other couples that were spending time together. Nowaki was eyeballing a couple of giant looking Slytherins when he spotted Tsuzuki coming out of the great hall with an entire pie.

"Tsuzuki-san!" Nowaki waved. Tsuzuki momentarily set down his fork to wave back and then came over to them.

"Hi Nowaki-kun!" Tsuzuki greeted warmly.

"This is one of my housemates." Nowaki informed Hiroki before turning back to the Gryffindor.

"Tsuzuki-san, I'd like you to meet my partner."

The giant brunette's unnatural purple eyes widened.

"Oh! You must be Hiro-san!"

"That's Kamijou to you!" Hiroki snarled back, shooting Nowaki a fiery glare. Tsuzuki didn't seem to mind the threatening tone though.

"Oh I see," He smiled sincerely. "Kamijou-kun then."

In spite of his current level of chagrin, Hiroki couldn't help but notice a slight similarity in the two overlarge Gryffindors. They gave off the aura of warmth with only tiny differences in flavor. With his recent thoughts on balancing opposites, Hiroki couldn't help but be a bit drawn to someone so comparable to his Nowaki.

The giant teddy bear of a brunette peered down the hall and began to wave someone over, almost dropping his pie in the process.

"Hisoka! Hisoka over here!"

Hiroki's rusty eyes nearly shot out of his head as he saw the other Ravenclaw approach and sharply comment,

"Tsuzuki are you eating again?"

Hiroki was taken aback. That bad-tempered brat who'd nearly taken their ceiling down the other day was actually with someone so close to Nowaki? He didn't know why but he was strangely outraged.

"They had apple pie! Do you want some?" Tsuzuki grinned excitedly.

"No." Hisoka retorted dryly. The teen's large green eyes wandered from Tsuzuki to Hiroki and Nowaki. Hiroki stared back with equal hardness, and was a tad surprised when he saw the teen wince. The green eyes then went over to Nowaki, and Hiroki was shocked again to see them somewhat soften.

"Nowaki-kun," Tsuzuki smiled amiably. "This is Hisoka. Hisoka, this is Nowaki. He's in Gryffindor with me."

Nowaki smiled knowingly at the blond.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Hisoka-kun."

"Likewise," Hisoka answered quietly, giving the raven giant a nod. Hiroki saw Nowaki start to stretch his palm out as an offer to shake hands, but Hiroki was puzzled to see Nowaki quickly replace his hand at his side.

"Oooo Hisoka!" Tsuzuki cut in (loudly). "We should go over to Hufflepuff! They've been baking all day and I could smell them all the way from my common room!"

Hisoka sighed.

"Idiot," He muttered. "If you get indigestion again I'm not going to drag to you to the infirmary."

Tsuzuki laughed.

"If you ask me, delicious food is totally worth the indigestion. Hey! You think maybe the Hufflepuffs would let me use their kitchen sometime to cook?"

Hisoka's green eyes widened in horror at the mention of Tsuzuki's cooking. It was legendary…for being incredibly awful. Some of his muffins had once even poisoned the magical Snow Queen while they were in Hokkaido. Hisoka mentally noted to tell the Hufflepuffs not to let Tsuzuki near their kitchen at any cost if they knew what was good for them. (Which was to NOT eat any of Tsuzuki's truly awful concoctions.)

"We should go Tsuzuki." Hisoka said, glancing one last time at the other couple.

"Well, it was really nice meeting you Kamijou-kun," Tsuzuki smiled. "Hope to see you around Gryffindor sometime."

Hiroki nodded and Nowaki waved the two off. Hiroki watched the two of them leave side by side. Once they were a few feet away, he saw Tsuzuki take Hisoka's small, pale hand. And to Hiroki's confusion, Hisoka weaved his fingers in between the larger man's.

The auburn-haired man stood there aghast.

How those two got together was certainly one of the larger mysteries of the world.

* * *

><p>Lol, I know this chap was really more of a Descendants of Darkness crossover lol. But I really am obsessed. I'm surprised how many people haven't heard of it. It's a shounen Ai, and it's pretty actionyhorrory, but it has some realllllly good emotional aspects to it. The anime is only 14 eps and all the official dubs are available free on youtube (and I LOVE Tsuzuki and Hisoka's dub actors! squee!). So it your looking for a good watch, I highly recommend it.

Just please don't become Muraki fans. That guy creeps me the fuck out.

Enjoy the seven lemon XD


	7. Chapter 7

GOOD FUCKING GOD my stupid beagle WOULD NOT SHUT UP when I was writing this. Do you know how hard it is to write lemons with a dog barking?

Surprisingly hard.

...whoops lol. Pun not intended.

I'll shut up now. REVIEW. MAKE ME HAPPY!

**TBF101**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven: Balance<strong>

Hiroki and Nowaki finally made it outside into the breezy, sunny afternoon. They walked slowly and serenely through a field that bordered a shady forest, breathing the fresh air and letting their joined hands sway slightly as they moved.

"Nowaki," Hiroki said quietly, not wanting to disturb the intimacy of each other's presence. "Why didn't you shake that kid's hand when we were inside earlier?"

Nowaki's expressive blue eyes drifted over to his lover. He gave Hiroki a somewhat melancholy smile.

"Tsuzuki-san had told me a lot about his partner, and I luckily I remembered that Hisoka-kun doesn't shake hands."

Hiroki's brow furrowed irksomely.

"Why not? Is that brat so fucking awkward he can't even shake your hand?"

"It's not that," Nowaki answered. "Hisoka-kun is an empath."

Hiroki rolled his eyes. Whatever an 'empath' was didn't seem like a good enough excuse to not be fucking polite.

"Which is?" He spat.

"Tsuzuki-san told me that it means that Hisoka involuntarily channels other people's emotions. So put simply, if you're next to him, whatever you're feeling, he feels it too."

Hiroki's rusty eyes widened.

"No way." He said, a bit shocked.

Nowaki nodded.

"Yeah, Tsuzuki-san said it's rather hard on him. He can't control it very much so he's forced to feel what other people feel. Confusion, sadness, anger, everything. And he mentioned that physical contact makes it worse, so that's why he doesn't shake hands or touch people."

Hiroki swallowed hard at the word 'anger' and immediately felt guilty about his previous judgments. He felt even more uncomfortable when he remembered how Hisoka had winced when Hiroki looked at him. The teen had felt all of the emotions that were swirling in the vortex of Hiroki's mind. The anger, the embarrassment, bitterness, disdain…

The loneliness. The emptiness. Everything.

It was more unnerving for Hiroki to think that someone could not just read his mind, but read every emotion that passed through his mind and festered there like a cancer.

A tiny piece of Hiroki was also embarrassed that he'd made the teen feel all those negative emotions. No wonder the kid couldn't stand to be around him.

It was then, that Hiroki was able to see part of the reason why Hisoka was with Tsuzuki. Like Hiroki, the teen also craved warmth he could not generate himself…

He didn't know exactly why, but the auburn-haired man felt the empty weight on his chest sink to a new low. He held Nowaki's hand tighter, trying to channel the giant's warmth into his entire body.

"Hiro-san," Nowaki said, breaking their momentary silence. "Let's go into the forest."

"Fine." Hiroki murmured, matching strides with his lover.

The two entered the leafy canopy of the quiet forest. Unlike the golden-lit field, the sunlight filtering through the green leaves gave the forest a softer light. It was soothing to Hiroki's heated eyes and mind. Just the quiet rustle of the leaves, the tall, silent observing trees, and comfort of Nowaki—

Hiroki gasped as he felt his back make contact with the rough bark of an oak tree. His lower lip dropped slightly as Nowaki snatched both his hands and pinned them above his head.

"What are you doing Nowak—" Hiroki's words were cut off by the giant's hot lips pressing against his own. Hiroki sucked in a breath of shock, his parted mouth suddenly invaded by Nowaki's long, rough tongue. The raven-haired man pressed his hot, muscular body against the smaller man, and Hiroki grunted as he felt one of Nowaki's knees lift and rub in between his legs.

Hiroki opened his mouth wider, allowing the giant full access to his mouth and groaning as Nowaki took advantage of it. The smaller man felt raw hunger and desperation in his boyfriend's movements. Right now he knew that Nowaki wanted to devour him.

And Hiroki was desperate to be devoured.

Nowaki felt Hiroki's wrists strain against his hands. At first he let it go, thinking the man was just reacting to his movements. But when the struggling persisted, Nowaki grew worried. Did Hiro-san not what him to touch him? And as much as Nowaki was hungry for his lover's body, his heart overruled the decision to ignore Hiro-san's protests. Their mouths still locked, Nowaki reluctantly dropped his hands and waited for his older lover's reaction. But it was his turned to be shocked when Hiroki's hands didn't push him away, but slid underneath his arms and gripped handfuls of the back of his shirt. Hiroki tipped his head back, the change in angle making their kiss even deeper. Nowaki roughly grabbed his partner's waist and slid his hands underneath Hiroki's shirt, his fingers rising and falling with every strong delicious curve and groove of Hiro-san. The older man did the same, his fingers almost trembling as he felt Nowaki's coiled, rippling muscles underneath his burning skin. He gripped tighter at the younger man, letting the solid, loving form of Nowaki fill the emptiness in his chest.

They finally broke their kiss, their heaving exhales bouncing off each other's lips.

"Hiro-san…Hiro-san…" Nowaki breathed, moving his mouth down and attaching his lips to Hiroki's pale neck. Hiroki let out a light gasp, his eyes glazing over as currents of burning electricity began to pool in his chest and lower body. Nowaki sucked and bit hungrily at his neck, soaking Hiroki's skin with his wet mouth. Hiroki arched his neck and caught one of Nowaki's ears, sliding his slick tongue over the shell in between pants. His back curved as Nowaki's warm, dexterous hands smoothed over the plains of his body and pinched and fondled his hard, pink nipples. Hiroki moaned and pawed harder at Nowaki's back, wanting, craving more of the giant's heat. Nowaki felt his lover's hunger and his hand traveled south, sliding down to the button of Hiroki's jeans.

"AH!" Hiroki gasped as Nowaki's warm hand encircled his already blazing member and began to intensely stroke it. Hiroki's hands slid out of Nowaki's shirt and weaved through the raven hair at the back of his head, grasping it tighter and tighter as Nowaki's pace increased.

But even in the throes of sensation, Hiroki wanted more. He wanted to hear Nowaki moan his name and see those cobalt eyes glazed in desire. Without interrupting the giant's strokes, Hiroki reached his hand down and roughly squeezed Nowaki's bulging package.

The giant let out a huge moan that Hiroki drank in as his mouth caught Nowaki's. The two sweating men sensuously rolled their tongues together and moaned unashamedly as their hands continued to stroke each other's rapidly hardening cocks.

Hiroki felt pressure building in his lower body, but he didn't stop his hand. And by the look on Nowaki's face, he was close as well.

"Hiro-san," Nowaki panted. "Let's come…together."

Hiroki nodded and squeezed Nowaki's burning cock as he felt his own burst in a climax. Both men stiffened and moaned in sheer pleasure as they came hard and long.

"You're an idiot Nowaki." Hiroki muttered as the two walked across the field to go back inside. After the two had finished their little hand-job session in the woods, Hiroki had realized (much to his eternal embarrassment.) that his shirt was covered in a mixture of him and Nowaki and there was no fucking way he was going to walk back to his common room looking like this. Nowaki had grinned and promptly pulled off his stained black shirt. His long-sleeved green shirt had remarkably come out (no pun intended) unscathed. Nowaki wordlessly pulled it off and handed it to his flushed boyfriend, who wrinkled his nose at it, but snatched it anyways.

But even though Hiroki was now respectably (or semi-respectably at least as Nowaki's shirt was rather big on him) clothed, Nowaki was walking through the field bare-chested… and looking rather pleased doing it.

Hiroki scowled at down at his feet, hoping the glow his partner was emitting wouldn't accidentally blind him.

After about ten minutes (and various run-ins with catcalling Slytherins and Nowaki's Gryffindor buddies giving him thumbs up), they made it back to the corridors. Hiroki was about to mutter a goodbye, leave, and go up to him room to try to regain some of his dignity, when Nowaki said,

"Hiro-san, would you mind coming to Gryffindor tonight?"

Hiroki raised an auburn eyebrow.

"Why?"

Nowaki smiled, still aglow from the forest romp.

"I'm afraid I really haven't been sleeping that well. You see, the left side of my bed is slightly higher than the right, and I was thinking that it you slept on one side, it would be a little more balanced."

Hiroki's eyes narrowed and he snorted.

"Well that means I probably won't get any damn sleep." He growled.

"Just one night, Hiro-san?" Nowaki smiled.

"Is your house even okay with that?" Hiroki scowled. "You better not get me in trouble."

Nowaki shook his head.

"Nope, everyone is completely fine. My housemates have their partners stay the night quite frequently."

That made sense. Hiroki recalled a lot of nights where Kisa was strangely absent, and even Hisoka was missing once in awhile.

"Fine." Hiroki said, making sure to roll his eyes and scowl extra hard.

Nowaki beamed.

"Thank you Hiro-san," He said, giving Hiroki a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Just don't let this become a regular occurrence. And don't kiss me in public stupid!" Hiroki snapped, storming off in a huff. He rounded the corner, and couldn't help but let out a tiny smile of gratitude.

* * *

><p>Next we'll switch to Romantica, and then Terrorist :3<p>

**Egoistfangirl**- Correct me if I'm wrong, but from your last comment I take it you are somewhat of a Takano fan? I could be wrong. Complete stab in the dark... XD Thanks for the head's up on the mysterious fourth couple ;) I might have some more material! woot! (And Masamune Takano is a dark haired, glasses wearing, sexy editing stallion. Squee.) I love your reviews :)

**XMoymoy**- yeah, I don't think Miyagi would've been happy in Slytherin. Just guessing though. I love your reviews, and I have a slight hankering to watch Harry now myself ;)

**X**- Yay! Stalking party! *snoopy dance* Hope you enjoyed Egoist ^_^

**Kawaiichibi-Tan**- You review made me laugh just as hard XD and it made me happy ^_^ taaank you. (and season two is SO AWESOME! WAAAH!)

My GT **Cerberus**- I gave you lemon! Please keep updating! T_T (yay! Escort soon!) Wuv you always!

To everyone else who is reading/subscribing/stalking, drop a review pwease! ^_^ and feel free to make requests!

Roo.

**TBF101**


	8. Chapter 8

Welp, I hope you all survived the one day I didn't upload lol. But cramps called and they wanted my entire day yesterday and I couldn't cancel the appointment. But oh how I wish I could...

But right now, I am peacefully hopped up on pain pills so I'm given you guys a nice Romantica fluff chapter :)

I know there hasn't been a whole lot of Potter stuff (specially in the last chapter lol), but I can start including more now that I have all the introductory stuff outta the way. If you have any requests or ideas on how I could make this more potter friendly, just let me know :) but keep in mind that I probably won't included any of the HP characters, simply because I have far too many characters to worry about already lol. But I'd be happy to hear any suggestions.

Thanks for reading and all the wonderful reviews. Omigosh i have a following :3 *blush * A following! waaaah!

TBF101

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><p>Chapter Eight: Defense<p>

Akihiko reached a long, muscled arm over the side of the couch and took hold of his previously discarded shirt. He reached into the front pocket and located the half empty (or half full depending of the point of view) box of cigarettes. He took one between his pale lips and shoved his fingers into his pocket for a light.

"Usagi-san…" An exhausted voice mewled. "Do you have to smoke right now?"

"Yep." Akihiko replied, lighting the cigarette and tossing his shirt back on the floor. Once his other hand was free, he weaved his fingers into the head of chocolate brown locks that was placed on one of his clothed thighs. The older man stroked Misaki's hair back from his sweaty forehead, smirking as the teen made light humming sounds of relaxation.

"Are you tired Misaki badger?" He cooed, tracing a finger around the brunette's swollen lips. Misaki growled quietly in reply, too sated to even give Akihiko a halfway decent lecture on the man being an ass and a horrible human being in general.

What could he say? Couch sex was tiring.

This particular session of badger fucking had (of course) been instigated by Akihiko, who was arguably as hungry as a famine stricken third-world country for a dose of Misaki, which he hadn't gotten in almost four days (a record for him). So the rabbit blew off some reading and decided to pounce on his badger when he came out of class.

The students this year at Hogwarts had been given two options for studying in an attempt to encourage a more personality specified environment. The students were either allowed to go to regular classes and interact with other students, or to self-study in their houses. Needless to say, Akihiko was enjoying the fact that he could more or less do whatever the fuck he wanted. His work barely took any time (which was also a bad thing because it gave him too much time to daydream about Misaki and read through the extended Seme handbook for more ideas to try out with his badger. Plus, he had also managed to get into the records and see when all of Misaki's classes were so he could get a leg up on uke stalking.)

Misaki had just gotten out of his last class, which was Defense Against the Dark Arts. So far, the class was a lot of work for him and he wasn't particularly good at the subject. (And it didn't help that they kept getting substitute teachers because the original Professor had fallen off the roof last week in an incident involving a Gryffindor and a Slytherin with a rope.)

Plus, the brunette thought (after hearing COUNTLESS horror stories from his fellow Hufflepuffs) that what the school REALLY needed was a Defense Against the Slytherins class.

Maybe he and Ayase should start a club…

The green-eyed badger couldn't have been more right at the time, because as soon as he had rounded the corridor, he'd been snatched by his "favorite" gray-haired Slytherin and dragged down a hallway.

Akihiko had been at a loss as to where he was going to sully his favorite badger. He didn't want to fuck in Slytherin house because Takano and his denial-soaked howler were in there and he wouldn't be able to hear any Misaki moans over all the noise.

"Uffagifhan!" Misaki screamed into the large paw that was clamped over his mouth. The older man had ignored him and leaned casually up against a wall, effortlessly restraining his yummy boy toy while he tried to figure out where to go.

Slytherin house was out. Stairwells would probably give Misaki a dozen bruises (Akihiko liked it rough but not that rough. Blood and bruises were actually a turn off when it involved Misaki). And outside was out, as the Slytherin had witnessed quite an interesting lovemaking session there yesterday (between a certain Gryffindor and Ravenclaw). Akihiko Usami didn't recycle other people's spots, other people recycled the spots the HE created.

So where to go…

Akihiko was still wondering (while Misaki was starting to get lightheaded from the lack of air and all his various verbal outbursts), when he noticed a doorway down at the end of the hall. Usagi raised an eyebrow. He was fairly certain that they had been at a dead end. Was there really a room back there?

In one deft movement, he swept Misaki's legs up and threw him over his shoulder. Misaki gulped down a few lungfuls of air before he resumed his (by now significantly quieter) protests. He banged his fists against Usagi's back, but the sly man retaliated by giving the back of one of Misaki's thighs a good squeeze, making the teen gasp in surprise. Usagi continued pawing Misaki's slender thighs and backside as he walked down the corridor, curious about the suddenly appearing door.

He stopped in front of the two ornate double doors and took the finely detailed handle and opened it.

The man's violet eyes widened as he looked inside.

He was in heaven.

Inside the large, stonewalled room with a high ceiling was everything a Slytherin needed for an afternoon of smut: a large red silk couch with several pillows. Even the atmosphere was perfect. Surrounding the couch were three tall, iron candelabras with small flickering flames, and a small coffee table with an ashtray. The room was semi-lit, just enough to be both mysterious and illuminating at the same time.

Akihiko had found the sex room of the gods, and over the next four hours, he'd been one himself. After throwing his badger down and stripping him, Akihiko had licked, bit, pawed, and thrusted into every inch of Misaki, completely making up for his long four days of celibacy. His attentions had completely exhausted the teen, so much so that he was almost asleep while they basked in the afterglow. They had both pulled their jeans back on, and Misaki's head was placed comfortably in Usagi's lap. The silver-haired man combed his long fingers through Misaki's soft, fine-stranded hair, a bit of a smirk surfacing as the teen stayed quiet and submissive.

The older man placed his large hands on either side of Misaki's head and pulled the boy over onto his back. The teen's large green eyes looked at him sleepily, barely stirring as Akihiko traced his fingers across the boy's small forehead and down the side of his head. The finger curled underneath Misaki's jaw and slightly brushed his Adam's apple. The brunette watched silently, not even shivering at the touch of the cold hands. Snuffing his cigarette out in the red ashtray, Akihiko leaned his mouth down and spread his tongue across the full length of Misaki's lips, tasting the sweetness of the doe-eyed boy. His fingers traveled downward, snaking circles and random patterns across the petite planes of the teen. When he stroked Misaki's nipples, the boy murmured weakly,

"Please Usagi…no more…I'm too tired…"

Akihiko smirked in amusement, chuckling at the adorable, sleepy creature. Misaki adjusted his lower back, wincing as he moved his sore, stiff form. Akihiko noticed the discomfort and his eyes slyly traveled across Misaki's body again, realizing that now was a prime opportunity to put his potential plan into action.

"Usa—…what are you doing?" Misaki mumbled exhaustedly as Akihiko slid his hands into the hollows of Misaki's underarms and hauled him halfway up. He got up off the couch and spread Misaki facedown across the cushions before mounting the teen. Misaki's eyes darted behind him as he felt Usagi straddle his thighs. Fearing that the sex-crazed rabbit was going to fuck him into oblivion again, Misaki struggled to pull himself up.

"Nah uh, Misaki badger." Usagi smiled, planting two iron hands on the teen's thin shoulder blades.

"Let go…" Misaki pleaded. "I told you, I'm too tired…"

"Shhhh," Usagi breathed right into the white shell of Misaki's ear, sending shivers of fear tickling down his spine. "I'm just going to give you a little something nice my yummy uke. No need to run back to your hole yet. Just relax and let daddy take care of you…"

His words didn't give Misaki an ounce of comfort. Usually the connotation of "Just relax and let daddy take care of you," was that Misaki was going to feel a lot of pain and feel really fucking (no pun intended) tired afterwards.

"Let down your defense Misaki…" Usagi cooed.

Misaki finally gave in. He still shifted his weighted hips in discomfort, but rested his head back down on the couch, stretching his arms out in front of him. He closed his eyes and shivered, not quite sure what Usagi had in store, but was pleasantly surprised.

Akihiko took Misaki's thin shoulders with his skillful hands and began to gently knead the knots out of muscles. Misaki tensed at first, but felt the stress of his body beginning to warmly melt away as his older lover massaged him. Small, peaceful mewls began to slip out of the teen's mouth as the hands moved all the way down his back, lovingly stroking every tight cramp into warm relaxation.

The teen had never felt so great, and Akihiko could tell. He cupped the teen's hip bones in his hands and rubbed, chuckling under his breath as Misaki hummed even more.

Perfect.

"So, Misaki badger," Akihiko cooed, placing his thumbs on either side of Misaki's backbone and applying careful pressure. "How do you like your new house?"

"Hmmm?" Misaki grunted as rolling currents drifted up his spine. "S'good. Lotta good friends…"

"Is that so," Akihiko replied, beginning to massage the back of the teen's neck. "What are the other Hufflepuffs like?"

"They're nice," Misaki mumbled back, barely audible. "They complain 'bout their semes a lot."

"Ah, come in at all hours of the night huh?"

"Nuh uh, Slyderins ern't 'lowed in common room. It's the safe hous'."

"I see. So they can't get in at all?"

"No, not unless you invite 'dem in directly…ahhh…Usagi…that feels sooo good…"

Akihiko chuckled, kneading Misaki's lower back a tad harder. He saw Misaki's heavy eyelids droop down till they closed completely, and Misaki's upper back lifted up as he let out a heavy sigh.

Akihiko placed both palms flat on Misaki's shoulder blades, then smoothed his hands all the way down the boy's back as a finishing touch. He then pulled the boy onto his side and lay down next to him, wrapping himself around his uke.

"Go to sleep Misaki badger," Usagi whispered in the brunette's ear. Misaki let out a light groan as Usagi's lip touched his neck, but he was so exhausted he quickly slipped into unconsciousness.

Akihiko kissed Misaki again as he heard the boy's breaths slow into a steady rhythm. He playfully flicked his tongue at the outer shell of Misaki's ear.

"That's a good badger Misaki," He whispered, spreading his lips into a full grin.

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><p>God i love Usagi... *swoon* I want him to give me a backrub...<p>

Did I just say that out loud?...

**xxBlairBearxx**- Thanks for the review! ^_^ your idea made me laugh LOL. I'm not sure if Harry and Ron would be horrified or if they'd want to join in. XD Well in fanfiction land at least XDDD And JK Rowling totally should've collaborated with Nakamura-Sensei. HP would've been even more popular.

**X**- thank you! I'm glad you liked Hiroki ^_^ its a wonderful compliment to me to say that I can actually write such a complicated character in a way that people enjoy.

**Egoistfangirl**- I know! I love Takano's vulnerable side and season two is soooo gooood! XD thanks for the alert on the new chap! ^_^ *bows * and yes, there will be more egoist, maybe next time in G tower ;D

**Laura**- hope you enjoyed Romantica! 3 luv your reviews!

**Maggie mae**- yeah, there's more cameos in the Slytherin and Hufflepuff chapters. Hope you enjoy if you decide to read as for the setting...idk. Lol, I just kinda started writing this thing. I guess what I'm doing is using Hogwarts castle as a yaoi boarding school...or something. One of the things I've noticed in my writing is that it's very character driven, not setting driven. So... *shrug * lol. If you have any suggestions I'd be happy to hear them.

**Spiritmind675**- waaahhhh! a TsuSoka fan is here! :D i'm so happy you love them as much as i do and i love even more that you don't love Muraki! XD *dances * hmmm...Sumi. Idk. Any suggestions on what house you think he'd be in? I'm a lil stumped. Glad your here! ^_^

My lovely GT **Cerberus**- so happy you liked it :3 especially considering how awesome your lemons are. hooray for fluff! ^_^ (and I LOVE THE UKE FLU! WAAAAAH)

Everyone else, drop a review and I will talk to you too! :3 Wuv you alll!

...TBF101

Oh yes, here's a cookie for all of you. In my opinion, this should be the theme song to the JR ukes XDD (just replace the word dot)

youtubedotcom/watch?v=IUvvxm7i-OA&list=FLCXizdcGjbID1Wf9nespTDQ&index=73

and this one goes with the chapter XDDDD

youtubedotcom/watch?v=lnmtaZkCbBA&feature=BFa&list=FLCXizdcGjbID1Wf9nespTDQ


	9. Chapter 9

Alright Terrorists (the good kind though), it's time for your chapter! :)

Lol, on a fan related note, I actually got my older sister to watch the first ep of JR Egoist with me last night. *misaki arms *Bonzai. Even better, she said it wasn't that bad, just weird. She asked me if that's really how things are in Japan...

and I said NO. NO. NO. NO. NO! (unfortunately)

I'm glad I made the decision not to start with Romantica. She hasn't exactly been introduced to the rape fantasy culture Japan is oh so obsessed with. One of the better judgments on my parts...

Anyways, enjoy :) next up will be Egoist and then more Romantica! Since everyone keeps requesting diff couples, Ima try to keep a good balance :)

For example, a certain people *cough Moy cough * wants Terrorist, Maggie Mae, X, and Egoistfangirl want...well I'm sure you can guess, and this little flamingo wants more Usagi smexiness :3

But I'm confident everyone will be satisfied. Drop reviews and requests anytime! ^_^

And OMFG! i looked at the story stats for this and it has almost 2,000 hits! 0_0...*small squeaky crying voice * thank you...

And this is Junjou Patronus' one week anniversary! XD and we're already on chapter nine!...omg. I have no life...

**TBF101**

P.s. Everybody needs to stalk Cerberus Revised's story "Days without Sun" and motivate her to write it faster. Because I realllllllly wanna her to keep going. K thanks.

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine: Quid "ditch"<strong>

Miyagi sat on one of the dark blue armchairs in the Ravenclaw common room, relishing the fact that although there were voices emitting from the house, Shinobu's was not one of them. He could faintly hear Hatori's low but sharp tone as he barked at his petite, blue-eyed airhead of a boyfriend. Miyagi had dryly watched the couple as Hatori started lecturing Yoshino on his questionable friendship with a certain Slytherin while the shorter man continued to deny any such goings on. In a few short minutes, the dark-haired uke had been promptly thrown into an empty room and Hatori had slammed the door.

The raven-haired man's lip curled slightly as the voices suddenly ceased and were replaced by the steady creaking of a bed. Needless to say, Miyagi found the relationship drama of his fellow Ravenclaws interesting. With housemates like these, who needed sitcoms? Just the other day, he'd gotten to see Hiroki stomp into Ravenclaw wearing a shirt that was clearly not his. That angry redhead was just asking to be teased till his cheeks were reminiscence of a fire-truck. (However, Miyagi had pushed him a little too far and had a large bump on the side of his head to compensate for Hiroki's temper and eagerness to throw a rather large copy of _Quidditch Through the Ages _that had been nearby.) Even still, Miyagi thought the bruise was worth it. Hiroki's face had been priceless. If only he'd taken a picture.

But while the man laughed, he was only trying to bury his own heap of troubles underneath his amused indifference. Truth be told, the blond-headed kid had two unfortunate traits about him:

He was insatiable, and he was just fucking annoying.

This had proven to be a deadly combination for the laid-back Miyagi ever since they'd been sorted.

For starters, even though they were no longer sharing rooms, Miyagi often found himself woken in the middle of the night by a certain stalker crawling into his bed. These restless nights usually ended with Miyagi screaming bloody murder and a Ravenclaw posse (led by the raging sleep-deprived demon) threatening to lynch the two if they didn't stop waking the whole house up every damn night. (Though Miyagi had to hand it to Hatori, that man should've been in politics he was such a good peacemaker. It was a shame his boyfriend was a few ingredients short of a potion.)

Furthermore, Miyagi had been horribly surprised when he found out that like him, Shinobu had signed up for self-study and chosen the Ravenclaw common room as his classroom of choice. Meaning Miyagi could not so much as study or blink or talk or dance the Macarena without the brat knowing. The only reason Miyagi was semi peaceful today was because Shinobu had holed himself up in the library for a few hours.

The poor man was at his wits end. (And the man had gathered a lot of wits in his life.)

And now a measly five-foot four blond (who should by all rights be a part of Al Qaeda) had reduced the man to a sleepless, paranoid mess.

With this and Hiroki's hate crusades, the man feared he would not last much longer.

He'd even considered switching houses, but that plan had fallen through rather quickly when the man had actually stopped to think about it.

Hufflepuff was supposedly great and there was always food around, but they hated smokers with a fiery passion that consumed their souls (for obvious reasons).

Gryffindor was full of somewhat semi-normal people, but they were loud. And butterbeer drinking contests and the noise that went along with it was not conducive to a studious atmosphere.

Slytherin was apparently a smoker's Val Halla, but the residents were all very much focused on one thing: sex. And sex and the moaning that went along with it was also not conducive to a studious atmosphere.

In plain terms, Miyagi was screwed.

Shinobu (as stubborn and craptastic as he was) would never agree to go into a different house (especially after Miaygi had traded rooms). Plus what house would want to take him anyway?

Hmm, maybe if he put Shinobu in a box in the corridor that said "FREE"….

Miyagi shook his head. No, that wouldn't work.

He'd have to offer a substantial amount of money.

Maybe the Slytherins would like him. A new, feisty piece of tail for those voyeurs to play with. Heck, Shinobu WAS cute. It was his personality that was under construction...

Miyagi's lower lip suddenly descended as he realized that he had just called his arch nemesis… "Cute."

That did it. Miyagi knew he had to get the fuck out of here before he lost his half scholarly, half slackerly mind.

After about a minute of thought, the man decided to put on some athletic clothes and head down to the Quidditch field for a little exercise.

Unfortunately this year, Hogwarts didn't have their four regular Quidditch teams thanks to the new dynamics of the houses. There weren't enough players, and some of the houses didn't even want to participate at all (Ravenclaw being one of them. There were just way too many books to read for them to make the time and they weren't exactly stellar at sports anyway.).

Plus, after seeing footage from the documentary _Quidditch and the Various Injuries that come with it_, the entire Slytherin house had started a protest that the Hufflepuff house team should be banned from playing, on the reason that they were too cute and too stupid to be involved in such a dangerous sport. When that didn't work (on the fact that they had no authority to declare such things), the Slytherins had resorted to a significant bribe. Said bribe included an eight-slice toaster, a new stove, a bread maker, a three minutes or less rice cooker, an entire line of stainless steel Wolfgang Puck skillets and steak knives, an espresso maker, and a floor-to-ceiling spice rack. Also included in the deal was two weeks off of smexies, gropies, rockin' and rollin', driving the golden stake, hailin' mary, playing "the wand and the golden snitch," storming the beach at Normandy, exploring the Chamber of Secrets, riding the Slytherin basilisk, or any other terms the Slytherins came up with for badger fucking. (Though originally the Hufflepuffs were given a choice between two weeks off of sex or a state of the art brick pizza oven. Although they really fucking wanted that oven, two weeks free of groping had them swooning in their little pink aprons (also given with the bribe), so they'd chosen the former, which the Slytherins would only refer to now as "The Dark Ages" and they never talked about what they did during the time they were celibate.)

Really, the only house that used the Quidditch field now was Gryffindor (the Slytherins got their exercise through other means so they only came once in awhile), and as Miyagi entered the open dome of the Quidditch field, he could already pick out a few familiar faces from the house of the lion. He could just make out Kamijou's giant boyfriend whizzing languidly through the air and scoring a goal with the greatest of skill, while Hisoka's seme was chasing after the giant with a beater's club and looking quite furious. Miyagi's detached smile surfaced again as he watched the free-for-all game from the sidelines. He leaned up against the wall and thought about observing for a bit before going to get his own broom when—

"I knew you would be here, Miyagi."

The tall dark-haired man jumped a full two feet at the sound of a certain blond talking from behind the wall. Shinobu walked over a few feet to a door and entered the Quidditch field, glancing at the near-heart attack Miyagi.

"Shinobu!" He snarled. "DO NOT sneak UP on people like THAT!"

Shinobu raised a blond eyebrow, completely unalarmed at the man twice as tall as him screaming bloody murder. The boy leaned his broom against the wall, crossing his arms.

"Do you like Quidditch Miyagi?" He asked with eyes as grey and cold as stones.

"That's 'Miyagi-SAN' brat." The older man retorted. Shinobu ignored him.

"You were reading _Quidditch Through the Ages_. I saw the book by your bed."

Miyagi's eyes widened.

"STAY. OUT. OF. MY. ROOM. BRAT!" He narrowed his dark eyes, giving Shinobu a sharp poke in the chest. The boy's eyes flickered in surprise at the man's ferocity.

Miyagi pulled out a cigarette and started huffing it like his life depended on it. Yes, he had been reading the book. Mainly because it had stayed by his bed when Hiroki had thrown it at him one night and Miyagi had been bored the morning after so he'd picked it up. But the fact that that juvenile delinquent had been able to observe and read his movements was both disturbing, and just plain fucking annoying!

Shinobu reached into a closet and pulled out another broom, holding it out to Miyagi.

"Do you play?"

Miyagi snorted.

"Do you?"

Shinobu's composed face shattered as he cheeks flushed a bright red.

"N-No, I just started learning… Don't look down on me old man!"

A smile started to creep over Miyagi's face again, but it wasn't his regular one, it was a condescending smirk.

"Then what are you doing out here Shinobu-chan? See those Gryffindors? They'll eat you alive."

Shinobu gritted his teeth and glowered.

"H-How do you know? I could be better than any of them!"

"HAH!" Miyagi laughed, exhaling a long stream of smoke. "That's about as likely as your idea that we're destined to be together."

"IT IS NOT!" Shinobu yelled back, his gray eyes both furious and desperate. "IT'S FATE! We're even in the same house!"

Miyagi bristled.

"Please. You belong in Slytherin the way you go on. That hat was full of crock when it put you in Ravenclaw."

"It was not!" Shinobu yelled. "I asked to be put there and it agreed with me!"

Miyagi nearly swallowed his cigarette.

"YOU WHAT?"

Shinobu stared down at the ground, the corners of his eyes starting to pool with tears.

"The hat said I'd do good in several of the houses, but I told it I wanted to be in Ravenclaw, so it put me there."

The older man was so aghast and furious his throat clamped when he tried to form words. That brat had actually had the fucking balls to force his way into Miyagi's house? He knew that kid really didn't belong there! He knew it from the start!

"Miyagi…" Shinobu murmured, trying to meet the man's eyes, but he recoiled as he saw the fiery anger and hatred in them. "M-Miyagi?"

"You disgust me." The man spat, shoving past him and storming back to the castle.

"Miyagi!" Shinobu cried, starting to run after him. "Miyagi!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" The black-haired man shouted back so harshly that the boy stopped dead in his tracks and watched Miyagi stomp away, trying to stay silent as tears spilled down his cheeks.

Hisoka Kurosaki had been walking through the southern entrance to the field when he saw the exchange take place. Even though he was almost a hundred feet away, the emotions had been so intense and overwhelming that he'd had to stop and sit down so he wouldn't faint. He glanced up with knowledgeable green eyes as one of the two stalked away, his anger still whipping around behind him.

Hisoka sighed heavily and snorted.

If those two weren't together and banging by the end of the year, he'd eat one of Tsuzuki's toxic pies.

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><p>Stupid spellcheck. Of course Quidditch is a real word! _<p>

**Kawaiichibi-tan**- I'm my mind, it is the ultimate act of love to give up homework for the sake of fanfiction. ^_^ and it's just a better deal too. Thanks for the all caps review XD wuv ya!

**xxBlairBearxx**-hmmm wand kink...i bet i could work that in there somewhere ;) and Usagi has pretty much ruined all other men for me. That man is God.

**Dont' Preach**- *excited snoopy dance * I got you to squeeee! I got you to squeeee! XD *bows humbly * I am not worthy. Kisses always! ^_^

**Maggie Mae**- okay, I have worked out an explanation, but it's not gonna come for a long time :) you'll see why. hang tight in the meantime! Egoist slumber party here we come!

**KitElizaKing**- thank you so much for the review and I'm glad your enjoying this so much! I hope your face is okay though.

**Spiritmind675**- I wonder if other people banged in the room of requirement before... it would certainly be convinient wouldn't it? ;) But Ravenclaw sounds perfect for Sumi, I'll try to include him in upcoming chapters.

**Laura**- It's so fluffy! XD thank you! fluff is always so fun!

**X**- tee hee, there's always help at Hogwarts. I don't think that's what rowling originally intended, but I'd say it's a fabulous improvement ;) And yes, your request shall be granted in a chapter pretty soon lolololol

**Egoistfangirl**- sigh. I guess we'll just have to live with the manga and drama cds, because they keep putting the hammer on our anime goodies.

P.s. can you actually buy Hiroki shaped confetti? I would totally buy that.

Huggles to all! There will be more if there are more reviews :3...pwease?

**TBF101**


	10. Chapter 10

Whew. Sorry it took awhile for the new update, but between my new lemony oneshot ( vampire Romantica fic "Fanged Rabbit" check it out!) and this lemon I was just about dead yesterday. Plus I discovered Black Butler yesterday so naturally I'm already halfway through the first season...

Sigh, and my next chapter is lemony flavored too, so don't be surprised if it takes me awhile...(Romantica btw :D yay)

Enjoy as always :) and keep reviewing! These lemons should be worth reviews!...I hope... ...

**TBF101**

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten: Rain<strong>

It was dark in Gryffindor tower. The sun had been taken early by a rolling gray storm that had wrapped itself around the bright star and snuffed it out for the remainder of twilight. The storm had also brought an army of raindrops that pounded steadily at the windows, washing and cleansing the clear glass of impurities.

The constant pattering of the rain had all but lulled Hiroki to sleep. The lithe brunette rested his cheek against the pillow, brushing his lips along the soft stranded cotton. The air in the tower had cooled because of the rain, but the brunette was barely bothered. He had went and gotten himself a space heater.

"Mmmm…Hiro-san." The space heater murmured. Hiroki closed his eyes, snuggling his back closer to Nowaki's chest. Nowaki sighed comfortably and wrapped his muscled arms around Hiroki's chest, his caring heart feeling more whole than it ever had as he squeezed the breathing form of the one he loved so much. Even though they'd slept together before, Nowaki still couldn't help but be elated as he heard Hiroki's calm, steady breaths. They were as still and soothing as the rain.

Nowaki wrapped one of his flexing thighs around Hiroki's subtly curved hip. He rubbed his leg against Hiroki, feeling the warmed fabric of their sweatpants covering the solid flesh in a thin softness, the sensation heightened by the contrasting textures.

The smaller brunette also felt the relaxed friction of his boyfriend's touch, and (even though he would NEVER admit it out loud) it soothed him. As long as Hiroki had lived, he'd been a constant resident (or shut in) of his mind, with the abstracts of thoughts, ideas, and knowledge for company. He had always been too detached or too bitter to dabble in the idea that he might like physical affection, and as a result, he'd become a confused extremist. Locked away in his mind one minute, fucking a random stranger the next just to temporarily satisfy a longing, then retreating back to his dark cave with even less intention of coming out.

So now, to have something that wasn't an invisible strand of thought, but to have a living, breathing, loving, solid comfort…

It made Hiroki feel whole as well.

Not that he would ever admit it…. EVER.

But he couldn't deny one thing, he definitely slept better in Nowaki's bed. And it wasn't just because of the FUCKING MIYAGI AND HIS BRAT waking him up EVERY NIGHT with all their fucking screaming!

In addition to that unpleasantry, when he WAS asleep, Miyagi snored like a fucking lawnmower. And in addition to THAT, Ravenclaw house could also get quite cold at night.

So whether he wanted to admit it or not, Hiroki had spent the last three consecutive nights in Gryffindor helping Nowaki "balance out his uneven bed."

Or so they claimed.

Even though they didn't say it out loud, at the heart of it, they were just lonely at night. So Nowaki did not even try to tease Hiroki about how many nights he'd slept over, as that would only give him a pillow (and possibly a heavy book) in the face, and send Hiroki stomping back to Ravenclaw. And then he wouldn't have anyone to cuddle with.

God forbid.

Hiroki was also relieved that Nowaki held off from the teasing (though he was also suspicious as to why…), especially because he was wearing out his face scowling and blushing when he returned to his common room and all the other Ravenclaws smiled knowingly and casually asked where he'd been. Even worse, he felt like he was always singled out! Kisa and Hisoka had also taken to staying in Gryffindor at night (the latter of which really couldn't deal with all the screaming), but nobody (Miyagi) teased them about it!

Hiroki closed his eyes and smooshed his face further into the pillow. Maybe he could move all his stuff here to Gryffindor and just use Ravenclaw as a study. Gryffindor really wasn't so bad. (though the butterbeer drinking contests were extremely loud) He'd met Tsuzuki last week, and Kisa had introduced his boyfriend to Hiroki today, who was also a sunshine vomiter like Nowaki and Tsuzuki. (Though, Hiroki and Nowaki had both been secretly pleased about the couple's age difference. After all, if Kisa and Yukina could work together and be NINE YEARS APART, then there was certainly assurance for the two of them.) The only lion dweller that really irked Hiroki was an older student named Tsumori. That bastard had a nasty habit of hanging onto Nowaki like a barrel of monkeys, and Hiroki got the impression that the fucker did it just to piss him off. But the fucker aside, Hiroki was actually getting used to the idea of spending more time here. Other couples visited and slept over all the time, so why couldn't he?

Hiroki's rusty eyes flickered back open as he felt Nowaki arms shift, but…not in a casual way.

Nowaki's fingers began to spider crawl to the edge of Hiroki's shirt and slip underneath it. Hiroki tried to suppress a shiver as the warm digits climbed up the center indent of his abs all the way to the dips below his firm pectorals. And when Nowaki's fingers began to trace around the circles of Hiroki's nipples, the brunette squirmed, heat starting to gather in his lower body.

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki whispered sacredly, pressing his lips to Hiroki's neck. The giant's large hands pawed harder at his lover's chest, pleasantly surprised that the smaller (but bad tempered) man was extremely docile tonight. Nowaki pressed his nose to the brunette's thick, untamed locks, breathing in the subtle but musky scent and sweeping his tongue over the back of Hiroki's ear. His moves grew even bolder as he opened his mouth and lightly bit Hiroki's neck, leaving a warm, wet outline of his pearly teeth. And when he began to bite the front of Hiroki's throat, the brunette let out a quiet moan.

The two men shifted so that Hiroki was on his back with Nowaki kneeling between his legs. The couple pressed their lips together, mouth parting and tongues beginning to rub and sweep. Hiroki wrapped his arms around Nowaki's rippling, sculpted chest and groaned again as Nowaki's hands laced over his perky nipples. The brunette's chest rose and fell as they broke the kiss, but his brow arched as Nowaki's hands smoothed up and down.

"You moron," Hiroki snarled as Nowaki's tongue spread over his cheek. "If we're gonna fuck stop messing around and TAKE MY DAMN SHIRT OFF!"

The moron chuckled, still tracing his tongue along Hiroki's thin jaw. Oh, Hiro-san. So unbelievably cute.

Still the giant wasted no time in stripping his smaller lover's lithe chest bare. Hiroki's lips tightened as he felt the cool tower air descend on his skin, but he didn't have to wait long before Nowaki's blazing hands went back to teasing and fondling.

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki breathed again, twisting his neck to catch Hiroki in another bottomless kiss. Hiroki felt his tongue being completely sucked into his giant's mouth, and having never been one to back down from a challenge (EVER), he lashed his own oral muscle out, the two strong men lovingly fighting in their embrace. Nowaki was even more aroused by his lover's fiery spirit, and he shifted one of his knees to rub at Hiroki's covered crotch, making the brunette's eyes widen and his fingers dig. Please at how well the smaller man was responding, Nowaki's languid fingers tiptoed their way down to Hiroki's pajamas bottoms and his hardening cock.

"N-Nowaki!" Hiroki half-moaned, half-growled as the large hands yanked down his bottoms and encircled his responsive member. Just like he had in the forest, Nowaki's fingers began to roughly stroke him, causing the proud man to press his lips together in an attempt to stifle moans of pleasure. But his cries began pour out like water when Nowaki took him into his mouth, his slick tongue sweeping across every inch of the sensitive organ.

Hiroki weaved his agile fingers into Nowaki's deep, dark raven hair, almost digging his nails into the giant's scalp as Nowaki began to bob his head.

Just when Hiroki thought his head and his cock were going to burst, Nowaki slid his mouth off and lifted his blue eyes that were nearly as endless as the depths of the ocean. Hiroki's chest was heaving as he wordlessly rolled onto his stomach, propping himself on his hands and knees. Nowaki mounted him, leaning his handsome nose down to the small of Hiroki's back. He inhaled the raw, musky perfume of Hiroki's sweat and felt his head spin in circles with arousement.

Hiroki involuntarily winced as he felt Nowaki's giant cock begin to penetrate him, but he uncurled his fists and willed himself to relax, his mind quieting as he felt reassurance that the one taking him was someone he trusted and loved.

"Uh!" Hiroki moaned as the length and fullness of Nowaki filled him completely like a piece of metal that'd just come out of a blazing fire. Nowaki too, groaned in ecstasy as Hiroki's tight heat squeezed all around him, and as soon as he got the nod from Hiro-san, he began thrusting, rocking them both at a back-breaking pace. Sweat that had pooled during foreplay soon dripped in streams down their flexing muscles as they continued their rough, naked, intimate dance.

Nowaki pulled out a few minutes later and they switched positions, with Nowaki on his back and Hiroki mounting his erect cock from the front. In seconds Hiroki was moving his hips and the deep angle was making them both writhe and groan in sensual pleasure. Nowaki gripped Hiroki's slender back and caught the brunette's mouth, making Hiroki's head tipped back as Nowaki necked him almost harshly. Their position sent the head of Nowaki's member hitting Hiroki's sweet spot dead on, and the brunette's eyes rolled back as sensation exploded inside him.

His muffled scream set off a hundred more bells inside Nowaki's head and without pulling out he rammed Hiroki down onto the bed and began to thrust like an animal, making the older man's back arch and his cries peak as they both climaxed.

"Augh! Hiro-san!" Nowaki moaned, his throat raw from panting. The raven-haired stallion felt energy drain from his body all in one quick release, and he fell forward onto his flushed, heaving lover. The sticky, exhausted men rolled onto their sides and wrapped their arms around each other, slipping off into an untroubled sleep, loneliness the absolute last thing on their minds.

Even though their exertions had been more or less equal, Nowaki was still up and beaming well before his lover the next morning. Sunlight that had untangled itself from the night's storm streamed in through the glass windows, causing the sleeping brunette lion to steal Nowaki's pillow and form a barricade against the new day.

As the hours ticked by, it took Nowaki exactly twenty-seven times to get Hiroki to even crack open an eyelid, and when he did he was a little less than stellar.

"GODDAMN YOU NOWAKI FOR BEING A GODDAMNED FUCKING MORNING PERSON!" And so on and so forth.

Nowaki (still quite stellar himself from last night's Ravenclaw fucking) didn't so much as bat an eye, and his resilience actually seemed to make him happier and Hiroki angrier. The older man snarled and threw the covers back over himself, implying that he had resolved to sleep the rest of his life.

Nowaki grinned at the sight and in his elatedness, became much more bolder than was probably wise. He placed a knee on the bed near his lover and smiled deviously.

"Hey Hiro-san," He purred. "You should stay here in Gryffindor tonight. We can play some more Quidditch."

"Whada fuck you talkin' 'bout?" Hiroki growled.

Nowaki chuckled.

"You can ride my Firebolt again."

"YOU UNBELIEVABLY FUCKING MORON!" Hiroki yelled, throwing back the covers and darting for the nearest heavy thing, which in this case was an alarm clock. Nowaki darted away, still laughing with glee.

"But Hiro-san, I'm just a love machine. And I don't work for nobody but you—OW! Hiro-san that hurts!"

* * *

><p>* face corner * sorry about that last line. I've just always wanted to hear Nowaki say that... *starry eyes * sigh...

**Don't Preach**- I apologize that my writing is so good it distracts you at work...okay, I'm really not XDDD Thank you so much! (and the new chap was AWESOMMMMME)

**Laura**- don't worry. Miyagi will get his in the end :) bwahaha

**kawaiichibi tan**- I won't give up as long your here! * runs across beach and hugs *

**xxBlairbearxx**- I'm glad you think I'm funny. My mom doesn't. LOL.

**Maggie Mae**- Someone should draw a pic of a free shinobu in a box. XD

**KitElizaking**- oh they'll get together all right. IT'S FATE.

**X**-your wish is my command. (mainly because you leave reviews ^^ i think that's a good exchange, don't you?) (and someone should draw a shirtless Nowaki on a Nimbus 2000)

**Xmoymoy**- Your righteous Terrorist anger makes me laugh. Don't worry, Miyagi will get his in the end, and feel unbelievably guilty, and they will fuck. It's fate.

Everyone else hope you keep reading and reviewing! XD thank you all!

Black FlaminGO


	11. Chapter 11

*peeks out cautiously *...Okay. I know I've been missing for a few days lol, but I had an unexpected trip to the hospital and the fuckers wouldn't let me have my computer. And I wanted to write as much you probably wanted to read, so those three days were just as bad for me as they were for you.

Feel better? Lol.

I'm free tomorrow so I'll prolly post then too. But now, I'm taking a nice big sleeping pill and going to bed.

tired huggles,

TBF101

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><p>Chapter Eleven: Hufflepuff History<p>

"Hah, that makes twenty-five today Kanou. You won't catch up to me at this rate."

"That's "King Kanou" to you Yokozawa. And I'll be way past you by tonight."

Akihiko's sly violet irises shifted to the two chairs across from him, and then down at the three ashtrays plentifully filled with cigarette butts. It was a long-standing tradition in Slytherin to smoke, but the residents had recently come up with a contest to see who could put away the most nicotine in a 24-hour period. So far, the record was 48 and it belonged to Takano (who had been in an epic spat with Onodera and three bottles of hard liquor at the time), but seeing as how Kanou had put away 42 just the other day (also the result of uke problems) the record probably wouldn't stand for long. And when they weren't reading from the bible or studying or fucking, the smoking contest was how they passed the time.

Surprisingly (considering he had one hell of an ego), Akihiko had chosen not to be particularly involved in the smoking contest, choosing to set his devious sights on a higher cause. (Though two days ago he did clock in at 43 and three quarters). If the other semes noticed they said nothing, after all, one less person was less competition.

Faintly in the other room, the three could hear yet another episode of the "Takano and Onodera drama show," in which the two fought, Onodera would try to storm out, Takano would throw him on the bed, and the two would proceed with fucking. And with the moans that badger was making, the fucking was fucking good.

Akihiko's pale lips curved into a musing smile as his eyes gazed back and forth along the lines of text in the book he was reading. He was getting a little hankering for some Misaki with all those yummy sounds coming from Takano's chamber of (rather obvious) secrets, even though he'd had quite a nice mouthful the other day. After returning to the common room (and depositing a very docile, backrubbed Misaki in front of Hufflepuff), Akihiko had naturally filled in his fellow Slytherins on the spontaneous sex room. Though he was slightly peeved to find out that they'd all used it before. It was apparently called the Room of Requirement (though they thought it should really be dubbed the Room of Virgin Expirement), and it had been a very loyal ally to the house of Slytherin. Though while Usagi had a dimly lit room with a red couch, Takano had found (to his eternal enjoyment) a large office desk with a pile of finished manga manuscripts and rather bright lighting so Onodera couldn't deny that they'd been there. Kanou too had enjoyed his stay, as he'd had a king-sized bed, 360-degree mirrors, and four bottles of Ayase's favorite alcohol. They'd found Akihiko's choice classy, but had scoffed and laughed when he'd told them about the backrub. Usagi had laughed with them and put on an act about it being Misaki's request, but he couldn't help but smile wider when he saw that not one of the other semes suspected his plan.

This was going far too perfectly.

Laughing silently inside his head, Akihiko sat up from his armchair and picked up a package that had been delivered this morning from Hogsmeade.

"Where you going Usami?" Yokozawa asked, putting out cigarette twenty-six.

"Just to make a little delivery." He replied coolly, heading out into the corridor.

And make Slytherin history.

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><p>"There, all done." Misaki said to himself as he added the last swirl of frosting to the cake, the creamy liquid artistically arranged into a rose. He took a step back, admiring his handiwork and brushing some of the powdered sugar off his hands and apron. A wide smile spread over his face as he titled his head to look at another angle. It looked great, Chiaki would be really surprised. His birthday was tomorrow and Chiaki's boyfriend Hatori had asked if they would help out with a surprise party. The Hufflepuffs (being big on birthdays) were ecstatic about the request and had gone all out to give Chiaki a wonderful day. They had even offered to cook a large dinner, but Hatori had said he would take care of that himself, leaving the entire house of badgers dumbstruck. A seme….WHO COOKED FOR HIS UKE?<p>

They were both awed and slightly horrified at the idea.

But they recognized that Chiaki and Hatori had a different flavored relationship than they (meaning sweeter and that didn't smell of cigarettes and ill intent), and so they had amiably agreed. Ayase had baked the cake this morning, Misaki had decorated it, and Onodera was out buying presents (though, from the argument Misaki had heard from down the hall earlier, it sounded like Onodera had been dragged to Slytherin and the shopping trip was postponed). Feliciano was outside with his Gryffindor seme composing a birthday ballad and the others were in the library, so Misaki was left in the quiet to complete the cake.

After the decorations were completed, the accomplished cook put the cake away in the extra fridge in Italy's room, as Chiaki had a notorious habit for eating what wasn't his at all hours of the day and night. The teen was just about to take off his apron when his cell phone began to buzz. He flipped open the phone and opened the new text message.

_Come out of your CR. _

_U.A. _

Misaki raised an eyebrow. Why did Usagi want him to go out of the common room? He glanced suspiciously at the door.

What was that underhanded backrubber up to now…

The teen sighed and walked over to the entrance, not even bothering to take off his flour covered apron. He opened the door and peaked outside.

"Usagi-san?"

"Over here Misaki badger." A pleasant voice purred. The teen shut the door and walked out into the hall. Akihiko was leaning casually (and sexily) against the far wall, a large, wrapped package tucked under his arm.

Misaki went over to him, entirely grateful that the corridor was deserted so no one could see the pinkish blush that was warming his cheeks. Damn that man and all his blasted confidence (and for being so tall at that).

Akihiko smiled wider when Misaki stopped in front of him and reached down a large hand to ruffle the teen's hair. Misaki grimaced at the man's touch, but his protests for the man to cut it out were quiet and mumbled. The older man noticed and chuckled under his breath.

"What have you been up to Misaki-saki?" Akihiko asked, snaking his free hand around the boy's shoulders and eyeing the teen's clothes. "Badger looks like he's been busy in the kitchen."

"One of our housemates has a birthday tomorrow," Misaki explained. "I just finished decorating the cake."

"Is that so," Akihiko mused. "I'm sure it's as skillfully done as always."

Misaki narrowed his eyes irksomely at the praise. What was that horny rabbit up to dishing out compliments? But all the same, he couldn't help but blush at the praise.

"N-No, I mean…it's not like I'm a professional or something…" The uke stuttered.

Akihiko smiled cunningly.

"You sell yourself short Misaki badger," He purred. "You've always been very talented in satisfying…appetites."

Misaki (as always) did not catch the dual meaning of Usagi's words.

"Well," He smiled. "I-I have practiced for a long time."

"And it shows," Akihiko replied. "And speaking of which, I have a little present for my badger."

Misaki gapped as his older lover held out the large wrapped box.

"Uwaahh! Usagi, you shouldn't be buying me anything! You waste gobs of money as it is and I haven't got a present for you!"

"Nonsense," Usagi smiled. "I always like to buy nice things for my uke."

Misaki's entire face flushed.

"Well—er um—th-thank you Usagi-san. I-I can't wait to open it."

Akihiko's eyes suddenly widened.

"Oh shoot." He grunted.

"What?"

Akihiko let out a growling sigh.

"I wanted to be with you when you opened it, but it's so fragile it might break out here since we don't have a table."

"That's okay, Usagi. I can wait till later to open it."

"But I'm busy later, I only have free time now."

Misaki thought hard.

"Well we could go down to the great hall…but oh, if it's fragile it could break it one of us drops it on the staircases (those bloody things are always changing)…oh darn it…well—no that wouldn't work…"

Akihiko sighed.

"And this present would go perfectly with the cake you just made. How disappointing."

Misaki felt terrible that Usagi had gone out of his way to get him a (probably so expensive it should be a sin) gift, and now he couldn't even give him the satisfaction of seeing Misaki open it.

But slowly, a dim light bulb went off in Misaki's head.

"I guess…we could go into the common room. I mean, it's right there."

Usagi's eyebrows shot up.

"Oh but Misaki, Slytherins aren't allowed in the Hufflepuff house. And I wouldn't want to cause trouble for you…"

At the magic words, Misaki's resolve hardened.

"If I invite you in with no strings attached we can. And…it's the least I can do to repay you for the gift…"

Misaki turned and went over to the Hufflepuff entrance. He spoke the password and when the door opened, he held it ajar as Usagi walked in the common room of the badger house.

The seme boldly stepped into the room, trying to contain his grin as he realized that he had gone where no seme had ever gone before.

History was about to be made in the sexiest way EVER.

Misaki followed him inside and began to open the box after Usagi set it on the table. He carefully cut his way through the tape and brushed aside the packing peanuts, then let out what was commonly known as an uke squee of delight.

"UWAAAHH! Usagi-san! How—…I mean…it's so…wow!"

"I take it you like it?" Akihiko chuckled.

Misaki carefully took out the cake stand, setting it down on the table and touching it all over with his fingertips. The stand was entirely glass and beautifully shaped and carved with intricate little details. It had probably been handmade.

"Wow Usagi-san…Th-thank you so much!" Misaki grinned, his green eyes lighting up. Usagi froze as he gazed into the adorable face of his little lover, and felt himself entirely ready to get busy.

That badger was just too fucking cute for his own good.

"And you're right! It'll go great with the cake—uh Usagi? What are you doing?"

While Misaki's back had turned, Akihiko had slid up to him and wrapped his strong arms around the teen's slight shoulders. Misaki was still elated about the present so he didn't push away, but just turned his head. But he shivered as he felt Akihiko's smoky breath on his cheek.

"So you like the present Misaki?" Akihiko purred, his tongue itching to start tasting his own form of cake.

"Uh, yeah… very much. I feel a little bad though. It was probably expensive and I hate to see you spend money on me."

"Think nothing of it," Akihiko blew straight into the boy ear, making him shiver. "And besides, there's a very definite way you can pay me back…"

Misaki was very afraid to ask, but he finally did.

"And what…way is that?"

"Hahahahah!"

Misaki almost jumped as the seme howled a train of laughs right against his neck, and he began to squirm as Usagi's arms tightened and a knee began to press between his short legs.

"Oh god Misaki," Akihiko grinned. "You really are the toast of Hufflepuffs…and Slytherin, I might add, because I am going to drink you dry…"

Misaki's mouth dropped in horror.

"NO!—AUGH!" He yelped as Usagi tripped him and sent them both sprawling onto the kitchen floor. Misaki thrashed, but Akihiko easily overpowered him till he was laying flat on his stomach with his wrists pinned.

"YOU-YOU STUPID HORNY RABBIT!"

"Oh Misaki," Akihiko chuckled, pressing his nose to Misaki's neck. "One of us is perhaps a bit stupid, but it's not the rabbit." The seme emphasized his point by sliding his tongue into the teen's ear, making the boy writhe beneath his weight and plead for him to stop.

"Usa-Usagi stop! Stop! G-Get out! You're not sup—supposed to be in here!" Misaki's neck arched backward as Usagi bit it, and he groaned as he felt cold fingers slid into his shirt and glide around his torso.

"On the contrary Misaki, I have every right. You invited me in after all."

Misaki froze, horrified at what he'd done.

"Now," Usagi grinned, brushing his lips along the teen's pale cheek. "What do you say we christen Hufflepuff house and fuck like badgers?"

"NO!" Misaki wailed, yanking his wrists away from Usagi's grip. Misaki moved fast, but Akihiko had just read the Bible chapter on bondage, meaning his was well prepared with a counterattack. In one moment, he grabbed a hanging dishtowel, caught Misaki's wrists and bound them together with the cloth. Misaki strained against the binding but couldn't quite get the knot undone.

Akihiko glanced at the well tied knot. Wow, learning knots in Boy Scouts really was good for something. Who knew?

"Usagi untie me!" Misaki cried, squirming as Usagi untied his apron and slid his shirt up to his chest.

"Sorry Misaki, but it's up to us to make Hogwarts fucking history. Now, why don't we make a deal? I'll show you my wand, and you show me your golden snitch…"

"GET BENT!—AH! UGH!"

Misaki yelped and moaned as the seme cold fingers kneaded and twisted his perky pink nipples and danced around the teen's lithe torso. Misaki felt the same set of fingers travel down and knead his covered, hardening cock, which really made the boy vocal.

"Ah!…Augghhh…st-stop t-touching there!" He moaned, his chin lifting towards the ceiling as his back arched downward. Usagi's lips and tongue mouthed all around the back and sides of his neck, leaving several hickeys that flushed the boy's skin red. Misaki gritted his teeth and shut his eyelids tightly, trying to resist and deny that the man's intimate touches had any effect on his body. He fought every kiss and caress but seemed to go one step forward, two gropes back. The teen stretched his tied arms out in front of him, trying to worm his way forward, but he couldn't break the iron grip his seme had on his hips, or the teeth that latched onto his neck.

Misaki groaned and squirmed, but soon felt his upper body go limp….until he heard the oh so familiar sound of a zipper traveling south. His eyes shot open as Usagi tugged down his jeans and his protests resumed with vigor.

"UUSAGI! USAGI NO! STOP!" He wailed as the Slytherin adjusted his hips, pulling Misaki on his knees.

"Shhhh…" Akihiko (wincing slightly from all the noise) breathed into the boy's ear. "If you keep fighting Misaki badger, you'll be a lot more sore later. Be a good boy and relax for daddy."

Misaki shoulders shook at the words and he gasped in surprise as Akihiko's cold fingers wrapped around his hard on and stroked him at a jerking pace. Misaki's small hands clenched into fists and he let out another gasp as Usagi began fingering him and pushing into his sweet spot. Usagi swiped his tongue over the back of Misaki's hot neck as he felt the boy respond to the pleasure. He licked up the gathering beads of sweat like crystals of sugar and let out a quiet chuckle. He slipped in another finger and scissored the teen, the boy's wet interior soft and pleasing to his fingertips. Misaki wailed louder and higher, and Usagi gave up on waiting, as his cock was dying to get into this badger's tight cunt. He stroked the boy faster so that Misaki barely noticed when the fingering stopped. But when Usagi positioned his rock-harder member in the cleft of the teen's ass, Misaki grasped at the towel and let out a crying sob, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.

Still trying to get the teen to relax, Akihiko leaned over him and began sucking and kissing at Misaki's lower back, rubbing his free hand in circles over the boy's hip and backside and moving Misaki closer to his own body heat. The boy hiccupped and sobbed a few more times, but Usagi noticed a brief moment when Misaki stilled and relaxed, and took full advantage of it.

"UWAH!" Misaki howled as Usagi slid all the way inside him without warning. Usagi groaned at the searing hot flesh that surrounded his cock, but still felt Misaki tense in pain and hear his low sobs. He kissed the boy's back a few mores times, then began riding him at a steady rock. Misaki's breath hitched in times with the thrusts, and tears began to run down his cheeks as Usagi's grip on his hips and thrusting grew harder. The teen put his cheek against the cold kitchen floor and shut his eyes, moans still spilling out of his mouth as Akihiko rode him hard and rough, all the way to a climax.

The teen let out a wailing moan as he came and felt his entire body go limp, Akihiko's hands the only thing holding his knees up. Usagi kept rocking, riding Misaki's orgasm till he came himself, his seed filling and spilling out of his young uke.

Misaki winced as Akihiko pulled out and let him go. The spent teen dropped his hips to the floor, his own cum soaking into his disheveled clothes. Akihiko took in the delicious sight of an exhausted Misaki, then licked the back of the boy's ear, smiling at the tiny mewl that came from behind the small closed lips.

"That's a good badger Misaki." Usagi cooed, twirling a lock of the teen's hair around his finger. "See? Your daddy always makes you feel good. And in exchange, you get the prestige of being the uke that made me Slytherin king."

More tears welled up in Misaki's eyes, and his bound wrists started to shake. Akihiko leaned down and untied his hands, then snaked his arms around the boy's torso and pulled him off the floor. He took Misaki's chin and leaned his lips in for a kiss, but the teen jerked his mouth away at the last second. Not being one to be denied, Usagi pulled the boy's mouth back and caught it anyways. But he was a little shocked when Misaki didn't give in, but fought back, trying to twist his entire head to get out of the kiss.

The seme grew irritated at the boy's protests and gripped a handful of Misaki's hair, holding him still as he intruded the small mouth almost violently. The more the boy struggled, the harder he gripped, not even noticing that Misaki's face was contorted with pain. Akihiko suddenly stopped as his mouth caught some of the subtle jars of Misaki's sobs, and he realized how rough he was being. He broke the kiss, and stared at the hiccupping and gasping boy for a brief moment.

The older man sighed and placed a hand on the teen's head to ruffle his hair, but stopped when he felt Misaki flinch. Akihiko stood up, leaving Misaki sitting half dressed on the floor. After adjusting his clothes, Usagi headed for the door.

"See you later Misaki badger. Enjoy the gift."

Misaki heard the door shut and immediately broke out into wailing sobs.

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><p>Review comments next chapter! Promise :)<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes :) I am doing much better now and I'm happy to be back.

And don't worry about Misaki. ;) Some rabbit stew is a' brewin.

As always, thanks for reading and drop a review ^_^

huggles!

TBF101

P.S. So many people liked the idea of a "Free Shinobu" in a box, that I took the initiative to draw a cartoon of it. Don't Preach Sensei was kind enough to put it on her deviant art account and even drew one herself! XD Links will be posted at the bottom of the page so check it out and have a good laugh at our little terrorist. ;D

P.S. For those of you who liked Fanged Rabbit, I will eventually be doing a oneshot sequel to it in which misaki is a fully changed vamp. and then when that's done, I plan to do a fic called "fanged Egoist" as well ;D (and if i get a few ideas maybe a terrorist one too!) so look forward to that!

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><p>Chapter Twelve: Serious Repercussions<p>

"Here Misaki-kun, drink some tea. You'll feel better." Ayase smiled half-heartedly as he handed Misaki a steaming cup. The brunette accepted it gratefully, blinking his eyes that felt as scratchy as sandpaper. The other Hufflepuffs all surrounded the red-eyed Misaki, concern and indignance steaming out of every single one of them. They'd come back to the common room only to find Misaki sobbing uncontrollably on one of the couches. After a badger group hug and many reassuring words, they'd managed to coax out what had happened, and were shocked and horrified when they'd found out a Slytherin had actually penetrated the safe house (in more ways than one). Misaki had started crying fresh tears when he saw their faces, apologizing over and over again to his betrayed housemates. Even after they comforted him and told him they weren't mad, Misaki was still heartbroken.

"I'm—I'm so sorry…" Misaki sniffed, his shivering hands gripping the cup of tea. "And I won't even ask for you to forgive me…"

"Misaki," Ayase said, wrapping a thin arm around his housemate's shoulder. "We're friends, and friend forgive each other. But in this case, you don't even need to ask, because none of this was YOUR fault."

"Wha?" Misaki murmured in confusion, his pooling green eyes lifting slightly.

"Isn't it obvious?" Onodera frowned. "That bastard Slytherin manipulated you! Just like they manipulate all of us every day."

"B-But," Misaki stuttered. "Usa—….he's not a bad person. He just…"

"He made a mistake." Chiaki murmured, his blue eyes locked on the floor. "A terrible mistake…" The dark-haired brunette lifted his sad eyes and gave Misaki a grave half-smile. "Believe me Misaki, I know how you feel. T—Tori did…something...something similar to me a couple years ago…He hurt me very much."

Misaki's lip parted in shock, but he understood what Chiaki meant. The teen lifted his hands and took a careful sip of his tea, the heat that seeped down his throat helping to calm the storm festering in his head.

Onodera stood up and walked irritably around, his face a contorted menagerie of anger, rage, and just plain pissed.

"Those fuckers," He growled. "This has gone way too far."

Ayase sighed and Misaki's eyes began to water again.

"I know," Ayase murmured. "But…I guess, putting up with 'those fuckers' is what we do best."

"The hell it is!" Onodera cried, his own eyes starting to water. "Today Takano slammed my head into a wall! And Ayase you have huge bruises all over your arms and look what happened to Misaki! We're all getting hurt, I could have a concussion, and we're just supposed to put up with it!"

The entire house went silent, and three pairs of eyes stared at Onodera in shock, which made a blush creep over his cheeks in a matter of milliseconds.

"Excuse me," He said, sitting mellowly back into his chair. "I didn't mean to yell…"

"No…"

Everyone glanced over at Misaki, who teary eyes had begun to harden.

"Onodera-kun, you're right."

Ayase nodded.

"I agree. This is unacceptable and we're going to end up a lot worse if we keep going down this path."

"But," Chiaki murmured. "What are you going to do?"

Onodera, Ayase, and Misaki all exchanged fiery glances, and they were all formulating the exact same plan.

True to form, Akihiko had arrived back at Slytherin like Pompey in a Roman Triumph. The other semes had jokingly asked what he'd done in the past 37 minutes, and he'd proudly explained that he'd just become the Neil Armstrong of Slytherin, and had fucked a badger in the badger's den. The others (especially Kanou) had called his account a load of crock, until Usagi waved a carved wooden cup haughtily in their faces. It was Helga Hufflepuff's cup and was a keepsake of the badger house. Usagi had swiped it off the mantel before he'd left, so there wouldn't be any doubts that the man had been in (and fucked in) the Hufflepuff common room.

The coronation commenced.

Akihiko sat proudly at the head of the large table, his elbows up and his fingers interweaved. His eyes glanced around the table at his new minions, and he was pleased to see Kanou still fuming. But even King Kong couldn't deny that Akihiko was now the real royalty of Slytherin, and would remain so forever.

As his first decree, Lord Usami decided that the entire house would travel forthwith to the tavern and drink themselves stone fucking drunk. So every seme (minus Shiki who was on booty call) lit up a smoke and filed out of the house, stopping briefly in the halls to shrug on their coats.

"Oy Usami," Takano smiled at the silver haired emperor. "So how'd your uke take to being banged in his own home?"

Akihiko shrugged nonchalantly, even while an uncomfortable picture of Misaki sobbing flashed across his eyes.

"He liked it, as always. By the way, I bet your screamer could be heard all the way to China today. Whadya do? Give him one hell of a blowjob?"

Takano snorted.

"Actually he was screeching because I dragged him into my room a little too roughly and he smacked his head clean against the doorframe. He's fine though, just made a helluva lot of noise."

Kanou chuckled.

"They tend to do that. But there's a nice little line between pain and pleasure that's fun to cross every now and then. Am I right semes?"

The Slytherins were about to reply when they heard an ungodly Italian racket skip it's way down the hall and brake right in front of the group.

"Bounjourno Seniores! I has a message for yoose frum your darlings in Hufflepuff!"

"Oh?" Akihiko raised an eyebrow.

"Si Si!" The bumbling Italian chirped, handing Akihiko a letter then skipping back down the hall.

"What's that?" Takano asked, pointing at the envelope. Usagi shrugged.

"Beats me."

Akihiko deftly ripped the paper open as pulled out a handwritten letter. His violet eyes began to scan the contents, and his mouth dropped in utter horror. Kanou and the others looked at him curiously.

"Read…" Usagi said blandly, shoving the paper into Kanou's hands. The other seme started reading and he too became aghast at the contents, which read…

_This is an official letter from all of the residents of Hufflepuff House to the house of Slytherin._

_Dear Fuckers (the bad kind), _

_We, your ukes would like to convey our utter horror and disgust that each and every one of you are little more than sex-craved douchebags who could care less about us and how we feel. Since we feel it is not in our best interest to be beaten and abused by a group of giant morons, we are officially forming the Union of Pissed Badgers and Ukes or UPBU. And we are announcing that the first officially act of UPBU is to boycott your house and all of its residents. Specifically, this boycott will entail the house of Hufflepuff being on lockdown and absolutely no contact with the residents. This strike will begin as soon as you have read this letter and will continue until Hufflepuff receives SINCERE apologies and written agreements to keep ukedom safe in the future. _

_In other words: WE HATE YOU. APOLOGIZE OR FUCK OFF. _

_Signed, Onodera Ritsu, Yukiya Ayase, and Takahashi Misaki_

_Ukes of Hufflepuff _

_P.S._

_Have fun playing with your wands ALONE._

Every single member of Slytherin went dead silent as the letter was passed around.

Takano looked up, his mouth and eyes wide.

"There's no way they would do this!"

Usagi's horrified eyes looked up.

"I think they just did…"

Slytherin house was aghast. Those ukes had just made Hufflepuff history and given them serious repercussion all in a one-paragraph letter. And every seme was now thinking the exact same thing.

Fuck.

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><p>No matter what, ukes will always have the last word ;)<p>

All three couples will appear within the next few chapters. (Including terrorist XMoymoy :D)

Egoistfangirl- I hope you come back from the dead soon :( I misses you. There will be some egoist within the next few chapters that you won't wanna miss!

Maggie Mae- Lol, and I imagine that Nowaki has one hell of a broom hahaha! XD

Laura- Yes ^^ I'm okay. Tank you! Glad you liked romantica :D and don't worry. there is uke revenge!

Kawaiichibi-tan- ^^ don't worry. i'm on a roll and i'm not giving up! huggles forever!

KitElizaking- huh...Misaki does look like Harry. They even both have too much angst! Lol. But I'm inclined to think that Misaki is cuter/less of an emo ass. XD tee hee, glad the wand and snitch joke was liked. I actually got that from a Tom Felton interview. Some lady actually said that to him! 0.0

Lil' Miss Monochrome- taaank you for the subscription :) and the heart. (that was a heart right?)

spiritmind675- I will add Sumi soon I promise! Trying to fit him in somewhere...grrr...

rechanxramenxlover- thank you so much! XD I would love ten cookies!

Puppyfacetwo- Don't worry, those badger have some tricks of their own to pull on those stinkers :)

My favorite GT Cerberus- Wow I loved your review! ^^ I'm glad the dark undetones appeal to you :D and rabbit stew is in the making! And on another note, oh god! Even in the tamer lemons of Chiaki/Hatori, that man is an animal! 0.o I love the couple but good grief. Makes you wonder what else is behind those very professional japanese eyes... ok nevermind i don't wanna know...

(and i loved your picture! XDD)

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><p>Linkies to picys<p>

Mine- dontpreachdot deviantartdot com/ art/ Shinobu-in-a-Box-by-BF101-263851309 (replace dots and take out spaces)

Don't Preach's- dontpreachdot deviantart dotcom/#/d4d5pyy


	13. Chapter 13

Again, thank you all for the reviews, subscriptions, story favs, and author favs. I never thought I would be a favorite author T_T *gets all weepy *

sniff...I promised myself I wouldn't internet cry!

New chapter will probably be up tomorrow night or sunday. Terrorist then Egoist to come! ^_^ Hope you enjoy!

**TBF101**

P.S. I finally joined the world and got a deviant art account. I like to draw as much as I like to write so if you want check out my art follow the link!

theblackflamingo 101dot deviantartdotcom

(Phew! Thank god that name wasn't taken!)

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen: Resolve and Paranoia<strong>

It only took about four days for the house of Slytherin to realize that they had SERIOUSLY underestimated the resolve of those adorable little ukes.

They had all initially been scared shitless after reading that letter, but had all calmed down by telling themselves that that bambi-eyed lollipop guild couldn't possibly defy them in such an obtuse way. So they'd retreated to the common room, kept up the smoking game, and waited for the badgers to come and stammer that they didn't mean it and peace would resume (along with awesome make up sex).

Oh how wrong they were.

Akihiko and Kanou (as rich and power hungry as they were) had set up 24-hour surveillance cameras outside the entrance to the badger common room and watched the monitors like the superbowl. They stayed up all night, replaying the tapes, and checking their systems to make sure their watchees hadn't hacked into their computers and fed them a loop (Yes they were that paranoid, even though they knew perfectly well that they were the tech savvy ones in their relationships. And the fact that they knew this really proved to them that they had lost what little common sense they possessed. They were dealing with Hufflepuff, not Al Qaeda for god's sake! Even still, they checked for loops and even searched their own common room for hidden cameras just to be sure.). But after it became clear to them that the ukes really were not going to leave their common room until the semes apologized, the panic really began to sink in, and Slytherin house hurriedly gathered around the poker table and looked for loopholes in the badger's plan.

"Okay, let's think about this," Takano pondered, adjusting his dark-rimmed glasses. "Resolve or not, there are basic needs that those ukes can't get from the common room and couldn't have supplied that quickly in advance. We just need to pinpoint them and use it to or advantage."

"So what do we have?" Akihiko asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table in classic smart seme position. (Hey, even if you were plotting evil, why not look good doing it?)

"For starters," Takano thought. "Food."

Kanou sighed.

"We installed that damn kitchen."

"Fuck." Takano growled as he remembered.

Akihiko too looked pissed.

"Not to mention Misaki's a great cook, meaning not ONLY will they have plenty of food, but they'll probably even be eating better than we will!"

Slytherin house groaned in unison.

"Okay, food's out," Takano said. "What else to we have?"

"I don't even know anymore." Kanou growled. "What with the bloody internet, Amazon, Ebay, and the home shopping network (which WE gave them a subscription to), they have everything they need at their fingertips! We're screwed!"

Takano raised an eyebrow.

"Does that expression even work in this situation?"

"OK THEN MR. TECHNICAL, we're NOT screwed! FEEL BETTER?"

Takano pinched his nose between his fingers, squinting his eyes shut.

"Fuck it. He's right! We have nothing! Nothing! Zilch! Nada!"

The implications of this quickly sunk in.

They really were going to have to set their pride on the chopping block and apologize.

The heads of Slytherin hit the desk in unison.

Kanou clenched his gorilla fist in rage and muttered every swear word known to man or beast.

"There is NO. FUCKING. WAY I am going to be beat by a couple of pretty boys (really pretty boys) who can't even look at their own nipples without blushing!"

The others nodded in agreement, furrowed their brows, and continued pondering.

"I say we start a fire." Takano muttered.

Akihiko's raised an eyebrow.

"We're not starting a fire."

"Why?" Takano growled. "Because it would work?"

"No fires." Kanou muttered in agreement, leaving Takano visibly disappointed.

"Hmm." Akihiko suddenly murmured. "I think we may have forgotten something."

"What?" Kanou asked.

"What about their schoolwork? I know for a fact that not one of those badgers has self-study. So how are they getting to their classes?"

Takano sighed.

"I checked that. For some reason their grades are completely fine! In fact, they don't even have marks for absences! What the fuck?"

Akihiko ran a hand through his hair, snarling under his breath.

"How are those little fuckers doing it? How could they leave without us seeing them?"

Takano and Kanou moaned with him and lit more cigarettes, Takano coughing into his hand and muttering the word "fire" several more times.

Two days later, the Slytherins had slowly and painfully gone from irked to panicked. They had even taken Takano's fire idea into consideration and shopped online for time-released explosives. (Not that they intended to hurt the ukes. They just wanted to scare them enough to flush them out and land picturesquely in their strong seme arms and have all grudges be forgotten in the trauma followed by freaking awesome I-just-had-a-brush-with-death-and-have-become-really-horny sex followed by makeup sex).

But that idea was unfortunately shot down when Amazon refused to deliver said explosives to a school, no matter how much a certain loan shark tried to bribe them with.

And now that they were out of money and ideas (well, not money. They were rich as sin after all.), the three manipulative, but dignified men had become extremely, pitifully desperate. And what was more, they had not had proper sex in six entire days.

The distinguished house of Slytherin was at its limits in more ways than one.

Or more accurately, they had reached their breaking point. Which left them with two options.

One: own up and apologize.

Two: Storm Hufflepuff, yell threats, and scare the fuckers out.

"ONODERA FUCKING RITSU! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF THAT FUCKING COMMON ROOM BEFORE I FUCKING KICK IT BACK TO FUCKING MIDDLE SCHOOL!"

And predictably, they had gone with option two.

The three semes had put on their ties and suit coats and marched from their common room like Germany invading France in World War II (though a bit more picturesquely). Takano, Kanou, and Akihiko now stood in front of the entrance to Hufflepuff, and they were ready to rumble.

The three ukes, (one of which had nearly jumped out of his skin when Takano screamed bloody murder) had pressed their ears against their front door, hoping the tinniest bit for an apology but fully aware that their chances were quintessentially slim. All the same, they exchanged smirks as they heard the frustrated and desperate undertones in their semes' voices, and they were curious as to what the morons were going to try now.

"AYASE!" Kanou boomed. "Come on out here and face me! You're just hiding like a coward! If you had any pride you'd come out and give it to me straight!"

"Misaki badger," Akihiko called slickly. "Let's talk about this. I'm sure all this fighting isn't what you really want."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOUR FUCKING ASS WHEN YOU GET OUT HERE ONODERA! YOU HALF-ASSED DENYING BASTARD!"

The seme anger increased when pin drop silence followed their various outbursts, but they inclined their necks expectantly when they clear someone inside clear their throat.

"We would like to convey our sympathy that the members of Slytherin seem to have trouble with their eyes." The voice said. Kanou picked it out as Ayase.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Takano screamed back.

"IT MEANS GO READ OUR LETTER!" Onodera bellowed. "IT SAID 'APOLOGIZE OR FUCK THE HELL OFFFFFF!"

Takano roared and clenched his fists. He was just about ready to try and physically pummel his way through the stone wall to get to Onodera, when Usagi held a palm up and spoke.

"Misaki, be reasonable and come out. I'm sure all this conflict is making you uncomfortable. And besides, you wouldn't want to cause trouble for anyone, would you—"

"Don't you DARE TRY TO USE THAT ONE ON ME!" Misaki screamed back in reply, the sheer height and ferocity of his voice making Akihiko's eyes widen.

"YOU—YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF USAGI! YOU MANIPULATED ME AND BROKE MY TRUST ALL SO YOU COULD WIN A STUPID GAME THAT'S OBVIOUSLY MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN ME! AND I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER FORGIVE YOU! SO TAKE YOUR BAD ATTITUDE AND GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

All three semes were stunned by Misaki's words, Akihiko most of all as he realized the effect his actions had had on his partner.

He really, truly had hurt Misaki.

He really had abused the one he loved more than life.

And most of all, Misaki had just cussed him out…

Akihiko felt his lavender eyes drift ashamedly towards the floor.

The others, seeing as how their ukes didn't just give them a verbal pummeling, resumed yelling with no result. Kanou was so pissed he was about to join Takano in the street fight against the brick wall, when an annoying familiar voice came chirping down the halls.

"Buona sera signore e signori!"

Kanou turned and scowled at Feliciano, who was strumming away at his guitar with a new ballad about his friend Germany.

"Fuck off pasta eater! We're busy trying to get into the damn common room!"

Italy cocked his head, looking confused. (Well, more confused than usual.)

"You cannot get in front door. Why don't you just go in back, si?"

The house of Slytherin dropped their mouths simultaneously.

"The…BACK DOOR?" Takano stuttered in utter amazement.

"Si, si! Just go through the secret passageway from da' kitchen. One staircase gets you in common room, no?"

The house of Slytherin bolted down the corridor faster than you could say, "Graze mille."

But seconds after they were gone, the three horrified ukes raced out of their common room and bolted down the other corridor faster than you could say "fuck."

With the way they had just talked to those three very big, very strong, very powerful men, they feared for their lives. And so Plan B had been immediately put into effect, meaning they were going to run like hell to Gryffindor and beg for sanctuary.

What they knew was that they were screwed.

But what they didn't know is that they were about to cause World War III.

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><p>DUN DUN DUUUUUNNN!<p>

Lol.

**Spiritmind675**- Lol, I know the Slytherins are a little much. I tend to get a lot of my humor and writing style from overexaggeration so that's why they seem a little sex driven.. Well, okay. A LOT sex driven. Thanks for the love! ^^

**Laura**- Glad your excited for the Fanged Uke oneshot! UKE POWERS ACTIVATE! HOOO! XO

**Kitelizaking**-LOL! I actually thought of that when I was writing but...I mean come onn! How on earth am i gonna make UPYRS stand for something relevant? Lol. I surprised I get this far as it is. XD

**X**- So glad you liked the pics ^_^ and I have big plans for Fanged Egoist. (Including a fanged Hiroki and yummy human Nowaki ;D little plot teaser for ya there!) And I'm glad you appreciate my dark humor XD...most people dont... *head/ desk *

**Egoistfangirl**- OMIGOD YOUR ALIVE! *RUNS ACROSS BEACH * XDDD Egoist will be back soon!

**Booboobitxch666**- *bows back * thank you so much for your praise! ^_^ I'm so happy you liked this and Fanged Rabbit. Hope you enjoy future chapters just as much! Arigato! :D

**Don't Preach**- please don't die while your internet is out :( *crosses herself and prays to computer god to help you *

THANKS FOR READING! ENJOY THE UPCOMING WAR HAHAHAHAH! XDD


	14. Chapter 14

Phew. Alrighty! Enjoy the tension and a bit of terrorist! :D New chap should be up in 1-2 days! Egoist next chapter!

**TBF101**

P.s. If you haven't seen my profile lately, I have started a new Hatsukoi fic called "Always" which will revolve around Yuu. (Blame Egoistfangirl. She got me all worked up that Yuu was single.) So I'm going to be working on both this and that fic now, so sorry if updates are a little more belated. But I'll probably update this one if at all possible since it has the most readers. But anyways, just a heads up if you're wondering where the fuck I am :)

P.p.s Thank you for the reviews! I'll reply to them next chapter I promise! Thank for reading and I love you all!

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><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen: Seme Wars<strong>

The three semes had found the hidden staircase and gotten into the badger common room in a matter of minutes. (And the irony was not lost on them that it had taken them years to get in here. Well, without trickery and a cake stand.) But once they had gotten into the room and saw the front door swinging open, they nearly banged their heads against the wall for being so rash. As the intelligent thing to do would've been to steak out both entrances so no badgers could escape. But simultaneously, they recognized that now there were three scared little ukes who no longer had a den to hide in. They were on the run, meaning all that needed to be done was to track them down. There were only so many places to hide after all. So after searching every inch of Hufflepuff house and taking a few souvenirs (mainly unmentionables from their ukes' rooms.), they stood in a huddle in the kitchen figuring out their next move.

"I think I've got it," Usagi said. (In between casting lingering glances at the spot on the kitchen floor where the badger christening had taken place. Though he did notice that the floor smelled like it had been soaked in bleach overnight.)

"Not all of the ukes in Hufflepuff are dating Slytherins. And they don't have a reason to hide from us. So if they're not here…"

Takano nodded.

"They're staying in a different house. And that would be the most likely place for our fuckers to hide."

"And even if they aren't there," Kanou added with a smirk. "I'm sure we can get them to give us a little information."

Akihiko returned the smile.

"Right. So let's go to Ravenclaw and see if Yanase's love interest will spill his guts."

Kisa Shouta yawned and stretched his arms as he put away his final textbook for the day. He gratefully slid the giant, boring book onto the coffee table in the Ravenclaw common room, and took out the twenty-second volume of a shoujo he was reading. An aromatic smelled drifted in from another of the rooms, making Kisa's stomach rumble.

"Hey Yoshino," Kisa called to the large table near the other end of the common room. "That smell is heavenly. What's Hatori making you now?"

"Beef stew." Chiaki replied excitedly, his pen tracing a doodle lazily along a piece of scratch paper.

Kisa's mouth watered at the thought.

"God, I wish Hatori-kun would make me food. Though it's a shame he has to cook on that portable stove instead of using you guys' kitchen."

"Yeah," Chiaki smiled. "But Tori's a good cook no matter where he is."

"Fortunately for you," Kisa laughed. "He told me your rice balls were the most disgusting things he's ever tasted."

"Hey now," Chiaki answered. "Everyone knows I hate making rice! But he was right. They were gross. Which is why I have resolved to just have Tori feed me. I will eat but never cook!"

Kisa grinned. Poor Hatori. That man must be as patient as a goddamned rock to put up with this airhead on a regular basis. But still, Hatori did seem a bit happier when Chiaki was around…if incredibly stressed out…

The petite black-hair jerked as a loud pounding came from the front door. He sighed and uncurled his legs, dropping his book on the table as he headed over.

"Is Kamijou back already?" He yawned as his fingers untwisted the lock. Kisa slowly opened the door, but once it was slightly ajar, a hand the size of Memphis shot into the crack and slammed it open, revealing three very huge, very angry Slytherin semes.

Kisa jumped back in fright as his large eyes caught the body language of the three. Even though he was older than all of them, he was wary. As much as Yukina told him constantly that size didn't matter (height wise), in this case, it REALLY FUCKING did.

"Excuse me," Kisa said cautiously. "Can I help you with something?"

"Yes you can." Takano answered in a low, menacing tone.

"Kisa-san, who was at the door—" Chiaki stopped cold and his blue eyes shot open as he saw the three giant semes who were dating his housemates. And upon seeing the dark-haired Hufflepuff, Kanou shot forward and grabbed Chiaki by the wrist, yanking him towards the group.

"WHERE IS AYASE?" Kanou boomed, causing Chiaki to yelp as the giant hand gripped his wrist.

"Hey! Stop it!" Kisa yelled, but his voice went unnoticed.

"ANSWER ME!" Kanou yelled when Chiaki didn't reply. The dark brunette bit his lip and grimaced, struggling to get out of the seme's gorilla grip.

"You heard him," Takano growled. "Where are Takahashi, Yukiya, and Onodera?"

"I—I don't know!" Chiaki cried.

"YES YOU DO!" Kanou screamed. "Tell me or I'll break your arm!"

Chiaki cried out again as the hand tightened like a vice. He struggled harder but couldn't get away.

"Let him go!" Kisa yelled, but to no avail.

"TELL ME!" Kanou ordered.

"T—TORRRIIIII!" Chiaki screamed at the top of his lungs, thrashing to get away.

"Yoshino, what is all that noise—" Hatori stopped dead as he saw Chiaki and the three semes, but his surprise quickly turned to rage as he bolted forward and punched Kanou straight in the face. Kanou dropped Chiaki's hand as he stumbled back and Hatori grabbed his uke by the waist and shoved him out of the way, putting himself between Chiaki and the Slytherins.

"What the fuck do you want!" Hatori snarled in a razor sharp tone that made everyone flinch in fear. Chiaki was already shaking like a leaf and clutching his bruised wrist, but he yelped as he heard the fearsome rage in his lover's voice. He'd never heard Tori talk like that to anyone.

"We want to know where our Hufflepuffs are." Takano hissed back.

Hatori's eyes narrowed.

"They're not here. Get the fuck out."

Kanou stepped forward again, his teeth gritted and his fists clenched.

"Where not leaving until that fucker tells us they are!" He roared, trying to push past Hatori.

"Touch him again and I'll kill you." Hatori snarled back, his tone even but his words slicing like a sharpened blade. Chiaki quivered in fear, but tightly clutched the back of Hatori's shirt.

"Now GET OUT." Hatori commanded, drawing up to his full height and arching his neck threateningly. In spite of their rage at the situation, the Slytherins couldn't help but be the slightest bit impressed. Who knew there was such a powerful seme in Ravenclaw? It was a pity he was standing in their way.

"We just need a little information." Takano replied, his eyes as dark as Hatori's.

"Did you here what he said fuckers? Get out!" A higher pitcher voice called from the other side of the room. Shinobu stalked over and stood next to Hatori, his grey eyes narrowed in defiance and anger.

"Stay out of this Shinobu." Hatori commanded.

Kanou almost laughed as he took in the sight of the Ravenclaw trying to make himself taller and more threatening than he really was. He barked out a laugh which made the honey-blond even more irritated.

"What are you going to do about it little fucker?" Kanou sneered. "Kick me out?"

"You're damn right I will!" Shinobu yelled back, clenching his pale hands. "This isn't fucking Slytherin, it's fucking Ravenclaw and you don't live here so GET THE FUCK OUT—" Shinobu's rant was cut short as Kanou grabbed the front of his tan sweater vest and yanked him off his feet. The blond felt his toes touching nothing but air and the grip of a man four times as big as him ready to pummel him into the floor. Shinobu's air of tenacity immediately flushed out of his body and he quivered as he saw the rage in the seme's eyes.

"Oy, put the brat down before I call the headmaster." A cool voice rang. Kanou's eyes immediately darted to the top of the stairs that led to the bedrooms, where Miyagi was smoking a cigarette. The tall man's body language was casual, but his black eyes held power and control.

Kanou dropped Shinobu unceremoniously and the blond quickly scrambled to his feet and looked over at his savior.

"Miyagi…" His voice creaked out, barely audible.

"Now, I don't see why you three haven't left yet," Miyagi muttered nonchalantly as he walked down the steps. "After all, it's obvious your boyfriends aren't here and we haven't a clue as to where they are, so why don't you get out of our common room before I report you."

The three Slytherins were again taken aback at the hidden strength of this Ravenclaw. Although he lacked the fiery jealously of the first, he clearly was a seme through and through, as much as he tried to cover it.

Shinobu was also in awe as he watched Miyagi calmly but effectively address the intruders. His grey eyes widened in pride and adoration as Miyagi stood face to face with the other semes.

"Miyagi…" He whispered sacredly, almost on the brink of passionate tears.

But even in the face of two very strong Ravenclaw semes, the Slytherins had not lost any of their own tenacity.

"We want answers," Takano snarled slowly. "And if you think we're going to leave before we get them, you've got another thing coming…"

Hatori and Miyagi narrowed their eyes, but said nothing.

"Oy," Akihiko suddenly spoke, as if they were doing something as casual as playing a game of poker. "If this is Ravenclaw, where is Hiroki?"

"He's probably in Gryffindor with his boyfriend." Another low voice spoke from the top of the stairs. In one brief glance from his knowing green eyes, Hisoka had a handle on the situation. He slowly walked over and stood between Hatori and Miyagi, his face calm, but his eyes angry.

"We've already established that we are not going to tell you anything," Hisoka said in a low, even tone. "If you don't leave immediately I'm afraid we will have to use force."

Three pairs of Slytherin eyebrows all shot up as they took in the sight of the five-foot blond who spoke as if he was backed by a basilisk. He wasn't like the snot-nosed blond who barked loudly but had no bite. This Ravenclaw meant every word.

But that didn't mean they believed it.

"If anyone will be using force, it will be me." Kanou smirked, taking a few steps towards Hisoka. The blond narrowed his green eyes and strands of his hair began to lift and float as energy gathered around him in preparation for an offensive force field. Kanou noticed something odd, but he kept going forward with every intention of ripping the kid limb from limb.

"Kanou, let's go."

The gorilla stopped short as he heard Akihiko's cool disinterested voice. He whipped back around and cast an irritated glare as his housemate.

"Why the fuck would I do that?"

"Because," Usagi replied. Kanou snared but as he understood the seme's intentions as he caught Akihiko's sly wink.

"Fine." Kanou snarled as he and Takano whipped around and followed Usagi out the door. Once they were gone, the tension immediately dropped and everyone relaxed. Hatori turned around and took the tearful Chiaki into his arms, trying to comfort the shaking brunette while he took in steady, calming breaths. Shinobu watched longingly as Miyagi retreated back up to his room, but the blond was more determined than ever to win the lover fate had given him.

Hisoka, who was now white-faced and panting, quickly turned to Kisa and said.

"We need to… get to Gryffindor… right away…"

Kisa read between the lines and understood immediately. With a quick glance down the hall, the two Ravenclaws bolted from the tower and headed straight for the house of the lion.

* * *

><p>You don't need to see our identification.<p>

These aren't the badgers you're looking for.

Move along.


	15. Chapter 15

Hwello everybody! ^_^ Time for some Gryffindor lovin' to help ease the tension of last chapter!

Also, a certain Egoistfangirl (darn you and your bribes) requested that I draw her a pic of Nowaki in a motorcycle leather jacket. And being a much faster artist than author, naturally I had it completed in 24 hours. If only I could write as fast...

Anyways, tried to keep it as close to Nakamura's style as possible (BUT DAMN HER AND HER STUPID JAWLINES! . THEY PISS ME OFF! )

So here is the link to leather jacket Nowaki so everyone can enjoy! Just a little present for all my readers and reviewers whom I love so much!

OMG! We've topped a hundred reviews and I'm almost at 5,000 hits! 8D

T.T I am beside myself with gratitude. *bows deeply * Thank you all forever and ever.

**TBF101**

theblackflamingo 101dot deviantart dotcom/ gallery/ #/ d4ducvi

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><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen: Shield<strong>

Kisa and Hisoka ran pell mell all the way to Gryffindor tower, where Hisoka promptly collapsed on the doorstep. Kisa had banged on the door and burst straight in as soon as Tsumori unlocked it. Inside, the petite Ravenclaw found most of the house of the lion gathered in the common room around three bashful Hufflepuffs, sitting quietly in a row on one of the couches.

After Tsuzuki had deposited Hisoka on one of the recliners (or more specifically, sat on the recliner then deposited Hisoka in his lap), Kisa had proceeded to stammer out what had just occurred in their common room.

Already furious about what the ukes had told them, it took much persuading/ pleading/ reasoning/ bribery to stop the indignant Yukina from storming Slytherin and reeking havoc for what they'd done to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. (Tsuzuki would've gone as well, but was more concerned about Hisoka so his anger was sated for the time being.)

Upon hearing what had gone on in the Ravenclaw common room, Ayase had gone to Kisa and bowed in shame, apologizing profusely for what Kanou had done. The tiny blond had even suggested that he go surrender himself, but none of the Gryffindors would hear of it.

"Is Chiaki-san okay?" Ayase asked tearfully, his head still hung.

Kisa nodded.

"He's fine. Hatori and Miyagi were there too and they and Hisoka got a handle on things before it got too rough."

Ayase nodded, but cast a worried look over at Hisoka, who looked pale and exhausted.

"Are you alright Hisoka-san?" Ayase murmured timidly.

Tsuzuki gave the blond a warm, reassuring smile that helped to slightly brighten the uke's melancholy.

"Oh he's fine." The Gryffindor said, lovingly running his fingers through Hisoka's sandy hair.

"The hell I am…" Hisoka grunted out irritably, his eyes remaining closed.

Tsuzuki laughed.

"Hisoka has had to learn many times that one who is an empath shouldn't get angry so quickly and use their powers."

"Shaddup…" Hisoka muttered weakly, briefly tightening his lips.

"Besides, our number one priority is keeping all of you safe." Tsuzuki added, nodding towards Onodera and Misaki.

Misaki stared at the floor, his verdant eyes not lifting for any of the voices, while Onodera was glancing around fearfully.

"I don't know, they may have already figured out we're here and are planning to storm your common room too." Onodera rambled.

Kisa shook his head.

"There's no doubt that they know where you are."

"What?" Onodera yelped, his lower lip dropping. His eyes shot towards the door, as if he expected Takano to burst through any moment and pillage his village right here on the floor.

"Relax," Tsumori muttered from where he stood against the wall. "Gryffindor outnumbers them, they wouldn't dare try that here. Especially since they just underestimated Ravenclaw so badly. My guess is they've gone back to their common room and are a' scheming."

Onodera did not take much comfort in those words.

"Tsumori-san," Yukina said. "You should go wake up Nowaki-san. He might have a few ideas about what we should do."

"Gotcha," The other Gryffindor replied, walking across the room and heading up the stairs.

"But how did they figure out that we were here?" Onodera barked at Kisa. At the Hufflepuff's question, Hisoka slowly opened his bright green eyes.

"When we were in the common room," Hisoka murmured. "The second I mentioned Gryffindor, one of the Slytherins realized where you'd gone immediately. I felt the spike in his emotions."

"Which one?" Kisa asked.

"The one with gray hair. His mind was thinking heavily when he left, though I don't know what he's planning."

At the mention of Akihiko, Ayase and Onodera subtly glanced at Misaki, but the brunette merely continued to stare at the floor, doing some heavy thinking himself.

"SON OF A SNITCH!"

Everyone in the common room flinched as they heard a screaming yelp come from upstairs. Tsumori came down a few second later, his eyes wide as saucers.

"GOOD FUCK!" He yelled. "I open the bloody door and I nearly get my head taken off by an alarm clock! What the hell?"

"Oh…that's right. Kamijou is over." Tsuzuki said in realization.

Tsumori took a couple deep breaths.

"Good crap," He sighed. "I didn't think Nowaki's boy toy would be so upset over being woken up from a nap. Jesus Christ."

"Please don't take it personally Tsumori-san, Hiro-san does that to everyone." A warm, sleepy voice said from the top of the stairs. Nowaki padded down the steps, wearing a sleep-wrinkled T-shirt and long black sweatpants. He smiled automatically at everyone, but his smile faded slightly as he saw three very distressed Hufflepuffs and two shaken Ravenclaws in addition to his housemates.

Kisa and Yukina quickly filled Nowaki in on the situation, and the raven-haired giant felt so much pity for ukes that it almost broke his gentle heart. And it took every ounce of self-restraint he had not to race over to the Hufflepuffs, gather them into his arms and cuddle the crap out of them till next Christmas. But instead, he merely spoke,

"Don't worry, everything will be all right. I will make sure of that."

Ayase and Onodera stared in awe at the giant man with the kindest eyes they'd ever seen. They were so shocked by his gentleness that they almost went to little uke cardiac arrest.

Well, almost. Instead, they gapped for a few moments before quietly murmuring words of thanks. The big goof nodded, but then his eyes drifted over to Misaki, who still hadn't lifted his head. Cobalt eyes peered closer and Nowaki's chest dropped as he saw the teen's lip quivering.

Compassion overwhelming his teddy bear heart, Nowaki walked straight over and placed his hands on the Misaki's shoulders. Green eyes finally rose up, but they were quickly pooled in tears. The brunette was jarred by how warm the Gryffindor's hands were, but they were so large the touch unmistakably reminded him of Akihiko. And that thought brought a wave of happiness and a wave of sadness all flooding into the teen's head at the same time and overwhelming what little front he had. He sniffed and blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears as fast as possible. Nowaki's brow creased in pity as he saw Misaki's tears and he wrapped his strong arms around the teen, cradling him to his broad chest as if he could shield him from any feelings of sorrow and despair.

"It will be alright Misaki-kun." Nowaki said as the brunette rested his forehead against Nowaki's shoulder.

"AHEM." A growling voice coughed. Nowaki lifted his eyes and saw Hiroki standing at the top of the stairs, looking a little less than picturesque having been deprived of his nap. Hiroki raised an auburn eyebrow at the sight of Nowaki hugging Akihiko's badger brat, but he merely stormed down the stairs and dryly growled,

"What the fuck did Asshole-hiko do now?"

Nowaki smiled sadly, still rubbing Misaki's back as he gave his boyfriend a synopsis. Hiroki glanced at Misaki again, who'd shifted away from Nowaki and was rubbing his now-dry eyes. The brunette scowled, more at Akihiko's degree of moronicness than at his surroundings, but walked over to where Nowaki and Misaki sat and dryly barked,

"Quit your worrying brat. Akihiko is a giant ass, but he knows damn well when he makes a mistake. You and him will be back to your fucking miserable lives before you know it."

Nowaki watched as he saw a slight flicker of life go into the teen's green eyes. Misaki wiped away the last of his tears and gave Hiroki a single nod, already looking much more relieved. Nowaki smiled proudly. Hiro-san was so kind.

At least when he wasn't chucking alarm clocks.

"Well," Tsumori coughed, immediately gathering everyone's attention. "It's almost about five, so I imagine the Slytherins won't try anything else today. In the meantime, you three can stay the night here."

If this had been at any other time, the three (overly) polite Hufflepuffs would've quietly declined the generous offer, but fully aware that they didn't have any others options, they just bowed and said thank you.

"Hmm, but we only have one extra bed…" Yukina pretended to muse. "Some of us might have to double up…"

Kisa rolled his eyes.

"We already sleep in the same bed Yukina." He muttered.

Yukina grinned.

"That's not what I meant. Hey Tsuzuki, how does a foursome sound?"

"Fucktastic." Tsuzuki grinned. "OW! God Hisoka that hurt!"

"Kisa-san! Where are you going?"

"Back to Ravenclaw, it's safer there…"

"Kisa-san we were just kidding! It was a joke! A JOKE! Come on, wasn't it just a little bit funny?…..….Kisa-san I'm sorry! Please come back!"

* * *

><p>Hiroki lifted his head off his pillow as Nowaki padded quietly into their dark room.<p>

"Everyone asleep?" He mumbled.

Nowaki nodded.

"Yes, Onodera-san is on the couch and Misaki-kun and Ayase-kun are sharing the spare bed."

Hiroki snorted.

"I guess they're small enough to. Little brats…"

Nowaki smiled, his brightness even lighting up a night-shaded room. He lifted up the covers and slid in next to Hiroki, resting his chin atop his boyfriend's cinnamon locks.

"Hiro-san, that was a kind thing you did for Misaki today." The giant said quietly, but proudly. As if to emphasize his joy, Nowaki's warm hands wrapped themselves around the brunette's torso and gave it an affection squeeze.

"Oh piss off. All the kid needed was a slap in the face." Hiroki barked out his words in a growling tone, but he was glad he was facing away from Nowaki, because an embarrassed flush had crept onto his pale cheeks at the giant's warm words of praise.

"Hiro-san," Nowaki murmured even more quietly after a few minutes of silence. "Do…you think those three will be okay?"

"Moron. Of course they will. You said it yourself."

"I know," Nowaki said, Hiroki turned slightly as he heard sorrow color the raven-haired man's tone.

"Nowaki?"

"Hiro-san, I'm worried. Even if the issues between Hufflepuff and Slytherin are resolved… what to stop things from happening again and getting worse? I mean, this time the Slytherins were angry enough to barge into Ravenclaw like that, so I worry about what they do to their ukes on a…. daily basis."

Hiroki's brow rose as his eyes widened.

"I mean," Nowaki continued. "I realize that the Slytherins can be very jealous, and that they feel strongly for their partners, and of course I've…felt that way too before…and…"

"You big moron." Hiroki cut in. "Stop beating around the mulberry bush and tell me what's really bothering you!—"

The brunette's growls were abruptly interrupted as Nowaki grabbed his chin and pressed his lips and tongue against Hiroki's mouth. The giant's warm, slick oral muscle deeply explored his mouth, claiming and tasting every inch of cavern, so much so that they were both panting when Nowaki broke away. Hiroki sat up and turned around and was shocked when he saw pain in the cobalt blue of his seme's eyes.

"N-Nowaki… why…what's wrong?"

Nowaki shook his head.

"I'm…I'm sorry for being weird Hiro-san. I just…I saw agony in Misaki's eyes tonight and…I just…I hope that I never ever hurt you that way."

Hiroki could only stare in shock as Nowaki hung his head. His words circled in a wide tornado around Hiroki's head, but oddly, the brunette was able to stay in the eye of it, away from the heavy winds that whipped and thrashed a mind to pieces.

The lithe brunette slowly put his hands on the bed and crawled onto the giant's lap, wrapping his thighs around Nowaki's torso. His fine-boned hands each took a side of the giant's head and tipped it back up so that their eyes met. Hiroki placed a simple kiss on Nowaki's lips.

"You fool. You could never hurt me. Because you've healed me so much that the blows can never amount to enough to break through the shield you've given me."

Nowaki's lips parted in shock.

"Hiro-san…"

Hiroki rolled his eyes.

"Idiot. Shut up and let's fuck already. There's no way I've going to be able to sleep unless we do it a couple times."

Nowaki nodded eagerly.

"I agree…..Yukina-san and Kisa-san can be rather loud…"

* * *

><p>Sorry for the cut off lol. But this chapter is already long. But don't worry. Me and the infamous stalker Egoistfangirl have cooked up a yummy egoist lemon that will appear after all this drama has been resolved.<p>

**Thanks to Egoistfangirl (and your bribes), Puppyfacetwo, sesshomaru94 (yay Sesshie! XD wah!), rechanxramenxlover, Booboobitxch666, Laura (^_^), spiritmind675, Kawaiichibi-tan, and everyone else who read, subscribes, reviews, and puts up with my daily (or other daily) insanity.**

Arigato! XD WAH!


	16. Chapter 16

HIIIIII! SQUEE! XD

Okay! We continue to build up to a big climax!...oh dear. Pun not intended. *head/ desk *

After probably the next two chapters we are going to switch back to Terrorist and much more Egoist! :D And believe me, lemons are on the way. But hilarity is always here to stay!...welll, as long as people think I'm actually funny XD

Lol. I am oddly tired but hyper. How does that work?

Enjoy! Keep sending the love and reviews! (and you, certain someone, keep spamming me bribes! XD)

TBF101

P.s. Btw if you haven't checked out my Hatsukoi fic "Always," I'd really appreciate a read! ^_^ wuv you alllll!

* * *

><p>Chapter Sixteen: House of Jocks<p>

"….Uhhhh…." Kisa groaned from the large oak table that sat in the Gryffindor common room. The petite Ravenclaw rested his cheek against the wood, his eyes clenched shut and his brow furrowed.

The reason for his distress was rather obvious.

"AND I SAID WHAT ABOUT BREAKFAST AT GRYFFINDOR? SHE SAID I THINK I THINK I REMEMBER THE HOUSE! AND I THINK I RECALL WE BOTH—"

Kisa moaned again, clamping his hands over his ears as his metrosexual boyfriend pranced around the other room making morning coffee and singing at the top of his lungs. The Ravenclaw glanced across the table at Tsumori, who was also looking extremely sleep-deprived.

"I apologize on his behalf." Kisa growled out, glaring at the auburn wood grain.

Tsumori sighed.

"I'm the one who feels sorry for you…and by the way, you two were really loud last night. Try to kick the fuckfest down a notch, will ya?"

Kisa's blushing face fell with thump, partly because of Tsumori's comment and partly because Yukina had just started the song over (for the fifth time).

"Does he do this every morning?" Kisa moaned quietly.

Tsumori nodded gravely.

"Yep. Though at least his song choice has improved. Yesterday it was 'Love Game' and the day before that was 'I like it Loud.'"

Kisa ran his fingers through his bed head hair.

"Now I'm really glad I didn't get sorted into Gryffindor…"

"You don't know the half of it," Tsumori piped up, lighting up a cigarette. "He was stuck on 'Every Time We Touch' for two weeks. Darkest fourteen days of my life."

Kisa groaned again. How on earth had he gotten sexually and romantically involved with someone who was sparklier than Edward Cullen in a sunroom this early in the bloody morning?

"Good morning everyone," Nowaki bounced into the room, looking more radiant than usual from last night's glorious Hiro-fuck. Kisa could've almost shot the man just for being so damn happy before 9am.

God he hated semes in the morning…

Tsumori muttered a half-hearted reply then asked,

"Did you check on the badgers?"

Nowaki nodded.

"They're all still asleep." He smiled, pointing a finger into the common room where a seme-less Onodera was still snoring peacefully. "But they could probably all use the extra rest."

Tsumori dipped his chin in agreement.

"Where's Kamijou?"

Nowaki beamed even brighter at the mention of his beloved partner's name.

"He's still asleep."

Tsumori raised an eyebrow.

"I thought I heard you wake him up already?"

"I did, but this is only the seventeenth time so he won't be up for at least a half hour."

"Huh?" Tsumori grunted in confusion, but it was drowned out by the still singing Yukina prancing into the room with a full coffee pot and several mugs.

"Who wants coffee?" He grinned, sending more pink sparkles cascading onto his boyfriend and housemates. Kisa groaned under his breath.

Yukina cocked his head and set the coffee pot and mugs down, padding over to Kisa and resting his chin on the dark head of hair.

"What's wrong Kisa-san? Is someone not a morning person?" He purred, nuzzling the smaller man's head.

Kisa scowled.

"If I seem sleepy, it is ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT."

Yukina grinned and snickered, planting several kisses on the top of Kisa's head.

"Why? Did I wear ya out last night?"

"I'll hit you."

"Right, sorry."

Yukina stood back up and caught excitedly Nowaki's eye.

"Whaddup lion?" He cheered, holding out a hand. Nowaki grinned and he and Yukina did the routine Gryffindor Greeting, which was two high-fives, four alternating fistbumps, a hipsmack, then yelling "Gryffindor! Roar!" while raising the roof. Nowaki and Yukina exploded into laughter afterwards, giving each other playful shoves.

Kisa's head dropped back onto the table.

Gryffindors….

"Hey you too, don't get overexcited." Tsumori called dryly. "Remember we still gotta deal with those Slytherins before something big happens."

Nowaki nodded.

"Right Tsumori-san. I'll go wake up Tsuzuki-san so we can get a plan together."

The giant quickly pounded up the steps and went to the last room on the left and knocked.

"Tsuzuki-san?"

Went no answer came, Nowaki opened the door and peeked inside, locating the large lump in the middle of the double bed. He walked into the room and over to the bedside, tapping the equally giant Gryffindor on the shoulder.

"Tsuzuki-san, it's time to get up."

The lump groaned.

"Five more minutes…."

"Tsuzuki-san," Nowaki sighed. But suddenly he noticed something odd. He was sure he'd seen Hisoka and Tsuzuki go to bed together last time, but it looked like there was only one person in the bed. Where was Hisoka? Had he gone back to Ravenclaw?

Nowaki was about to try shaking the Gryffindor's shoulders when his question was answered.

"…ghet offa meh."

"Hmmm?" Tsuzuki murmured.

"GHET OFFA MEH!"

Nowaki flinched as Tsuzuki shot up.

"Oh god, sorry Soka!"

Cobalt blue eyes widened as Nowaki saw a red faced Hisoka sit up and put his hand on his chest, panting like he'd just run a mile.

"You idiot!" Hisoka yelled (or more like wheezed as he was short of breath). "What have I told you about sleeping on top of me! I can't breathe!"

Tsuzuki rubbed at his tired eyes (he was the only seme who hated mornings).

"I said I'm sorry. I don't mean to."

"You've couldn't killed me!"

"Soka, we're already dead."

"That's not the point!"

Tsuzuki moaned again.

"You sure are loud this morning. I thought I'd conked you out good last night—ow!"

After dishing out suitable punishment, Hisoka looked back up at Nowaki, adjusting one of the sleeves on his flannel pajamas.

"We'll be down in just a minute, Nowaki-san. I assume we are formulating a plan against the Slytherins?"

Nowaki nodded.

"Yes. And if at all possible, we want to end this today."

"Nowaki! Tsuzuki!"

The giant turned as Yukina and Kisa burst into the room, waving around an envelope sealed with the Slytherin crest.

"This was just slid through our tower window."

Nowaki raised an eyebrow, but then remembered Akira's Slytherin seme had an acute fondness for ropes and scaling high things.

All of Gryffindor (except for Akira who was now most likely thrashing on the roof with Shiki from all the noise), their Ravenclaw counterparts, and the protected Hufflepuffs immediately gathered in the common room.

Tsumori read the letter, then looked up at all the expectant eyes.

"They want to meet. Not just with Hufflepuff. With us."

"Where?" Nowaki asked.

"The Quidditch field at noon."

Nowaki lifted his cobalt eyes and scanned the faces in the room, determination written in his eyes, but he knew that they needed to be smart about this arrangement.

"For starters, I don't think the Hufflepuffs should go."

Three pairs of badger eyes immediately went wide.  
>"B-But," Ayase stuttered. "Nowaki-san, we can't ask you guys to go alone—"<p>

"Believe me, it will be safer for everyone Ayase-kun." Nowaki replied.

"I thought of that too," Tsumori added. "Because if the three of you are there, the Slytherins are more likely to overreact to our negotiations and become violent. If you're not with us, there will be less of a chance."

Ayase still looked worried, but he nodded.

"Secondly," Nowaki continued. "I don't think all of us should go. If we threaten them with numbers it will just provoke them."

"Not to mention drop us down to their level." Yukina added, adjusting a much more awake Kisa on his lap. "Who should we send?"

"It needs to be somebody strong." Ayase cut in meekly, staring at his folded hands on his lap.

"Well I'm going no matter what."

All eyes turned to Tsuzuki, whose unnatural purple eyes were hard and stern. Even the Gryffindors were slightly taken aback at the facial expression of the normally cuddly teddy bear. But they saw indignation and fiery justice in the man's eyes, and they found themselves nodding.

"If we're going to send Tsuzuki, who's our brawn, then we should probably send someone who's a good diplomat." Tsumori spoke.

"Well, that's obvious," A low voice growled from the back of the room. Nowaki looked in shock at Hiroki who was staring at him with unwavering (if slightly sleepy) eyes. "If you're going to send any moron, send Nowaki."

"Hiro-san," Nowaki murmured.

"I second that." Yukina nodded approvingly.

"I think so too," A small voice murmured. Nowaki looked up and saw Misaki give him the smallest of smiles that left the giant very touched.

"But that's only two on three," Onodera said worriedly.

"Not to mention Kanou is almost big enough for two people," Ayase muttered.

"Do they teach you how to count in Hufflepuff?" Hiroki snarled, making both of the badgers jump. "It's three against three." He spat out, going to stand next to Nowaki, who looked shocked.

"But, Hiro-san."

"Can it moron, Akihiko and his fucktards brought it on themselves when they attacked Ravenclaw. If they try anything Ima pound that gray-haired idiot to Friday and back."

Nowaki's stunned expression quickly turned into a proud smile.

"Three then." Nowaki said.  
>"Four."<p>

The egoists turned in surprise to see the small, blond Hisoka standing equally with the towering Tsuzuki.

Hiroki raised an eyebrow and Nowaki hesitantly said,

"Are you sure?"

Tsuzuki was the one who replied.

"Soka and I were partners long before we started dating. We're a team and we don't go into the field alone. And I know you don't either Nowaki-kun."

The raven-haired man smiled approvingly.

"Alright, four on three then."

"Well," Tsuzuki replied. "Maybe technically three and a half. Hisoka's kinda short—OW! God Hisoka that fucking hurt!"

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><p>Next chapter: World War III<p>

Stay tuned ;D

and thank you all again for your reviews! They really help! ^_^


	17. Chapter 17

I'm just gonna put all my stuff at the end and let you guys read. Lol.

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><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen: World War III<strong>

At noon that day, the two Gryffindors and their Ravenclaw companions began walking to the Quidditch field. None of them talked while they stepped continuously onward, but they did cast several glances at Hiroki who looked like he was strutting off to massacre a village then dance around the corpses. Even Nowaki noticed that his fiery partner's body language was vicious (more so usual) and he suddenly asked,

"Are you angry… Hiro-san?"

"Oh I have gone WAAAAY past angry Nowaki. Right now I'm somewhere between screaming my lungs out or going Chuck Norris on his ass!"

Nowaki raised both eyebrows.

"But Hiro-san, why?"

Hiroki pivoted halfway on his heel, his rusty eyes shooting Nowaki with a glare bullet.

"Isn't it obvious dingbat?"

"Uh… you're mad about the Hufflepuffs being treated badly?"

"NO! I'm pissed because that bastard Akihiko and his goonies made you feel so bad last night!"

As soon at the words left his mouth, the brunette immediately flushed a fire engine red and shut his mouth, his eyes wide as one of Italy's pasta bowls.

Nowaki on the other hand, had a great big smile blooming on his face.

"Hiro-san, that's so sweet!"

"OH CAN IT YA MORON!" The brunette screamed back, stomping a few feet ahead of the raven giant. He walked beside Hisoka and instantly noticed the small blonde wincing.

The brunette immediately tried to calm himself down. He took a deep breath and cleared his mind (which was no small task), and felt relief when he noticed Hisoka relax.

"Hey…sorry," Hiroki muttered. "I know it must feel like crap to be around me. With you being an empath and all."

Hisoka turned, his bright green eyes widening in surprise.

"Um thank you," He replied quietly. Hiroki nodded and the two kept walking next to each other.

"Though," Hisoka answered. "If it helps, you're not the worst person to be around…by far."

"Really?" Hiroki raised an eyebrow.

Hisoka sighed wearily, elbowing Tsuzuki in his side.

"Between this idiot, the other Gryffindors, and your boyfriend, I have to feel nonstop adoration and love. You know how much it sucks to feel that sappy 24/7? It drives me crazy."

Tsuzuki chuckled under his breath.

"I know how you feel." Hiroki growled, shooting a glare at the practically skipping Nowaki. But when he turned his eyes back, he saw the Quidditch field looming above them like a castle.

Tsuzuki darted to the wall next to the entrance (Hiroki was shocked that a man that size could move so quickly), and motioned for the others to follow.

When they were lined up against the wall, the four of them peeked around the corner immediately located the three tall Slytherins standing picturesquely in the center of the field (hey if you negotiating, why not look good doing it?).

"What do you sense Soka?" Tsuzuki murmured, his purple eyes shifting from face to face.

Hisoka stared intently at them for a few moments, then said.

"They're angry, but it's not intense as it was in Ravenclaw. One of them is even feeling remorse for his actions."

"Huh?" Hiroki barked. "Which one?"

Hisoka pointed to the seme in the middle, who incidentally was Usagi. Hiroki smirked.

"What about the other two?" Nowaki asked.

"That one, the really big one, is still angry, but he's actually worried and irritated about his Hufflepuff. He seems incredibly overprotective."

"Big surprise…" Hiroki muttered.

"And the third, Onodera's boyfriend….is just plain pissed."

"Comforting thought." Tsuzuki replied.

"Alright," Nowaki said, stepping from the wall into the tunneled entrance. Hiroki and the other pair quickly followed.

"Let's resolve this."

"HEY! AKIHIKO YOU SON A BASTARD HORCRUX!"

Akihiko looked up from lighting a cigarette as he heard a familiarly angry voice yell at him from across the field.

"Who is that?" Kanou asked, wincing at the level of the noise.

"The loudest and angstiest uke in Hogwarts." He replied.

"Well, what's he doing here?" Takano muttered.

"I don't know, but he's come with quite the entourage."

The three semes stood a little straighter as Hiroki and the others approached them. But at the clear absence of three certain Hufflepuffs, their faces darkened.

"What's up old boy?" Akihiko said dryly as the Ravenclaw brunette stormed up to him.

"Don't 'old boy' me moron. You've got some explaining to do! What's this I hear about you barging into my bloody common room and acting like a shithead!"

"Hiro-san," Nowaki hissed into his boyfriend's ear. "We need to be smart about this."

Hisoka snorted, folding his arms across his chest as he watched the Slytherins carefully, looking for spikes in their emotional levels.

"Well," Akihiko replied. "Seeing as how you're so informed Hiroki, why don't you tell us why two Gryffindors and two Ravenclaws are here, but no Hufflepuffs."

Nowaki put his hand on Hiroki's shoulder and stepped forward.

"We will be representing them and conveying their words."

"What the fuck?" Kanou snarled. "Why the hell didn't they come themselves?"

Nowaki tried hard to put a lid on his rising temper.

"We thought it would be in their best interest."

Takano growled under his breath, snarling the words "Onodera" and "half-assed" several dozen times.

Kanou still looked increasingly like an angry bear, but Akihiko calmly replied,

"And what did they want to say?"

Nowaki's face stayed calm while he spoke, but he felt embers being kindled in his chest.

"They want to say that they will still accept your apology, should you choose to give one. And they want things to end peacefully."

"That's it?" Kanou roared.

"Yes." Nowaki replied tersely.

"Son of a shit…" Takano growled.

"And should we choose to do so, when can we meet them?"

Takano and Kanou looked at Usagi like he'd just jumped off the deep end.

"WHAT? Who the hell said we were apologizing!" Kanou barked.

"We didn't do anything wrong." Takano spat.

Akihiko eyes stared dryly at his housemates.

"Maybe you didn't, but I did."

Kanou and Takano exchanged glances. Looks like the king of Slytherin had just fallen off his rocker…

Akihiko looked at Nowaki, meeting the Gryffindor's eyes.

"Tell Misaki I want to see him. And that I'm sorry."

"I will." Nowaki replied.

"Hold on!" Takano yelled. "This meeting isn't over yet!"

"You're damn right it isn't." Tsuzuki roared back with equal fury.

"That's right." Nowaki said sternly. "We told you what Hufflepuff had to say, but now we wanna give you a few words from Gryffindor."

"Oh," Kanou mocked, stepping forward. "Is that right?"

"You're damn right it is," Tsuzuki replied, also approaching.

The two men stood eye to eye with leveled fury, but a flicker of surprise crossed Kanou's eyes as he sized Tsuzuki up. The purple-eyed brunette not only stood head to head with him, but nearly shoulder to shoulder as well.

"Now, on behalf of Gryffindor," Tsuzuki spat. "We'd like to tell you that we don't appreciate how you treat your boyfriends and if you don't cut it the hell out, you'll be hearing from all of us!"

"What the fuck did you just say?" Kanou yelled, while Takano's face grew darker. (Akihiko, his business completed, just stood there and watched with interest while he smoked).

"We're SAYING that people are not toys you can break and leave lying in the corner of a room!" Tsuzuki yelled. "And if I ever see you treat anyone like that again I'll tear you limb from limb!"

"Tsu…" Hisoka hissed warningly as he felt his seme's emotions start to whirl like mad.

"I'd like to see you try!" Kanou screamed.

"Everyone stop! This isn't what we should be doing!" Nowaki yelled.

"Bring in on!" Tsuzuki barked. "If no one else will defend Hufflepuff against your evil, then I will!"

"FUCKER!" Kanou raged, his giant legs pounding forward. Tsuzuki stood completely still, but Hisoka's face drained of color as he saw Tsuzuki raise two fingers on his right hand.

"I bow to thee and beseech thee, the twelve gods that protect me—"

"TSUZUKI NO!" Hisoka skrieked. "YOU CAN'T SUMMON A SHIKI HERE! IT COULD DESTROY THE WHOLE SCHOOL!"

"Be born of fire, come out! SUZAKU!"

Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin alike watched in awe and fear as a giant flash of fire burst out of thin air. The phoenix spread it's blazing wings and cast a wailing shriek, placing itself high above Tsuzuki.  
>"SUZAKU—" Tsuzki commanded.<br>"NO YOU IDIOT! DON'T!" Hisoka yelled.

"EXPLODE!"

"HIRO-SAN!"

"BLOODY FUCKING HELL!"

* * *

><p>"Ow! Hisoka stop it!" Tsuzuki whimpered as his uke dished out one of many punishments he'd received that day. On a single positive note, the empath hadn't felt ill or faint all day because he was too full of his own rage to channel other people's emotions. Tsuzuki sat on a bench outside the infirmary and Hisoka stood in front of him, promptly screaming his head off.<p>

"No! I'm not gonna stop!" Hisoka yelled. "YOU. BURNED. DOWN. THE. QUIDDITCH. FIELD!"

"I didn't mean to…"

"WELL YAAA DID!" Hisoka shot back, doing a little exploding of his own. "And that doesn't even include you and your idiocy almost killing eight people and sending four of them to the infirmary with second degree burns!"

"I said I was sorry…" Tsuzuki cried, sticking out his lower lip.

"Go tell that to the Slytherins." Hisoka snarled back.

"Where are you going Soka?" Tsuzuki whined as the blond started down the corridor outside the infirmary.

"To deliver a message."

* * *

><p>"Hey guys," Takano murmured, one of his eyes slowly opening. He glanced at his housemates who were also lying in beds next to his and were covered in crisscrossing white from almost head to toe.<p>

"Hmmm?" Kanou breathed.

"I think it's safe to say that we should classify this as the worst week ever."

"I agree." Kanou replied.

"Then it's official," grunted Akihiko. "From now on, this will be known as the worst week of our lives."

"Yeah," Takano agreed. "We got set on fire, and we haven't fucked in five days. I could just die."

"Oh can it ya morons," Hiroki barked from the chair next to Akihiko's bed.

"Hiro-san, be nice." Nowaki gently chided, standing behind him.

"No, they deserved it."

"Nobody deserves to be set on fire Hiro-san," Nowaki replied. "And we were lucky Hisoka shielded us from the blaze."

Hiroki snorted.

"Well who knew that kid's giant dumbass boyfriend was gonna conjure up a giant big bird crap thing right in the middle of the Quidditch field!"

Akihiko let out a slight moan.

"Can you turn down the volume on Hiroki, Kusama-san? I already have a hell of a headache."

Nowaki nodded.

"Maybe we should go."

Hiroki raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think it's a good idea to leave these three fucktards here by themselves."

"Then… why don't you just leave them to us?"

Hiroki turned and his eyes widened as Onodera, Ayase, and Misaki quietly walked through the infirmary doors and into the room. And needless to say, to three Slytherins who'd just had a brush with death and hadn't had proper sex in almost a week, they were no less than angels from uke heaven.

But, there was a different feeling in the air as the three Hufflepuffs silently walked over to their semes' bedsides and gave them small, compassionate smiles. It was a quiet, calm, tranquil gray fog that enveloped the room like a fleece blanket. Tiny Ayase leaned down over Kanou and two gently embraced (being careful of Kanou's burns and Ayase…well, just him being as delicate as a china doll). Onodera sat down next to Takano without a word and without a smile, but set one of his hands on the bed, which Takano musingly covered with his own.

Akihiko's lavender eyes lifted up as he saw Misaki stand over him, his green doe eyes wide but showing no emotion. The silver-haired man saw his other half so close and felt not desire, but longing fill his chest.

"Misaki…" He breathed. The Hufflepuff's eyes softened at the gentleness and remorse in the man's eyes, and quietly asked,

"Are you hurting anywhere Usagi-san?"

Akihiko smiled.

"No. Not anymore."

Misaki smiled, but his green eyes had begun to pool.

"G-Good." He sniffed. Akihiko lifted an arm and Misaki leaned down, resting his head against the broad chest and wrapping his arms around his seme.

"Misaki," Usagi breathed. "I'm so sorry."

Misaki sniffed again, hugging Akihiko tighter.

"I know…"

"I love you Misaki."

"I love you too Akihiko."

* * *

><p>After running to Gryffindor to give the Hufflepuffs news of their semes, Hisoka made his way up to Ravenclaw tower. He opened the door and was greeted by a smoky drawl of a voice.<p>

"Oy, where the hell is everybody?" Miyagi called from a disheveled pile on the couch. "I've been playing solitaire since yesterday afternoon!"

Hisoka glanced around.

"Where's Hatori?"

"He and his boyfriend are staying in Hogmeade for a few days. Left after those Slytherins stormed in."

"I see." Hisoka said, heading up the stairs.

"HEY! Where has everybody been and why the hell do you smell like a campfire?"

Hisoka glanced at him dryly.

"I suspect they are still in Gryffindor or have headed up to the infirmary."

Miyagi raised an eyebrow.

"The infirmary? Why?"

"The Quidditch field was set on fire today."

"FUCKING HELL! No way! Anybody hurt?"

"Four people."

"Who?"

"Three Slytherins…and one of our Ravenclaws."

Miyagi's eyes went wide.

"Which one?" He asked, finding himself wondering franticly if he would hear that one name—

"Shinobu."

* * *

><p>*Dodges tomatoes * Yeah, yeah, yeah! I hurt another uke I'm a terrible person blah blah blah.<p>

But if I leads to hot man sex, I'm inclined to think it's worth it.

So there.

Oh yes, on another note, unless you have watched Descendants of Darkness, you're probably wondering what the fuck happened in the field. But it's a little hard to explain, so just go on youtube and watch the first ep. But more or less, it's a phoenix. It burned big fire. Field burned down.

Oliver Wood is going to murder me for writing this. But yeah, please note the phoenix in this story is like 100x times bigger than Fawkes. Get my point? Good.

**Sesshomaru94** - touche. Usagi is a morning hater. Thanks for the review! ^^

**Puppyfacetwo **and** Laura**-Is this how you'd imagined things to turn out? ;D huggles!

**The briber/ Egoistfangirl**- I want an Egoist flag... we should get one. And jersey shore Hiroki LOL. I swear that man is not Japanese because only jersey people yell that much.

**X**- lol team Egoist. God we should just all form a religion around them. I'd go to church for that ;D

**Iggy Valentine**- I am happy to have killed you from awesome. ^^ DAAWW! That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me! *blushes * Thank you so much!

**Booboobitxch66**- Yay! You're reading Always! :D and I'm happy I got you hooked on Tsuzuki and Hisoka! wah! I converted somebody!...though with my luck you'll become a Muraki fan...sigh. oh well.

I luv you all! Thank you for sticking with me! *waves Egoist flag *

**Terrorist next!** Obviously...

**TBF101**


	18. Chapter 18

Alright peeps, I have been receiving such significant bribes these past few days that my writing motivation has gone way up. in addition, Egoistfangirl made me so happy (among other emotions...cough) last night with a zip file of a romantica chapter I had not read that I went and took twenty minutes to draw an Egoist flag.

So here's the deviant link. Thank/blame her :)

Tee hee, and my two pet rats Hiroki and Nowaki (who act so much like the people they're named after it's scary) gave their blessing to the drawing so I am rather proud of it.

Enjoy the pic and the chapter. More terrorist next!

**TBF101**

linksy

theblackflamingo101dot deviantartdot com/#/d4eem1z

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eighteen: Silence of the Semes<strong>

If Hiroki and the others had thought (which they did) that the fact that the Slytherins had been severely injured would turn the badgers soft and completely forget the notion that they should stand up for themselves more, they were wrong.

"OWW! FUCK ONODERA!"

"Oh shut it," The Hufflepuff spat back at the Slytherin as he changed the dressing on Takano's left arm. "It won't hurt for much longer you dolt."

"Goddamned fuck," Takano winced. "Can't they shoot me up with anything for pain?"

"No. You can't dull the pain of burns. Actually in some cases, pain meds will actually make your condition worse."

"Fuckety fuck fuck," Takano moaned, sinking back onto his pillow. He dryly watched the sullen uke change all of his bandages, but raised a dark eyebrow as he thought of something.

"How's your concussion?" He asked, his eyes staring intently as Onodera looked up.

"It's fine," The uke muttered, reaching for the roll of medical tape. "It was minor…no thanks to you."

Takano sighed.

"Alright fine. I'm sorry I gave you a concussion, but I really thought you were just blowing it out your ass."

Onodera bristled.

"Why the shit would I joke about something like that?"

Takano glowered.

"Well you LIE to me about everything else so why should that be any different?"

Onodera clenched his teeth and chucked the roll of gauze at the Slytherin.

"Finish yourself Takano." He spat, standing up in a fury and turning to leave. But he was forced to stop as a strong hand caught his wrist.

"Ritsu…"

Onodera tightly shut his eyes, pressing his lips together so they wouldn't quiver.

"Ritsu, I love you."

Takano stared intently at Onodera's turned back, giving the uke's wrist a squeeze as he felt it slightly quiver.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the brunette turned around, his verdant eyes glued to the floor. Takano's eyes softened as he saw the furious blush coating Onodera's cheeks, and he gave the arm another tug.

"Ritsu please, sit back down."

The uke further lowered his head, but complied, flopping down onto his chair and shakily returning to bandage the Slytherin.

"T-Tak…kano…I-…I-…"

Takano smiled.

"I know."

After Onodera finished bandaging the Slytherin, Takano caught one of his slender hands and weaved his fingers through it, settling contently against his pillow.

And Onodera didn't pull away.

Meanwhile, in the bed at the far end of the row, Usagi waited silently as Misaki unpacked food he had brought from the Hufflepuff kitchen. Akihiko glanced dryly at the bed next to his, raising a silver eyebrow at Kanou's bed, where the giant gorilla and Ayase (perched atop the broad chest) were both peacefully napping. Akihiko snorted.

Those two sure made up fast.

Earlier that day, after being told that Kanou would heal and make a fully recovery back to his ole terrible self, the five foot uke had proceeded to lay into the man, yelling and lecturing the seme to a degree that had everyone in the infirmary scared shitless. (Not to mention the fact that Ayase's voice dropped an octave while he was yelling. Hiroki had never seen Nowaki's eyes go so wide.) After nearly a thirty-minute non-stop scream fest, Ayase had demanded that all of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor assemble and made Kanou formally apologize to everyone he had hurt or intimidated (Except Tsuzuki. As far as Ayase and Hisoka were concerned, the two were even).

Needless to say, the uke's death tone and the shock and awe look on Kanou's face gave all four houses a new respect for the tiny, soft spoken blond. And once all had been screamed, forgiven, and resolved, Ayase and Kanou curled up together and fell asleep.

"Do you want an apple, Usagi-san?"

Akihiko pivoted his attention back to Misaki as the brunette spoke.

"No."

"Too bad. I'm already peeling one." The brunette retorted, his knife making a long, repetitive circle around the red peel of the fruit. Akihiko rolled his eyes and glanced at the large bento box Misaki had brought him. The seme smiled to himself as he noticed some of his favorite foods, but with large chunks of green peppers placed noticeably on top. Even still, the Slytherin felt incredibly pampered.

"Misaki, I love you," Usagi purred.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Misaki muttered, beginning to slice the freshly peeled apple.

"I mean it," Akihiko replied. "And when Daddy gets better, he's gonna take care of you—mmmphh." The Slytherin's mantra was cut short when Misaki dryly shoved an apple slice into the seme's flapping mouth, rolling his emerald eyes with gusto.

"Cut the 'daddy' crap Usagi, if I was your kid I'd put myself up for adoption. Plus it's gross."

Akihiko raised an eyebrow, stunned but amused. He quickly chewed the slice of fruit so he could reply, but Misaki spoke first.

"And I want you to stop calling me 'Misaki badger' too. I don't like it."

Usagi swallowed and briskly replied,

"How 'bout just on Fridays and bank holidays?"

"No."

"How 'bout just on Christmas?… And Veteran's day?"

Misaki sighed.

"Fine."

Akihiko smiled contently, taking the bowl of rice Misaki handed him. He reached a bandaged hand up and brushed his fingers along Misaki's cheek, making the uke freeze and turn back to him.

"I mean it Mi-kun, when I get better, I'm gonna take care of you. But this time, it's gonna be all about you."

The brunette stared in shock and flushed a light pink at the seme's words, but a tiny smile eventually crept over his face.

"Okay Usagi-san…"

Akihiko smiled and beckoned the uke to sit on the side of the bed. Misaki complied, even leaning down to meet the Slytherin's lip as Usagi reached up and kissed him.

The standoffish Hiroki snorted as he watched the displays of the Slytherpuffs, thanking the world that he didn't have to worry about Nowaki creating that kind of moronic drama.

But then again, he sorta made up for it with sappiness.

The fiery brunette sighed, resting his chin wearily on his elbow as he peered at the sleeping Shinobu.

The Ravenclaws had been taking turns since early afternoons watching Shinobu, and Hiroki had just relieved Kisa an hour ago. The blonde's housemates (even the bad tempered ones) had all taken care to be attentive and caring ever since Hisoka had told them that Shinobu's emotional state was terrible. Whenever they would switch shifts, stone gray eyes would flicker open, but slowly close again after a few short seconds before he went back to sleep. The boy hadn't taken any food or water that day, which worried both the Ravenclaws and the nurse. Even though he didn't have nearly the amount of burns the Slytherins had, the injury to the honey blonde's left leg had by far been the most severe, and it would most likely be weeks before he would walk again.

Hiroki stared dryly at Shinobu's sleeping form, letting out a slight sigh. Nowaki (naturally) was with him, and gazed at the injured Ravenclaw sadly, tenderly brushing damp blonde bangs away from Shinobu's forehead. The kind giant didn't have a clue as to why the teen wouldn't eat, but it pained to think about why. Was Shinobu in so much pain that he didn't want to live?

The thought sent a crack coursing through Nowaki's heart, and his other hand reached over and placed itself on Hiroki's thigh. The brunette exhaled dryly, but covered the warm hand with his own.

"Hiro-san," Nowaki murmured. "I'm so worried about him."

"I know Nowaki, but there's nothing we can do."

"Hah. The brat sure did a number on himself this time."

The couple's head darted up as they heard a nonchalant voice comment on the teen's condition like it was the weather. Nowaki narrowed his eyes as Miyagi stepped over to Shinobu's bedside, but held his tongue, knowing full well that Hiroki would chew the man out for him.

"What the crap are you doing here moron?" Hiroki snapped. Miyagi rolled his eyes.

"It's my turn to relieve you."

The brunette raised an eyebrow, still fuming.

"Can't you tell time? I just got here an hour ago."

"I realize that." Miyagi commented, setting down a bag of books. "But I'm going to be filling in for the night so I thought I'd come early."

"Huh?"

Miyagi nodded.

"So why don't you and the jolly green giant get going? The Slytherins create enough PDAs without you two adding to it."

"What'd you say fucker?"

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki hissed, his hand clamping over the smaller man's shoulder. "Shh!"

The raven hair glanced suspiciously at Miyagi, but sighed and got up.

"Why don't we go get something to eat Hiro-san and let him take over?"

Hiroki rolled his eyes.

"Fine. What do I care?" He snorted, standing up and walking towards the door. Nowaki nodded once at Miyagi and hurried after him.

Once the egoists were gone, the Ravenclaw claimed Nowaki's chair and sat back, his eyes studying Shinobu's sleeping face.

Miyagi sighed, chewing on the end of a lit cigarette.

"What'd you do to yourself now, kid?" He mused, reaching down into his bag to find a book.

"…Miyagi…"

The tall man stopped as he heard the faintest whisper drift into his ear. He glanced back up, almost expecting to see gray eyes glaring at him.

But Shinobu was still asleep.

But as the man watched, once again, pale lips briefly parted and a single word was breathed out.

"Miyagi…"

The older man's face didn't change, but instead of grabbing a book, he reached a hand down and rested it on the teen's forehead, stroking the golden locks as the wheels in his head turned.

* * *

><p>Ya know, I always knew Ayase had it in him. XDD<p>

**Booboobitxch666**- Yay! Glad your reading Always and that you liked the showdown XD don't worry, fluff and lemons are a coming...round the mountain when they come... *starts singing *

**Puppfacetwo**- yes, Tsuzuki is dumb enough. And yes, that is why we love him :D tee hee thanks for the review! ^^

**X**- I could never hurt the Egoists. I don't know why but I hate creating drama with that couple because I know how miserable they are apart *tear *

enjoy waving that flag XD loved your review.

**KitElizaKing**- BWAHAAH! I know what you meant but still! LOL. And believe me, I just love flashy ;D thanks for the review!

**Laura**- aww thank you! and i write fast because i have no life. LOL. Ya'll should be grateful for that XD thankies!

**Cerberus**- OMFG YOU'RE BACK! * STARTS SOBBING AND HUGGING FRANTICLY * BWAAAHHHH! I MISSSED YOU SO MUCH! WAAAAHHHH!

but you know, I kinda do wanna write an uke lovin party. that sounded hilarious ^^ and thank you for your praise *blushes * I am honored.

**Seshomaru94**- LOL! glad you liked it! thank you so much! ^^

(so many reviews...I'm getting lost in here. Lolololol.)

**XMoymoy**- glad I wrote Shinobu in a way that was pleasing ^^ he's such a complex character that it's both fun and hard to write him. Glad you liked the pic and I hope you like the terror ahead! Thanks for reading!

**Strawhat Monkey. D Luffy**- Omigosh I totally loved the fat review and the teddy bear! ^^ thank you so much for joining the fray! (and I fucking love One Piece! :D)

**Egoistfangirl**- if you seriously make a shirt, i want one. (and i could send an actual high quality scan of it instead of my crappy camera phone ;D ) thanks for the review and the numerous bribes. I'm off to read new Kirishima/ yokozawa summaries *starry eyes * badass daddy! squee!

**Silver **- lol, sometimes I feel bad that I have no girls, but then I write a lemon and I feel better XD. I'm so glad you like the AU and you're review really made my day! thank you so much!

**And thanks to everyone who subscribes and favs too! :D WUV YOU ALL FOREVER! WOOT!**

**Flamingo**


	19. Chapter 19

Yo yo yo! Nice to see you all ^^

Here I am in boring American History class editing and posting in between typing notes about Nazi camps. Charming huh?

Tee hee. A big thank you to everyone who read and reviews! And I published a new lemon yesterday so be sure to check "The Foursome" out ;D (and those of you who did, thank you for the kind reviews! I got a shrine and one reader proposed! *uke blush and giggles *) tank you :3

But since I'm class I can't post review replies. bleh. Next time I promise! Huggles!

**TBF101**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nineteen: Mother Teresa<strong>

Groggy, sleep drunk gray eyes suddenly opened and blinked at a shaft of morning light that fell lazily through the glass window at the end of the room. Shinobu sipped in a lungful of air and exhaled, his head feeling like someone shoved a bowling ball in his ear. He carefully shifted himself to sit up, trying to maneuver his heavy head and his tightly bandaged body. But a short whimper came out of his mouth when aching pain shot from his toes to his hip. He sank back down, taking a shallow breath and closing his eyes.

"You might not wanna try that for awhile, kid."

Stone gray eyes flew open again as the teen heard a voice he hoped he recognized. And sure enough, a tall, dark-haired man with a cigarette and a crapload of nonchalance sat next to the boy's bed thumbing through a thick book.

At that point, all Shinobu could think was: if this is a dream, I am going to be soooo pissed.

"Mi—Miyagi?" He creaked out, his throat swollen and dry.

The man raised an eyebrow.

"No, it's Mother friggin' Teresa."

Miyagi set the book aside and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"How do you feel?"

Shinobu blinked a couple times, still stupefied at the man's presence.

"…fine."

Miyagi raised an eyebrow.

"You have second degree burns on your leg and you're… 'fine?'"

The blond stopped to think for a second.

"Come on punk," Miyagi sighed. "Tell me how you really feel."

Shinobu looked up and stared at the dark haired man with all seriousness.

"I feel terrible. My leg aches and chest is tight and my head feels like it has a whole basketball team dribbling inside it and my nose is stuffy and my eyes itch and my throat hurts and I can't move anything and I think I'm about to puke just from the pain!"

Miyagi blinked a couple times. Jesus the brat was specific.

Shinobu turned and rested his cheek on the pillow, the stressful weight on his chest growing. Normally complaining was fun, but it didn't help in this case at all. He felt so awful that liquid even started to pool in the lower lids of his eyes. Seeing how panicked and distraught the boy was about his physical (not to mention mental) condition, Miyagi quickly lifted a palm.

"Shhh, calm down. It's gonna be alright." He said reassuringly. "Now, they can't give you anything for the pain, but if you eat something they can give you nausea meds. Think you could do that?"

"I don't know," Shinobu half-sobbed out. "I've never been in the hospital before…"

"Look, I'm gonna go run down to the kitchen and grab you something and—"

"Don't leave me!" The blond shrieked, several tears spilling out of his eyes. A small, pale hand whipped from underneath the covers and grabbed Miyagi's wrist. And despite the vastness of his injuries, the grip was rather strong.

Miyagi leaned back in the chair, patting the tautly stretched hand with his other set of fingers.

"Okay, okay, I'll stay here. But you really need to eat something."

"Umm…excuse us sir."

The older Ravenclaw glanced at the foot of the bed, where two short, doe-eyed boys that looked about Shinobu's age stood. Miyagi recognized them as the ones who'd been at the sides of the horrid Slytherins all day and night. They must've been the ones who'd caused this whole uproar.

"Yes?" Miyagi asked. Shinobu let out a weak sob and Miyagi placed his large hand on the boy's forehead, which seemed to help calm him down.

"Ummm…." The brunette one murmured, half-smiling. "We couldn't help but overhear what you said and… well, we made food earlier this morning but it turns out we brought way too much. You're welcome to it if you like."

"Uh…thank you." Miyagi replied. The blond, blue-eyed one smiled amiably.

"We have bento and soup, and if you get hungry sir, there are muffins too."

Miyagi raised both eyebrows. Goddamn, these two were like little Martha Stewarts….

"Uh…soup would be great." He said, giving Shinobu's golden hair a soft pat. Misaki and Ayase looked at Shinobu with pity and compassion.

"We hope you feel better soon," Misaki said, giving Shinobu a sincere smile. "If we can do anything let us know."

"Mi-kuunnnnnn…." An drawling growl came from the other side of the infirmary. Misaki bowed once to Miyagi and scampered back to his whinny rabbit while Ayase went and fetched a bowl of soup. The raven-haired Ravenclaw accepted the bowl gratefully, then set it beside the bed as he grabbed a spare pillow to prop Shinobu up.

"Alright brat, open wide." He said, holding a spoonful of hot soup close to Shinobu's mouth. Since one of the boy's hands was tightly bandaged, he wouldn't be able to feed himself.

The blond wrinkled his nose at the smell, his stomach lurching.

"I can't…"

"You'll feel better if you get something down. You haven't eaten since yesterday."

But Shinobu just tightly shut his eyes and turned away. Miyagi growled. Brats and their stubbornness…

"Come on kid…" Miyagi growled. Shinobu didn't respond, but pressed his lips together to stop them from quivering.

"Hey, maybe you should try kissing him." A voice called from across the room.

"Takano-san!"

"What? It's true."

Miyagi glanced at the first bed on the other side of the room, where a dark haired Slytherin with reading glasses sat smugly with a blushing brunette.

Miyagi blinked a couple times, hoping he had heard wrong.

"What?" He spat.

Takano smiled.

"I'm not full of shit. Kissing releases endorphins in the brain, which acts as a natural painkiller. Heck when I kiss this guy, he'll do whatever the fuck I want—UMPH!"

Takano shoved the pillow away, glaring at the brunette.

"Onodera! Are you trying to smother me?"

"Yes!" The uke growled, standing up and walking out of the infirmary in a huff.

Takano rolled his eyes.

"Looks like it's his time of the month again…"

Miyagi's eyes also rolled up to the ceiling. It seemed he was in the psycho ward of the infirmary…

"Shinobu," He chided, stirring the soup.

The boy closed his eyes, his brow creasing upward.

"I—I want to Miyagi…but I…I just can't—UMPH!"

The blonde's eyes flew open and nearly exploded out of his head as Miyagi pressed his lips to the boy's small mouth. Shinobu's already limp body fell back into his pillow, completely stunned as Miyagi broke the kiss with a light pop.

"Open up,' Miyagi repeated, holding the spoon against Shinobu's parted lips. The blonde wordlessly complied allowing Miyagi to feed him half of the bowl of soup.

The bit of food did wonders to relieve some of Shinobu's pains. His throat felt clearer, his headache eased up, and even his burns didn't ache as much. The nurses also gave him nausea meds, all the while slipping a xanax in with the pills. It was clear Shinobu was scared and stressed, and if that continued he could climax to a panic attack. Plus since the sharp pains of his burns couldn't be soothed, something to calm the teen's mind was their best option.

About a half hour later, Shinobu was peacefully settled in his bed, his drowsy eyes glancing around the room.

Takano sat irritably for an entire hour before PMS Onodera trudged back into the room, but in a surprising twist, Yokozawa and another tall handsome man accompanied him.

"Oy Takano ya moron," Yokozawa growled playfully. "Can't you go a week without doing anything to your sorry ass?"

Takano snorted.

"This time it actually wasn't self-inflicted. Hey who's this guy?"

"New recruit. Just moved into Slytherin. But being injured morons, you missed the welcoming party."

The man next to him grinned and offered Takano a hand.

"Kirishima Zen. My pleasure."

Takano nodded, giving him a slight smile.

"Don't worry, when the three of us are out of this craphole, we'll have a real induction for you."

"Think nothing of it." Kirishima laughed. "This guy here has already given me quite the welcome."

Yokozawa's dark eyes went wide and he turned sharply, opening his mouth to yell. But Kirishima unexpectantly grabbed his tie, silencing the startled Slytherin.

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go pillage a village." He grinned and tugged the tie. "Come on village."

"WHAT?" Yokozawa snarled, jerking his tie back.

Takano chuckled.

"Don't be too hard on him."

"Of course not." Kirishima laughed. "Come on Yoko. I wanna see the charred remains of the Quidditch field."

Takano and Onodera watched the pair go, and exchanged a knowing glance.

Those two would be fucking by the end of the month.

If they weren't already.

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><p>Oh Kirishima...you sexy single daddy you...<p>

**Keep dropping reviews so I can keep writing! Wuv yoose! X3**


	20. Chapter 20

Well, I've been in a bit of a rut lately so Don't Preach had to give me a significant kick in the pants to get me to finish this, but it got finished nonetheless.

Lol sorry, I've been more into my "Always" fic lately (cough four chapters in two days cough) so this one got kinda neglected but I'll keep trying to write both equally.

But that may not happen lol. I just got the funniest idea for a little egoist fic.

I tend to get distracted by things... ooo look the Goodyear blimp!

**The BL Flamingo**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty: Wax on, Wax off<strong>

Miyagi paced irritably around the infirmary, chewing on the end of a spent sucker and growling to himself. He glanced over to Shinobu's bed, where the blonde was napping peacefully (having had another xanax with his dinner).

Hiroki, who'd just left, had promptly informed the dark-haired Ravenclaw that he would be responsible for caring for Shinobu for the foreseeable future. And he provided legitimate excuses why everyone else couldn't help. Hiroki and Kisa had major papers coming up for their independent study reviews. Hatori and Chiaki were still AWOL in Hogsmeade and no one had been able to make contact to tell them that the drama llamas were kaput.

"Well what about Hisoka?" Miyagi had asked, starting to panic.

And Hiroki had explained that Hisoka had been forbidden to go near the infirmary (by both the eagles AND the lions) because apparently he was impossible (well MORE impossible) to deal with after he'd been around the depressed and emotionally fragile.

So Miyagi was their last option.

Which left him pissed beyond belief.

The man paced back to the window, still fuming like a bear that'd been woken up in the middle of hibernation. And it didn't help that smoking wasn't allowed in the fucking infirmary and the Slytherins refused to share their fucking nicotine patches. Takano had even stuck one on his forehead just to see the look on Miyagi's face.

The three stooges on the other wall watched the pacing Ravenclaw like a sitcom, with wide smiles plastered on their faces. Since their three ukes had all had to go back to their common rooms to study (QUIETLY and without interruption or pawing), the semes had found someone else to entertain them.

And they were enjoying it immensely.

"So, looks like you're gonna be stuck here for quite a while eh?" Kanou piped up, try not to laugh under his breath.

"No shit Sherlock." Miyagi muttered back.

"Don't look so happy 'bout it chief," Takano grinned. "After all, the infirm is a great place for bonding."

"That's right Mr. Miyagi," Akihiko added, sticking another smoke patch on his arm. "Wax on, wax off."

Almost at the height of his temper, Miyagi spun around and regarded the three amused Slytherins with disdain.

"First of all, you've got the wrong fucking Miyagi, and that stupid kid's name isn't Daniel, so unless you three fucktards wanna drag your crispy fried asses outside and wax my car, there will be absolutely no mentorship-crap-bonding that involves me. And second of all, this infirmary locks from the inside, so unless you want me to put the stops on your badger time, I suggest you shut your Slytherin pieholes!"

Takano tightened his lips sullenly, sinking back into his bed.

"No need to yell, Moby DICK."

"Christ, I would think you'd be happy getting a monopoly on that kid." Akihiko retorted, raising an eyebrow.

Miyagi gapped.

"Why the hell would I be happy about it?"

The three semes exchanged glances.

"Uhhhh," Takano answered. "Because he's your uke?"

Miyagi's mouth dropped lower. The Slytherins exchanged a second glance.

"What, you two aren't fucking—er dating?" Kanou asked in disbelief.

Miyagi irritably ran his fingers through his hair.

"Please explain to me why I would ever want to fuck or DATE a kid who stalks me day and night, sneaks into my room and take my things, and constantly barks like a Chihuahua about 'destiny' in a little squeaky-ass voice!"

Third glance.

"Hot damn," Akihiko snorted. "That kid worships the fucking ground you walk on. How can you not be into that?"

Miyagi exhaled deeply.

"Pardon me if I completely shatter your sheltered perception of the world, but not everyone is just looking for a cute boy to fuck. I have better things to do."

Fourth glance.

"GOD!" Takano practically yelled. "WHAT THE FUCKING BLAZES IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Miyagi had had enough.

"Look, I don't need to have my life evaluated by three guys who went nuts just because they had to be celibate for a couple of days. I don't like the kid and I never will. End of story!"

The tall Ravenclaw began to head towards the infirmary entrance.

"OY! Hold on!" Takano yelled.

"What?" Miyagi snapped.

"Hey," Takano barked back with all seriousness. "I may not know exactly why you're shunning that kid, but let me tell you this: I would give an arm to have my uke look at me like he looks at you. That kid is head over heels for your ass and you're not going to change that. And you know, that kid will turn out even more fragile if you don't set your intentions straight. If you're not gonna ever love him back, then stop coming by. Better to cut him off completely then heighten his hopes and break 'em."

The other two Slytherins nodded. Miyagi stared eye-to-eye with Takano before turning back in the direction of the door.

"Where you going?" Akihiko asked.

"I need a smoke." Miyagi replied.

"Hey, hold up." The silver-haired Slytherin replied. Miyagi turned around and caught a small box Akihiko threw. Miyagi turned it over and saw that it was a box of heavy-duty nic patches.

"A gift from Buddha." Usagi smiled. "It's probably not a good idea to leave the kid while he's sleeping anyway."

"Plus….we just don't want you to leave." Kanou added. Miyagi's eyebrows shot up.

"Why?"

"Are you kidding?" Akihiko snorted. "If word got out to Hufflepuff that "in denial semes" actually exist, we'll never hear the end of it."

Miyagi blinked couple times.

"You guys do know that you're all a bunching of fucking retards right?"

Takano chuckled, crossing his arms behind his head.

"That's a matter of opinion." The dark-haired man said right before letting out a huge yawn. "Well gentlemen," Akihiko muttered. "Why don't we all take a nap and let Macbeth finish his suicide soliloquy."

"That's Hamlet," Takano muttered, flipping over onto his stomach to sleep. "I think…"

"I don't care." Usagi replied.

Miyagi shook his head in disbelief.

"Does anyone in your house even read?"

"Don't need to," Usagi mumbled, halfway into slumberland. "We're already good at everything worthwhile. Wax on, wax off."

The three semes dozed off as a group, leaving Miyagi alone in the quietness of the setting sun that burned a fiery orange in the distance.

The dark-haired Ravenclaw (after applying almost half the box of nicotine patches), paced back over to Shinobu's bed, eyeing the sleeping blonde with an undistinguishable look.

After a couple of undisturbed minutes, he reached a large hand down and rested it against Shinobu's forehead, his hard eyes not softening in the least.

"…Miyagi…" The blonde breathed in his sleep. The tall man exhaled out his nose.

Shinobu hummed peacefully and turned his head, shifting the large hand down to the side of his face. The honey blonde rested his cheek against the rough palm, and smiled.

"…Miyagi…I love you…"

The tall man gently withdrew his hand and sat back down, his sharp eyes still focused on the sleeping teen.

"…Shinobu…" He said quietly as a heavy weight settled on his mind.

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><p><strong>Replies next time! Thank you all for letting me know what you like! Please keep reviewing!<strong>

** :) Huggles!**


	21. Chapter 21

Well, woke up with a migraine and sickies today, but my own Hiro-san (my college roommate) came over to take care of me so I was loved.

And I managed to half ass a chapter out. I think I deserve a medal for that. Lol.

Anyway, you will all be ecstatic to learn that after this chapter we will be getting into a special something I like to call Sexy Triathlon. **Meaning the next three chapters will all be lemons.**

And no, I'm not kidding. While joking about something like that would be funny, it would also be cruel. And funny.

But I am not kidding in the least. Next chapter will in fact be my first Terrorist lemon, followed by a Romantica, followed by the much anticipated Egoist lemon.

So ya might wanna drop extra special reviews to get me in the mood to update faster ;D

though all of you are already so good at that. I truly appreciated it ^^

Squee,

**The Boy's Love Flamingo**

P.s. OMG I was at Target today and I saw the FUCKING COOLEST SHIT EVER! 8D It was a giant sparkly christmas flamingo in the yard decor section and it was GLORIOUS! Omg, if I had fifty bucks I would tap that SOOOOO FAST.

Sigh. I want more Flamigo shit. I'm gonna go shop for Flamingo earrings on Amazon...for when I actually have money...

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-One: There's No Place Like Common Room<strong>

"Mmmm….ahhh…no…aahhh…mmmm….No…No!…AH! PANDAS!"

"Oy Shinobu, wake the hell up."

The blonde's stormy grey eyes flew open as the voice penetrated his foggy unconscious mind. Morning light flooded his vision and he blinked furiously as he felt two large hands take his shoulders and gently shake. Once his eyes had adjusted, he peered up and into Miyagi's face, his mind still groggy from the long slumber.

"Miyagi…" He breathed in relief. The tall man raised an eyebrow.

"You were mumbling in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Pandas," The teen replied. "Pandas on Quidditch brooms! They were flying after me and there was a witch!"

Miyagi blinked a couple of times.

"I'm sure there was." He muttered back.

"Were you wearing red shoes and a dress and calling yourself Dorothy too?" Takano chuckled from across the room.

"Oh shut it," A low voice muttered. The dark-haired Slytherin merely smiled and snuggled closer next to Onodera, who was lying beside him in the bed. The brunette, who'd been up all night studying for the next Defense Against the Dark Arts test, had come in early this morning. And Takano (naturally) had invited the exhausted uke into the bed with him, knowing Onodera was too tired to refuse. A couple hours later, after a glorious nap, Takano was on cloud nine, while Ritsu was still tired and grouchy (so probably around cloud three or four).

Shinobu's tired eyes traveled briefly over to the couple, then back to Miyagi as the man helped him sit up.

"Miyagi," Shinobu smiled, his rain cloud eyes pooling with moisture at the sight of the man and the touch of his gentle hands.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here." The man mumbled back. "But today is going to be busy so listen up."

"Huh?" Shinobu cocked his head.

Miyagi stood up, scratching the bed of his head and glancing around the bedside.

"Look, I'm the only one who's available to brat sit you, and I have a lot of research to do for an upcoming thesis. So today we're going to move."

"Move?"

"Yep, we're going back to Ravenclaw house."

"Man that sucks!"

Miyagi narrowed his eyes at Takano, who looked visibly disappointed.

"Hear that Ritsu," Takano bent down, nibbling on Onodera's ear. "Our sitcom is leaving. Now we'll only have each other for entertainment."

Onodera growled under his breath, still half asleep, but awake enough to blush.

* * *

><p>"Welcome back Shinobu!" Kisa smiled, opening the door as Miyagi carried the bundled blonde into the common room.<p>

"Thanks," The teen replied weakly, his eyes softening as he saw the familiar setting of his home.

"Oh yeah, Miyagi," Kisa added. "I finally got a hold of Chiaki."

"Really?" The tall man asked, heading for the steps.

"Yeah, but they aren't going to be back for a couple days. Chiaki said Hatori is still really pissed about what happened, so they're gonna wait till he cools down. He was fine with us moving all his stuff though."

"Good." Miyagi replied. "Thanks."

Shinobu glanced curiously at raven-haired man.

"Why are you moving Hatori's things?"

Miyagi rolled his eyes.

"Isn't it obvious punk?" He muttered as they walked into the room Shinobu shared with Hisoka and Hatori. But the blonde's rain cloud eyes widened as he saw that the beds beside his own had been cleared.

"Where's Hisoka?" He asked bewilderedly.

"In Gryffindor with his boyfriend. When I told him you and I were moving back in he was out in twenty minutes. And I don't blame him one bit."

Shinobu's pink lips parted.

"Mi—Miyagi…you're…you're moving back in here?"

"Moved. Past tense. All my stuff is here, I just need to unpack." The man replied, cocking his head towards a pile of boxes in the corner.

"Really Miyagi?" Shinobu said, his eyes lighting up. The older man sighed at his enthusiasm.

"Yeah, well this way I can watch your burnt ass and get my work done too." He said frankly, gentling setting the blonde teen down on his own bed. Shinobu sighed as he felt the familiar comfort of his mattress underneath his body, but nothing was comparable to comfort of having such a loving person around to care for him.

"But hey, there's one thing I still wanna know." Miyagi said, sitting down on the end of the bed.

"What?" Shinobu replied cautiously.

"Why the hell were you at the Quidditch field when this whole Armageddon shit was going down?" Miyagi asked, running his long digits through his hair. He glanced at Shinobu and was a little thunderstruck when the small teen hung his head and spoke.

"I…I was practicing…" He creaked out, his cheeks flushing the color of Pepto-Bismol.

"You were what?" Miyagi asked in disbelief.

Shinobu's chin dipped lower.

"…I…I wanted to be better at Quidditch, and none of the Gryffindors were around that day, so I was flying around, them I saw a bunch of people in the center of field and as I was heading towards them, that giant phoenix came out and I got caught in the flames."

"How high up were you?" Miyagi asked, both in frustration and concern.

"About fifty-feet…I think…"

The taller man's eyes widened.

"Then why the hell aren't both your legs broken from a fall like that?"

For the first time, a small smile crept over the boy's face.

"I didn't fall."

Miyagi raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?"

"I managed to hang onto the broom and make it down to the ground. I started feeling dizzy when I made it down and I saw Kamijou-san catch me and put the flames out. Next thing I know I was in the infirmary."

Miyagi stared in complete shock at the honey blonde's narrative, both horrified at how Shinobu had gotten hurt and slightly impressed that the boy had hung onto his broom after falling into a burning ring of fire.

The raven-haired Ravenclaw sighed.

"So you've been practicing…" He murmured. Shinobu pressed his lips together self-consciously.

"…yeah…"

Miyagi hummed in reply, pulling another cigarette patch out of his pocket. But he glanced back in surprise as he heard Shinobu give a slight whimper. The man raised a black eyebrow and leaned closer to him.

"Hey, what's wrong? Does your leg hurt?"

Shinobu shook his head.

"Then what's up punk?" Miyagi asked gently, his brow creasing.

"…Miyagi…do…do you…"

"Do I what?" The older man pressed.

The blonde grabbed the pillow next to him, hugging it to his chest.

"…Do you still hate me?" He said quietly, not able to disguise the tremor in his voice.

Miyagi's dark eyes widened in confusion.

"Why would I hate you, punk?" He asked, shifting closer to the blonde as a slight wave of panic crept up his spine.

Shinobu buried his face in the pillow, his skin flushing and his mind trembling in worry.

"B—Because…that day…you…you said that I…I disgusted you…" He whispered, praying his voice wouldn't crack as his eyes flooded.

The raven-haired man felt like a giant bowling ball had just made a strike inside his head as guilt fogged over his usual apathy. He sighed as he looked at the cowering Shinobu, and felt slight horror at himself that he had had said those words to such an obviously fragile boy. Even if Shinobu talked like he was Mao Zedong, he was still just a scared (hormonal) sixteen-year-old.

"Look punk…" He said with all the softness he could muster. "Let's get one thing straight." With a large hand he carefully pulled the pillow down till the boy's tear streaked face showed. Shinobu's lip began to tremble, but he bit down on it, still trying to muster as much face as he could.

"I don't hate you Shinobu. And I apologize for making you feel that way. Please…forgive me."

More tears began to spill over Shinobu's lower lids and within a few seconds of the man's tender words, the blonde started to bawl his bloody eyeballs out with the gusto of hurricane Katrina. Miyagi sighed again as he saw the blonde weep like a little girl, but he felt something akin to a soft fabric at the transparentness of Shinobu's innocent actions. Gently taking the pillow out of the teen's pale hands, Miyagi wrapped his arms gently around Shinobu's burnt body, stroking his hair and whispering equally gentle words into his ear.

Shinobu felt the warmth of Miyagi soothe his warm hands. He cried harder at the feeling, but it was also with happiness.

There really was no place like home.

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><p>Oh yes, and I noticed a couple of people didn't get the "Wax on, wax off" joke. If you did not understand the epicness of that line, go watch the classic mentorship movie "The Karate Kid." (THE ORIGINAL ONE). You will get a new appreciation for the name Miyagi. XDDDD!<p>

**Don't Preach**- Thanks for the awesome review! (and the kick in the pants) You made me laugh so fucking hard! XD But yes, I am quite sure I'm an uke. As I am cute looking (or so I've been told) and am a measly 5 foot 2 inches, according to the height rule, the only people I could be seme too would be hobbits. Plus I'm a wimp. And you better get yourself in front of a camera because I want my flaminco dance. XD

**Puppyfacetwo**- Well I'm glad somebody got the Miyagi ref! XD I think it's hilarious how many parallels Terrorist has to that movie. LOL.

**HarunaAki-**- Thanks for the review! From one sick person to another, I feel your pain...or...whatever.

**Egoistfangirl**- I say we erect a statue to Takano. (and thank you for the fantabulous bribes).

**Silver. Knight**- Takano's vocabulary is colorful because my vocabulary is colorful. Fuck yes ;D

**Booboo person/ Jenny**- thanks for the reviews on JP and Always! :D I'm so glad you are enjoying!

**Laura**- thanks for always dropping a review! ^^ you're the best!

**X**- watch "Karate Kid" After reading the last chap, it'll probably make you laugh.

**Seshomaru94**- oh the glory and angst of seme wars XD gotta love em

**XMoymoy**- as a Terrorist expert, glad you liked the chap :D hope you like the lemon too! woot woot

**Cierrasama**- thank you so much for the reviews and the private message. awww, my ukeness is making me blush X3 SQQUUEE!

**KitElizaking**- tank you x3 i update fast because I'm OCD and have no life. that's a very deadly production combination. teehee...

**THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL THE FAVS, REVIEWS, SUBSCRIPTIONS, AND JUST PLAIN READING! *raises arms * BANZAI!**


	22. Chapter 22

_"Darla, there's a perfect logical explanation for_ [why I haven't updated for two weeks]_, which I'll make up later."- Alfalfa, The Little Rascals._

Yeah...sorry about that. Had a lot going on, plus I had lemon writer's block! :( It was horrible, but I figured out the cure!

Listen to a crap load of Elton John and Lady Gaga.

Plus lemons just take a long time to write (mainly because I get all horny and distracted and end up watching Maiden Rose...cough.)

Plus I've been rewatching Uraboku and now I have a HUGE hankering to write some Hotsuma and Shusei smuuuut ;D. Oh! or even better! A Hotsuma/ Shusei/ Kuroto threesome! XD bwahaahah! That would be awesome!

...see this is what happens when i try to write. Nothing gets done.

Anyways, I'm exhausted so I'm going to go read yaoi in the bathtub. Enjoy terrorist lemon! Romantica is next ^_^

**The Tired Flamingo 101**

Review replies next time! :) Thanks so much for everyone's support!

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Two: Brat<strong>

(4 weeks later)

"How does it feel?"

Shinobu carefully slid out of the bed, gently shifting the weight of his body onto his left leg as he stood up. He flinched automatically as a slight sensation shot up his leg, but relaxed when he felt no pain. His feet took a few cautious steps, but as he stretched his unused legs, his eyes and lips perked up.

"It feels good." He murmured. Miyagi nodded from his bed, where he sat with a leg crossed casually.

"Thank the fuckin' lord." Miyagi breathed, reaching into his pocket for another nicotine patch. While all the newly healed Slytherins had binge smoked like starving children at a Chinese buffet once they left the infirmary, Miyagi had stopped lighting up. (Mainly because the other Ravenclaws hated it. There were talks of an intervention by the sensible, and there were yells about throwing him through the window by the bad tempered. But in the end, the tall man just decided to give it up (once he'd gotten all the spare boxes of patches from the Slytherins.))

The Near Fatal Seme Holocaust (as the burning of the Quidditch field had become known) and the events that went with it had eventually dulled, and life went on as normal in the school. (With the exception of certain people (cough Slytherins assholes cough) getting what was coming to them by certain UPBU ukes.)

Miyagi had spent the last four weeks tending to a certain blonde uke himself, which was no little task (as Shinobu grew quite vocal when the burns began to itch like a bitch). But after a check up by the nurse that afternoon, the blonde had been given the go ahead to unwrap his limbs and venture out in the world (—er common room) once again. Miyagi was beside himself with relief that his role as the Ravenclaw Mother Teresa would soon be finished. But even still, the raven-haired man couldn't help but notice how detached Shinobu had seemed as of late. During the first couple weeks of his nursing, the small blonde was on him like white on rice, which wasn't unexpected considering how scared he'd been when he'd first woken up.

But within the past week or so, Shinobu had done a 180, and now he barely spoke or looked at his tall caretaker. The raven-haired nursemaid had been a tad suspicious, but like everything else in his life, he cared very little one way or the other.

Even so, his curiosity was increasing. Shinobu had sat back down on his bed, staring intently at something nonexistent on the floor.

"Oy, Shinobu."

Cloudy gray eyes rose up to Miyagi's face, but slid right back down afterwards. The blonde's face was impassive, with lips still and eyes firm and thoughtful.

"Are you feeling okay?" The older man asked, words and body language casual.

"I'm fine." The teen murmured back.

Miyagi raised an eyebrow. He didn't reply, but continued to scrutinize Shinobu's bland demeanor, the smallest spark of annoyance beginning to kindle inside his normally cool head. Why the hell was this angry little hamster* of a kid ignoring him when he'd spent the last bloody month at his beck and call? Wasn't this upstart punk grateful?

Shinobu was fully aware of the older man's gaze, and those deep black irises were unnerving as he tried to hide his thoughts. His newly healed legs stood once again and began to head towards the door.

""Hey punk, where do you think you're going?"

The honey blonde froze with his hand on the brass knob, his cloudy eyes wide. But his gaze quickly hardened.

"Not that it's any of your business," He snapped. "But I'm going to the common room."

The teen was about to throw open the door and storm off, when a large hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to see a very tall, very ticked Miyagi.

All of Shinobu's angst seeped out into a puddle on the floor and he pressed his lips together to keep them from trembling at Miyagi's dark eyes.

"Alright brat, you've been quieter than Helen Keller the past few days and you're going to tell me why."

Shinobu's eyes went even wider at the seme's tone, but even still, he managed to mop up a bit of his spunk.

"None of your beeswax!—MMPH!"

The blonde's retort was cut off by a dominant pair of lips crashing against his own, pinning him against the back of the door. The shocked Shinobu involuntarily struggled against the advance, but the raven-haired seme snatched his thin wrists and pinned him, sliding his tongue in between the puckered pink lips.

Miyagi pulled his mouth back after a few minutes, giving the blonde a chance to catch his breath.

"Shinobu, spill it." The Ravenclaw murmured in a low, but commanding tone.

The honey blonde flushed, both from the kiss and from Miyagi's gaze. But despite his normal pluck, he knew he had to obey.

"I—I'm switching houses."

Black eyes went wide.

"You're WHAT?"

Shinobu's head dipped lower.

"You—You were right Miyagi…I—I don't belong in Ravenclaw. I'm going to go somewhere else."

"Where? Where are you gonna go?" Miyagi demanded.

Shinobu averted his gaze, embarrassment replacing all of his drained tenacity.

"I…I don't quite know yet. I know I don't belong in Gryffindor. I was thinking about Slytherin, but after what happened I'm not sure I should. So…I'll—I'll probably go to Hufflepuff…"

"You wouldn't fit in there," Miyagi retorted, causing even more shame to cascade down on the blonde.

"Well I really don't have a choice!" Shinobu all but screamed, hot liquid beginning to pool in his lower eyelids.

"No you don't…because you're staying in Ravenclaw."

Moist gray eyes flew up in complete shock, the gravity causing a single stream of salt water to run down Shinobu's pale cheek.

"What?" The teen whimpered.

The dark-haired seme sighed irritably.

"I thought you were supposed to have at least two brain cells to rub together punk! You're staying here and that's final."

"B—But you were right Miyagi! The sorting hat made a mistake—Ah!" The teen yelped as two large hands grabbed his waist and lifted him off his feet, still mashing him against the door. Miyagi held onto the blonde's small thighs and pinned him against the wall, his long fingers sliding around the underside of Shinobu's legs.

"M—Miyagi!" Shinobu sputtered, his eyes growing larger as he felt Miyagi paw his ass.

The tall man sighed, looking the teen straight in the face.

"Look punk, when those Slytherins came in here and tried to order all of us around, you told them off, even though you were half—well, maybe a quarter— their size. And as far as I'm concerned, anyone who defends their house like that deserves to be there. You don't belong in Hufflepuff anyway. You're too much of a ballsy brat."

The honey blonde teen stared in complete shock as the older Ravenclaw spoke praise that staked clear through to his heart.

And he immediately proceeded to bawl his eyes out.

The faintest of smiles crept over Miyagi's face as he held Shinobu and watched him sob. He lifted the boy off the wall and set him down the bed, cradling Shinobu's wet face against his chest.

"You know…" Miyagi murmured while Shinobu continued to violently cry. "You're kinda of cute."

* * *

><p>"Ahh…hahhh…ah!"<p>

Shinobu's panting cries sent electric shocks through Miyagi's entire body, and his tongue and hands moved faster as a result. The two lay side by side on the cramped, narrow bed, with Shinobu's sweaty back pressed to Miyagi's broad chest. The teen trembled as Miyagi's hands roved over his naked body, squeezing his nipples and tracing along his scarred but soft thighs. The raven-haired man licked and sucked at the small pale neck, tasting the tangy sweetness of the boy's skin. Shinobu timidly grabbed the larger man's elbow and wrapped it around his shoulders, holding tightly onto the strong limb as he felt Miyagi's fingers begin to rub at his virgin entrance. The boy tensed and closed his eyes, his cock twitching at the intrusive contact.

"Shinobu."

Grey eyes fluttered back open and the first thing they saw was one set of Miyagi's long digits.

"Suck 'em," Miyagi murmured, spreading the length of his tongue over the shell of the teen's ear. Shinobu tightened his lips briefly, but slowly opened his mouth and curled his tongue around the fingers, slickly coating them. Once they were sufficiently wet, Miyagi pulled them out and stretched them back down to the area between the teen's legs.

Shinobu gritted his teeth and hugged his own wrists against his chest, trying to suppress his whimpers as he felt Miyagi's finger smooth around his entrance again.

"You—You moron," Shinobu chattered. "St—Stop teasing and just do it already—AH!"

The blonde threw back his head and moaned as one of Miyagi's digits slicked inside him, twisting and stroking deeply.

"Shhh…relax." The older man cooed in his ear, biting down gently on his thin neck.

"Shuddup—" Shinobu cried out, his shoulders shaking. A second finger was added a moment later and it was all the teen could do not to moan.

Miyagi continued to gently kiss and bite Shinobu's neck, while his free hand snaked down and grabbed the boy's aroused cock.

"AH!" The blonde cried as Miyagi pumped his member, timing it with the thrusts of his fingers. Tears of passion began to leak out of the corners of Shinobu's eyes, but Miyagi's tongue swept them all away. After a few minutes of focused attentions, the teen was prepared and Miyagi had a serious hard on. The teen's eyes flew open as he felt the solid prick in the cleft of his ass, and he trembled again, both from anticipation and fear of the pain.

"Shinobu, sit up."

"Wh—What?" The boy stuttered as Miyagi's hands began to move him. The older man pushed himself till his back was against the wall and motioned for the blonde to sit on his lap.

"Why there?" Shinobu mumbled out, trying to keep the shaking out of his voice.

Miyagi patted his thigh, still clothed in his black slacks.

"This way will be easier. You can control the pace."

A furious crimson blush settled on the boy's face as he slowly crawled over towards the older man's lap. Miyagi had already undone his fly and the teen's eyes widened at the entirety of the man's arousal.

"N—No way…" Shinobu murmured, back away a bit.

Miyagi chuckled, patting his thigh again.

"Come on brat, you can go as slow as you want. I won't push you down and fuck you into oblivion."

Swallowing a bit of his fear, the teen crawled over and straddled Miyagi's lap, propping himself up on his knees. Shinobu wound his arms around the older man, burying his face in the crook between Miyagi's neck and shoulders as his lower body trembled. The dark haired man smiled and placed his warm hands on Shinobu's hips, holding him tightly.

"Alright punk," Miyagi breathed. "Lower yourself down."

Shinobu sniffed, gritting his teeth fearfully.

"Don't be scared." Miyagi whispered, kissing the boy's pale cheek. "You'll be fine."

"Oh shut up!" Shinobu spat back, his eyes scrunched shut. "I—I know what I'm doing!"

The older man sighed heavily. Brats…

"Then go right ahead Mr. Veteran." Miyagi smiled, slightly loosening his grip on the teen's hips. Shinobu swallowed hard, then began to lower himself, his head whirling and his heart pounding from the anticipation.

"…Uh!" He gasped as Miyagi's cock began to slide inside him. Shinobu stopped, panting heavily and holding onto the seme as he waited to adjust. Inch by inch, the boy went lower, going at his own pace and stopping when he needed to. The teen's snail steps were nearly killing the older man, but it was entirely worth it when he was completely buried inside the wet virgin heat that squeezed all around his member. Shinobu's face was even better, and the man's cock jumped when he saw the teen's half closed eyes, flushed cheeks, and parted lips letting out tiny gasps of pleasure.

The raven-haired man snatched the teen's face and locked lips with him, making Shinobu hum and moan even more. The honey blonde slowly started to rock his hips, and the resulting friction made bolts of lightning shoot up inside the couple's heads. Soon Shinobu was fully riding Miyagi's prick, his chin lifted back and his mouth letting out wanton moans. Miyagi's teeth found the thin neck and bit, leaving faint teeth marks on the snowy skin. Shinobu wailed louder as the older man pumped his weeping cock, and he moved faster, nearly screaming as Miyagi's prick pushed against his sweet spot.

"Uhh…uhhhh….UHH!" Shinobu cried as he came, his seed soaking his face and stomach. The boy stopped moving as the orgasm washed over his mind, making his body go limp. Miyagi, nearing release himself, held the boy's back and lowered him down onto the bed, where he began thrusting his bulging cock with renewed vigor. Shinobu's high moans coupled with Miyagi's guttural cry as the older man came, the sticky seed filling and spilling out of the teen's insides.

After withdrawing, Miyagi moved to spoon with the teen, planting gentle kisses along the panting boy's neck. Moisture that had gathered during the sex spilled down Shinobu's cheeks, but although he was exhausted, he'd never felt happier.

"Miyagi…" He breathed. "I love you…"

"I love you too brat."

Well, strike that.

NOW he'd never been happier.

* * *

><p><strong>*Author's note:<strong> you all are probably wondering why I called Shinobu a hamster. Well, I work at Petsmart and I had a fucking Russian one take a nice bite out of my hand the other day when I was trying to give it meds AND HELP IT'S FURRY ASS!

I honestly don't know why people want those fuckers as pets. My egoist rats are so much better behaved and don't give me anything but love and affection. Hmph.

So I guess Shinobu just kind of reminds me of a hamster. But since he hasn't bitten me, I prefer him over the buggers I have to take care of.

Plus he kinda looks like a hamster doesn't he?

Lol. XD


	23. Chapter 23

Holy Christ this was a long lemon -_- phew. But I would like to thank you all for your wonderful praise for the Terrorist lemon! :D

*Tears in eyes * I never thought me being a raging pervert would ever amount to so much approval. *Bows*

And on another note, I also have cause to cry as I received the most wonderful early Christmas present in my life.

All twelve volumes of the Junjou Romantica manga. (I KNOW RIGHT! :D) My poor little yaoi loving heart was in so much shock I had to go sit in the corner so I could calm down.

T_T Miracles do happen.

(XD Plus I got the most fucking awesome flamingo mug at Pier 1 Imports last week. FTW!)

So I hope you all had a good Turkey day (or Soy Turkey day for you vegetarians. I don't hate) and I hope you enjoy the lemon!

**LOVE YOU ALL! **

**The Thankful Flamingo 101**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Three: Equals<strong>

Akihiko drummed his fingers on the silky fabric of his bedspread, waiting for his badger to emerge from the bathroom. The seme briefly glanced down at his bare chest, which had been free of bandages for almost a week. The burns were completely healed now, and the faint shell pink scars could barely be seen on the pale skin, shadowed only by the indents of the Slytherin's sculpted muscles.

The silver-haired man heard Misaki puttering about in the bathroom and he wet his lips in anticipation. The two hadn't had sex since the incident in the Hufflepuff common room (for lack of a better word), and now that the drama had passed and wounds were healed and all was forgiven, Akihiko could barely stand the wait before he could taste and touch Misaki again. But in spite of his anticipation, there was no selfish lust in the man's thoughts, but only longing blushed with a hint of desire. The man had had a severe wake-up call when Misaki had cussed him out and went to such greats lengths to get away from him, and when Akihiko promised Misaki he'd make it up, he sincerely meant it.

Tonight would be all about Misaki, but not in the way one would think. Usually the man did ravish and attend to the boy so that he could feel the maximum amount of pleasure, but tonight would be a horse (or a badger) of a different color.

Akihiko had given Misaki complete control. It would be the Hufflepuff who would be at the wheel tonight, and Usagi had promised to obey his every whim. The man admitted he didn't really know what Misaki would tell him tonight, but he had made up his mind to do (or not do) anything the teen wanted.

But that didn't mean he wasn't impatient.

"Mi—kunnn," He half purred, half growled.

"Coming," Misaki called back. A second later, the doorknob to the adjoining bathroom turned and Misaki came out in his pajamas. But since they would be discarded soon anyway, none of the buttons on the teen's top were secured.

Akihiko saw the slender, milky tones of Misaki's lithe chest, and he licked his lips again, still not moving on the bed.

Misaki, freshly bathed, ran a hand through his damp hair and gave the man a small smile, before his docile green eyes drifted to the carpet. The teen was aroused, but still a bit nervous and sheepish about what he was about to do. At another point in time, Misaki would never have thought he would go through something like this.

But like the seme he loved, Misaki had also gotten a huge wake up call from the awful things that had happened in the past month. And they both knew it was time for a change.

Misaki also knew it was time to take the reigns. He'd done some soul searching while he'd spent that night in Gryffindor, and seeing all the couples there had made him come to a conclusion.

Unlike the groups he was usually around, that were starkly labeled 'seme' and 'uke,' the couples in Gryffindor were different. And two people in particular, Kamijou-san and Kusama-san, had shown Misaki that labels shouldn't matter in a relationship. Those two people, in both their actions and affections, hadn't been a black and a white, a seme and an uke.

They had been equals, each side taking and giving back.

This had been a huge revelation to Misaki, and he knew that it was time for him to start taking charge in some ways.

And the first step would be his own pleasure.

"Misaki…" Akihiko murmured softly. The teen lifted his verdant eyes back to his lover and walked to the edge of Usagi's bed. Misaki slid off his cotton pajama top and let it drop to the floor, leaving his lovely torso bare in the moonlight. Akihiko held his arms out and Misaki crawled into his lap, his slender thighs on either side of the man's waist. Akihiko gazed at the teen with affection and desire, but the only movement he made was to sweep a single finger briefly underneath Misaki's small jaw. He patiently waited, his promise keeping his arousal in check.

Misaki took a deep breath and met his lover's lavender eyes as he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Akihiko's streamlined chest. The teen lifted his chin and titled his head back, his lips parting in invitation.

Slowly and sensually, Akihiko snaked his arms around Misaki's waist and back and slid his tongue in between the teen's lips. His tongue kissed lightly, leaving room for Misaki to push back with his own oral muscle, which he did. They shared a long, soothing kiss, and Misaki was even able to slip his own tongue into the man's mouth and taste all he wanted.

Akihiko's large hands gently traveled the plains of Misaki's back, his skilled fingers squeezing and massaging the chocolate brunette's back. Misaki hummed in approval, his own hands sliding along the rises and falls of Usagi's uncovered back, the intimate ecstasy of skin on skin making his body warm. They kissed long and sweet again, and Usagi's face perked up in surprise as he felt Misaki's soft hands rest on his cheeks. The slender fingers traced ever so lightly along the man's broad brow, prominent cheekbones, and the elegant, strong line of his nose. Akihiko was stunned by the simple but intimate gesture, and the way the teen's lovely green eyes were complete focused on the tangible lines of his face. Slowly and tenderly, Akihiko cupped Misaki's jaw with a cool hand and began tracing a pointer finger along the smooth facial skin, feeling the soft curves and falls of the handsome, cute brunette.

Basking in the gentle caresses of his older boyfriend, Misaki leaned up and planted a soft peck on Akihiko's pale lips. Usagi returned the favor, gently kissing and nibbling on one of the teen's ears. The two soon established an unspoken pattern, everything Misaki did, Akihiko was allowed reciprocate. The two lovers held, hugged, and kissed with passion, but it was equally slow, gentle, and intimate. Akihiko also noticed that Misaki was humming and moaning peacefully as he touched and was touched, and as long as the silver haired Slytherin had known and dated the Hufflepuff, he'd never seen Misaki so relaxed. Akihiko's hands traced along the snowy, elegant body, drifting down to the brunette's subtly curved hips. The silver haired seme fingered the drawstring hem of Misaki's plaid cotton pajama bottoms. Seeing Akihiko's clear but gentle chide (rather than the usual of the man ripping off his clothes with no tact or warning), Misaki shifted back onto his knees and began to slide them down, the seme licking his lips as he saw a tease of black briefs. The brunette smiled and snorted (and blushed), but slid out of both articles, revealing the trim lower half of his young body. But as cock jolted as the older man was, his eyebrows still lifted as Misaki placed his hands at the hem of Akihiko's sweatpants and gave a light tug. A little surprised (but simultaneously SOOO turned on), the Slytherin smiled and removed his own bottoms, then held his arms out to take the uke into his lap again.

The couple groaned quietly together as Misaki straddled Akihiko's lap, their equally hard cocks pressing against each other. They both began to slowly grind their hips, resulting in more grunts, harder squeezes, and sloppier kisses as pleasure began to bring their minds to a gradual high. Misaki's soft skin rubbed tantalizingly against Akihiko's sculpted muscles, and hands large and small roved, petted, and squeezed until both men were almost bursting. Akihiko was so intoxicated with the teen that it took a fair amount of restraint not to push him down and begin banging him like a horny gorilla. But another wave of heat washed over the Slytherin's mind when he remembered that Misaki would have TO TELL HIM what position he wanted, and that little 411 was well worth the price.

"Misaki…" He breathed, pushing back a few strands of damp chocolate hair. "Are you ready?"

The teen took a deep breath, nodding as a warmer hue began to color his cheeks.

Akihiko's lavender orbs stared intently as he asked.

"How do you want it?"

Misaki gulped, his initial courage beginning to fade into his usual bashfulness. Even still, this was also something the teen had chosen beforehand.

He just had a hard time saying it out loud….

"I…I wanna be…on top…on your lap…" Misaki murmured, his eyes drifting off to the side.

An elated smile spread over the Slytherin's face, but he immediately tried to tone down his romping excitement.

"Do you want help?" He asked quietly, tracing his fingers along the brunette's cheek.

Misaki thought for a moment and nodded a few times before lifting his weight onto his knees. Akihiko instinctively took a secure hold of the narrow hips. Seeing a slight tremble in the teen's lip, Akihiko rubbed his back gently and peppered Misaki's face and neck with kisses. Once the teen was ready and positioned, the brunette took a deep breath and began to lower himself down, his own arousal growing harder from the fear and anticipation.

Misaki couldn't help but stiffen as he felt Akihiko's bulging prick enter him, and he bit down on his quivering lip to hide his timidity. But the older man easily read the signs and began to affectionately mouth the teen's neck, attending to Misaki's most stimulating areas, behind his ears, underneath his jaw, and the very base of his neck. Misaki's cheeks flushed and he felt arousal and heat burn into the core of his body. Akihiko kept up his attentions, and Misaki was amazed at how easy the tension eased out of his body. The teen felt his lips curve into a smile, and leaned into Usagi as the older man's mouth gently bit his throat. The man's touches, especially at this particular juncture, were incredibly kind.

For all his flaws (and tendencies towards being an oversexed horn-dog), the silver haired Slytherin did love Misaki deeply, and unlike other occasions, was now able to express it in a way the teen understood.

Misaki's head tilted backwards as he was fully impaled by the older man, and he let out a breathy moan that made Akihiko's hard on rock solid. Drunk with sensual pleasure, Misaki slowly began to rock his hips, the friction scratching the aroused itch deep inside him. Akihiko hummed in desire as the tight heat squeezed around him and Misaki moved deeper, shifting his hips around to find what angle he liked best.

"Ohhhh…." The chocolate teen groaned as the older man's prick pushed deliciously against his prostate.

"Oh god Misaki…" Usagi purred, his hips inching forward.

"Ohh… yeess…" Misaki moaned, weaving his fingers through silvery locks as his back arched. The teen moved harder, the new degree of control and enjoyment pushing him to reach for higher waves of sensation. The couple was sweaty, groaning mess as they thrusted together minute after minute, their cocks growing and bucking as their neared their climax. Misaki tried to keep up his pace as he felt heat coil in his lower abdomen, but found himself strangely a little unsatisfied.

"Usa—Usagi…" The teen panted.

"What?" Akihiko breathed back, his hands tightly clutching and squeezing Misaki's hips and ass.

"Push—push me back…" Misaki gasped, his head bobbing with their thrusts.

Akihiko (who almost came himself when Misaki said that) quickly complied, lowering himself and the teen onto the bed with barely a break in their stride. The seme back on top, Akihiko began driving with a breaking pace, probing and pushing the teen with fucktastic skill.

The height Misaki had craved was given to him as Usagi's thrusts hit him deep and fast, and the teen began moaning and begging with every breath.

"Ohh! God Misaki! I fucking love you," Akihiko groaned gutturally against Misaki's neck, his teeth biting and his tongue tasting.

"Ohh yeess! Yes Usagi! Yes!" Misaki cried in reply. "Ohhh uhh hahhh…AH—AUGH!" The teen arched and screamed as he came, the pleasure of built release coursing through his veins. Akihiko came long and hard as well, flopping down onto his exhausted younger partner.

After that, the two romantics continued to have a fucking wonderful night. After they made love, they had a good ole fashion fuck, in which Usagi was allowed to talk dirty about "having a taste of England" and give Misaki three (utterly orgasmic) blowjobs.

And following said fuck fest, the two sprawled out on the bed, Misaki laying face up on top of Akihiko's chest, staring dazedly at the ceiling while Akihiko buried his nose in the teen's sweaty hair.

"I love you Misaki…" The Slytherin cooed for the fourteen billionth time that night.

"I love you too," Misaki echoed for the tenth time that night. (A record for him.)

Akihiko hummed at the feeling of the warm, slender body perched a top him, and he brought a large hand up to palm the teen's chest. Misaki smiled at the touch, snuggling closer to his partner.

"I mean it," Akihiko purred. "You are my little Hufflepuff Prince."

Misaki raised an eyebrow.

"Prince?"

"Well," Akihiko chuckled. "I am still the Slytherin king."

"Well I didn't vote for you." Misaki shot back dryly. Akihiko snorted and rolled the teen over, capturing his head with two large hands and unamused lavender eyes.

"Hey you, unless you want me to give you a pair of coconuts and start calling you 'Patsy,' cut out the Monty Python shit."

Misaki rolled his eyes, half sticking out his tongue. But rather than make a rather lewd comment about what the teen could be doing with that tongue, Akihiko merely raised an eyebrow and leaned his head back, choosing (for once in his entire life) not to pursue an argument (in which he would undoubtedly win) with Misaki.

A little pleasantly shocked that there were no "retributions" for his back talk, the chocolate teen smiled and settled his head against the smooth, muscled chest.

"Usagi-san…"

"Hmm?" Akihiko grunted back.

"…Thanks…for tonight."

Two large hands brought Misaki's face from Akihiko's shoulder to his awaiting lips. And when the long, soothing kiss ended, Akihiko gave the brunette a dazzling smile.

"You are very welcome Misaki badger."

"Hey YOU," Misaki snorted back playfully. "It's not Christmas, and Veteran's day was weeks ago."

The silver haired man deftly pointed a single finger to a shell pink patch where his largest burn had been.

"Misaki, as far as injuries go…I am a veteran."

"Well Uncle Sam, I think you're full of shit." Misaki countered, but with a giggling smile.

Akihiko snorted again, combing back the teen's ruffled hair.

"Oh yeah," Misaki said, cocking his head. "The other Hufflepuffs and me wanted to ask you guys something."

The Slytherin raised a curious eyebrow.

"What?"

"Well," Misaki enlightened. "We think it would be a good idea for the Slytherpuffs to have group dates you know? And so, we were wondering if maybe we could all play poker sometime."

Grayish purple eyes went so wide the man feared they would fall out.

"What…What kind of poker?"

Misaki shrugged.

"Well, we thought strip would be fun."

Grayish purple eyes splattered onto the floor.

* * *

><p>Egoist next ;) and it's EXTRA special.<p>

**X**- I keep forgetting to tell you that I am including a pageant type thing :) tee hee hee. Thanks for the idea!

**treena ivy carter, Y1e2a1h, musical wings, roni317, and Annoyingmouse**- SQUEE! New faces :D I'm so glad all of you are here and that you dropped me special reviews ^_^ hope you continue to enjoy!

**Booboobitxch666**- I'm thrilled you like my lemons ^_^ squee! and that I got a thrown wheel of cheese. (whatever the means...lol)

**Puppyfacetwo**- everybody needs lovin' :) and since this is a YAOI, everybody gets lovin. XD

**Cerberus-sensei**- always fantabulous to hear from you as usual :D I honestly don't know if I'm going to attempt a Maiden Rose fic, mainly because I have no idea what the fuck to write about... *blank slate* and those two have more baggage than an airport...

and I two was pissed about the shower scene. At least SOME smutty moments were present though. Sigh.

**Silverknightam**- I enjoyed the hamster line myself XD

**Shinobu4everX3**- Hope you continue to stalk XD...though in a completely non creepy way. LOL.

**Egoistfangirl**- love you reviews. I can't wait to make you squee your brains out with my next Nowaki lemon ;D

**LxLight4Eva**- XDD WOW. It's so fitting that a hamster named Shinobu would bite XD I have two rats named Hiroki and Nowaki and Nowaki is a total sweetie but Hiroki used to bite XD funny how that works.

**Sesshomaru94**- glad I could make ur hell week a bit better :)

**KitElizaKing**- *bashful *:3 oh wow, thank you for your praise! squeeee. And YAY! Another rat enthusiast! :D

**3rdmuse**- Thanks so much for joining in! :D and WAH! Flamingo cookies! I am not planning to include any SIH lemons as this is a junjou world, Hatsukoi just rents space. Though (spoilers) I am planning to write a Descendants oneshot after I finish this since I LOVE Tsuzuki/Hisoka.

**Annoyingmouse**- and btw, I did give Yuu an Uke. Go and read my story "Always" ;)


	24. Chapter 24

Holy shit. I cannot believe I managed to churn this out on a day where I worked an effing ten hour shift and nearly died when I came home.

0.o It seems working at Petsmart has done nothing to decrease my libido...*head/desk *

But thank you all for your patience! ^_^

But GOD, let me say after completing this sexy triathlon that I AM DEAD. *dies *

So it was almost like a regular triathlon huh? XD

And I sincerely hope all of you enjoyed the lemons, because they will be the last in Junjou Patronus. Because ya'll (except for Ceberus revised) probably don't know how exhausting it is to write three lemons in a row.

But speaking of a certain person, this Flamingo uke has simply wonderful news.

**Cerberus Revised and I are getting married!** XD And we hope you all will bless the union of this dog and this bird (and send us fanfic wedding gifts ;D) and celebrate with us ^_^

And to my new seme: I WUV YOOSE! XD

(Lol, I was so born to be uke. I can't live without cake and I don't want to do any of the work during sex. XD)

Ahem ahem...well, I hope you all enjoy the egoist lemon. And let me give a special shoutout to Egoistfangirl (who will probably end up being our maid of honor) for this idea. She's been waiting for this effing lemon since like chapter nine and I hope this completes her egoist fangirl world ^_^

New chapters will be up soon! And review replies as well! Thanks to you all for reading!

**The Engaged Uke Flamingo 101**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-four: Broom Rides<strong>

"Alright Hiro-san…get on the broom."

The cinnamon-haired Ravenclaw swallowed a lump of distaste and gingerly stepped towards Nowaki, who had both muscular thighs saddled over a lean Nimbus 2001. Hiroki tried not to scowl his face off as he looked at the broomstick, but at the same time he hoped that his mask of disdain covered the psychopathic butterflies that were flying frantically inside his stomach. As easy as it might be for an athletic, Gryffindor jock like Nowaki to hop on a piece of cleaning equipment and zoom about at two hundred miles per hour, it took Hiroki almost all of his courage just to get on the damn thing.

But, having given his word in a freak apology, he really didn't have a choice.

This particular freak apology had been the result of a happening inside the common room that Hiroki would rather forget.

Three days ago, the brunette had decided to make a stop by his boyfriend's house. It was unannounced but since Nowaki had the digs for unexpected romantic shit crap mush like that, Hiroki didn't think he would be too upset. Besides that, in Gryffindor boyfriends were allowed to use the passwords (and they were actually the only house that did. Ravenclaws preferred announced arrivals and in the extreme case of the Hufflepuffs, semes were banned altogether. (The Slytherins would love to have their ukes call upon them so their doors weren't even guarded. But for obvious reason they had never gotten their wish.)).

But as soon as Hiroki entered the common room, he had seen something he REALLY shouldn't have:

Tsuzuki, Yukina, and Nowaki dancing around their kitchen in t-shirts, boxers, and socks, playing air guitars and singing along to the song "Old Time Rock n' Roll."

And honestly, the reddish brunette could not have been more shocked than if he'd suddenly found Narnia in the hallway broom closet.

What's more, the air guitar players didn't notice the utterly horrified Ravenclaw for several minutes. But once they did, Gryffindor house nearly imploded from embarrassment. (Well, in Nowaki's case. Tsuzuki just casually asked Hiroki not to tell Hisoka and Yukina thought Hiroki should strip and join in.)

Reeling from awkward embarrassment, the Ravenclaw had fled, and Nowaki (after putting on pants of course) had run after him. A fight had ensued because Nowaki refused to drop it, and the reddish brunette in a blind rage had punched Nowaki right in the mouth.

And Hiroki had regretted it immediately. At the sight of Nowaki's blood, the worked up brunette had broken down and nearly cried, especially when Nowaki tried to comfort him.

And naturally, after that things had progressed in their natural, time true order.

Tears. Apologies. Acceptance of apologies. More apologies out of denial of the forgiveness. More forgiveness. Make up sex. And lastly, Hiroki promising Nowaki an afternoon to do whatever he wanted.

But what he didn't expect was Nowaki choosing an activity that was non-sex related.

Quidditch.

And now, more than ever, Hiroki blamed Nowaki for everything. Except for the tiny piece of him that had suggested that goddamn promise in the first place.

Simply because Hiroki was terrified of flying.

True to his name (which had something or other to do with trees), Hiroki was a man of the ground, and the ground was where he fucking wanted to stay. While most of his Ravenclaw housemates avoided the Quidditch field simply because it didn't interest their overly intellectual minds, Hiroki avoided it because just the sight of flying brooms made him quake.

And what was worse, Nowaki figured it out.

So now the ever lion-hearted Gryffindor had taken it upon himself to help his beloved boyfriend face his fears.

And Hiroki wanted to kill him for it.

Biting down on the inside of his cheek, Hiroki put an awkward leg over the broom, Nowaki's hand guiding the brunette to sit in front of him.

"Are—Are you sure this damn thing will hold both of us?" The redhead growingly stuttered.

Nowaki smiled.

"Yes Hiro-san, we'll be just fine." The giant purred, pulling the smaller man till Hiroki's back touched his chest. Nowaki then snaked his arms under Hiroki's and took the front of the broom, preparing to lift off.

Slowly, the broom rose into the air, steadily lifting the weight of the two men with ease. Hiroki's panic began to spike as he felt his feet leave planet earth, and Nowaki felt the brunette's weight press against his chest. They were about ten feet off the ground by then, and it was all Hiroki could do not to upchuck onto the grass.

"It's okay Hiro-san." Nowaki said reassuringly, resting his chin on the other man's shoulder.

Hiroki didn't dare spit out a retort. Speaking would only betray the quaking volcano of fear that was exploding in his head. The broom eased up a few more feet and the brunette was gripping the handle so hard his hands shook.

"Hiro-san, don't look down." Nowaki suggested tenderly. "Look around."

Desperate for anything that would keep him from hurling, Hiroki lifted his eyes from the broom handle and looked to his left and right.

His rusty eyes began to register the landscape of the Quidditch field and the surrounding hills, Before his eyes lay beauty, the patchwork quilt of the green grass, the bushy dots of the trees, and the lake lined with a shinning silver. Hiroki's cinnamon eyes were awed by the clarity and detail he saw, and the height-sick intellectual suddenly found himself relaxing. He felt the sturdiness of the broomstick under him and Nowaki's warm, strong arms holding him steady, and Hiroki's fear slowly began to dissolve.

Nowaki steered the Nimbus skillfully, sending them in a wide circle around the field. The warm breeze ruffled the redhead's hair back from his forehead, fine strands brushing against Nowaki's lips. The Gryffindor beamed as he saw Hiroki adjust, and he pulled the smaller body closer to him, resting his chin on Hiroki's shoulder.

"Well…" Hiroki stately matter-of-factly, "I guess this isn't that terrible."

Nowaki chuckled.

"What ever you say Hiro-san," He breathed into the brunette's ear. The reddish brunette was busy peering at the lovely architectural angle of the castle when he felt an unfortunately familiar hand sliding along his bent leg.

Rust-red eyes went wide only to narrow into a scathing scowl.

"Nowaki…what the crap are you doing?"

Nowaki's lips curled.

"Nothing." He replied, his fingers trailing along Hiroki's inner thigh. His hand went dangerously close to the other man's crotch, causing Hiroki to shift on the broom.

"Nowaki," The redhead snarled. "We are nearly fifty feet in the air. NOW is NOT THE TIME to be a fuckhead."

"Mmhhmmmm." Nowaki hummed playfully.

Hiroki squirmed again. Although he couldn't see his boyfriend's face, he swore he heard the other man's smile grow wider.

"Nowaki stop!—Cut it out!—UH No—Nowak—ki!" Hiroki barked and grunted as a large hand began to knead between his legs. "I mean it stupid! Cut it OUT—OWW!"

The brunette yelped as Nowaki's teeth clamped down on his earlobe and nibbled, sending more tingles straight to his cock even while his mind was frantic. The giant's hand pawed Hiroki's quickly growing hard on, and the Ravenclaw (despite his utter terror that was just as quickly resurfacing) found his body responding.

Hiroki sucked in a trembling breath of air as Nowaki pressed the brunette's tight ass to the stiff bulge of his own broomstick, slightly grinding the two together as he kneaded Hiroki's cock harder. The reddish brunette gulped for his breath as both fear and pleasure whipped through him, the tingling sensation bolting back to his arousal. Nowaki was also preoccupied with his petting, as his other steering hand began to slightly sway them off course.

"No-Nowaki! Watch where you're going!" Hiroki shrieked as they bumped down almost five feet at once. Cobalt eyes looked up irksomely, peeved that his skill hands could not handle the simple tasks of flying a broom and jerking off his lover at once. Honestly, what the hell were they good for if not this?

In spite of the sharp retorts of "idiot," "dingbat," and "fucking moron blockhead," Hiroki bit back a groan as Nowaki gave his inner thighs a good squeeze, and in the back of his panicking mind, the brunette knew that there was no way he could get out of this.

But even still, he had standards.

"Nowaki," He panted, his grunts breaking up his normally articulate speech. "I don't care how bad you want it or how hard our cocks are. I'm not fucking on a fucking airborne broom."

Although he was secretly irked, Nowaki knew that his partner (who was most often extremely unreasonable) was right. And having no other option but to end their Quidditch in favor of another form of broom riding, Nowaki took his hand off Hiroki's cock and began steering them back to the ground. Hiroki (in spite of his relief that his boyfriend was now completely concentrating on them not dying of a fall) felt his aroused member ache when Nowaki's stroking stopped, and although he had a buildup of heat in his abdomen, he wasn't anywhere near a relieving climax. And it killed him to say what he did in result.

"Nowaki, I can't wait till we get back to the dorm…"

The giant's eyebrows shot up. He of course, felt the exact same way, but it was still cock jolting to hear his prude uke mouth the words.

"Neither can I." He responded. "Hold on."

The athletic Gryffindor all but dive bombed the Nimbus all the down to the field (and at the same time thoroughly traumatizing his already traumatized non-athletic Ravenclaw).

As soon as his feet hit the ground, Nowaki grounded the broom and grabbed Hiroki by the waist, half dragging the panting brunette into a nearby equipment closet. Once the door was shut, the Gryffindor lion pounced on the smaller man, attacking with mouth and hand. He pinned Hiroki's wrists to the wall, the brunette's groans muffled as he drowned Hiroki in a deep, sloppy kiss.

The smaller man moaned and panted at the typhoon's ferocity, and his cries grew higher as Nowaki rubbed a knee in between his legs. The giant's tongue lashed with unleashed strength and Hiroki felt his legs tremble underneath the taller man's weighted passion. The brunette struggled to free his wrists, and when Nowaki let go, Hiroki's hands went right to the giant's warm, sweaty shirt. Even if Nowaki was dominating him, Hiroki still knew he had a say so in their actions, and he indeed to use it.

Once his chest was bare, Nowaki grabbed the smaller man in a hot, muscled embrace, his hands flying to undo Hiroki's belt. His aching erection free, Hiroki's eyes rolled back in pleasure when Nowaki began to stroke him again. The brunette howled into the giant's mouth, and Hiroki's thinner, finer hands freed his boyfriend's cock in return.

His own broomstick off the chain, Nowaki hand stopped its stroking and grabbed Hiroki's shoulders, hurriedly turning him around. So close to his own release, the brunette spread his legs and bowed his head, his fingernails digging into the concrete wall as Nowaki's cock roughly pushed past his muscled ring and into his wet interior.

Nowaki's cock blazed as he entered, his mouth open and howling as Hiroki's tight heat squeezed him. Craving more of the brunette's fire, Nowaki drove himself into Hiroki, evoking more cries from the aroused uke. The driving friction felt so tantamount to the smaller man's throbbing arousal that the thrusting drove him wild, moans and pleas spilling out of his guarded mouth.

"Uhhh!…Ohh! Ohh Nowaki…"

"Yes Hiro-san!" The giant echoed. "Ride my broom!"

"Ohhh…nughhh….AUGH!" Hiroki screamed as he came, Nowaki's powerful arms almost choking his torso in a bear hug. The brunette panted as Nowaki quickly withdrew and also came, his seed pattering down onto the cement floor. Hiroki turned around, his knees and arms quivering with the strain of release.

The two, sweaty, panting, exhausted men stared at their partners, each taking in the other's disheveled, ugly, sexy state.

And after exactly ten seconds, Hiroki jumped straight into Nowaki's arms and they began fucking all over again, all thoughts of regular broom riding forgotten.

* * *

><p>Hisoka Kurosaki glanced impassively at the drifting clouds in the sky as he stood in the middle of the Quidditch field. After a few minutes or so, he looked at his watch, scowling to himself.<p>

"He's late again…" The blonde muttered, thoughts of the hyper sugarcoated Tsuzuki making his brow dangerously furrow. The two were supposed to meet here to head over to Hogsmeade, but it seemed Tsuzuki had either gotten lost (likely) or distracted (more likely).

Hisoka sighed, pivoting on his heel to head back to the school and deliver suitable punishments for such crimes. But instead of heading out the main entrance like he had before, the sandy blonde decided to take a different route. He padded to a far corner of the field, glancing around dryly as he—

Hisoka's bright emerald eyes shot out of his head as his mind as suddenly enveloped in a cloud of emotions…that he REALLY DID NOT want to be in.

His hand flew to his mouth in disgust and he cast a look of horror over at a nearby equipment closet, where his sharp ears could faintly pick up muffled sounds.

Hisoka resisted the urge to faint (or barf) (or both) and turned tail, streaking away from the empty (well almost empty) Quidditch field as fast as he possible could.

But God, being an empath in a school full of fuckers was indeed suckage in its truest form.

That was the third time this had happened just this week.

* * *

><p>The far edges of Nowaki's lips curled at the quiet, steady breaths that echoed in his room. He smiled, wrapping his arm tighter around Hiroki's sleeping form. But although he was plenty tired himself, Nowaki had gained far too much seme power and glory to even think about sleeping. They had had a simply sinful fuck today.<p>

Well, not just one. Fuck after fuck after fuck after fuck AFTER FUCK!

And needless to say, both were more than satisfied with their afternoon of Quidditch. (Though in the back of his mind where his reason was temporarily being housed, Nowaki did wonder when he and his boyfriend would actually be able to have an activity filled afternoon when they DIDN'T end up having sex (but reason was currently being drowned out by the enormity of testosterone pumping through his blood so he didn't dwell on that long)).

But the giant had one last thing he wanted to do before he finally went to slumberland. And to do it…he needed Hiroki to be sound asleep.

He had an opportunity now. He could not afford to waste it.

Nowaki lifted his head off the pillow and leaned over the brunette, his fingers gently brushing strand of cinnamon hair away from Hiroki's ear.

Then, ever so softly, he placed his lips inches from the smaller man's ear and opened them to speak.

"Hiro-san…" He said, his voice barely audible even in the silence.

The brunette hummed lightly in his sleep but didn't stir. Nowaki grinned elatedly.

Perfect.

"Hiro-san…I want…" He whispered.

Hiroki hummed again in reply.

"Do you know what I want Hiro-san?…do you?"

"Mmmm…"

"Hiro-san…I…want…a… puppy…"

"Mhmm…"

"We need a puppy Hiro-san…I want a puppy…YOU want a puppy…"

Hiroki muttered something and nodded in his sleep, shifting onto his stomach.

Nowaki resisted the urge to laugh in triumph and laid back down, snuggling up to his lover with a big, goofy grin on his face.

The giant cocked a dark eyebrow.

Hmm. Maybe he should have been put in Slytherin…


	25. Chapter 25

You all don't know how happy I am that I'm past the lemons and we're back to the regular ole nuttiness.

But thank you all for the Egoist rave reviews XD and for the wedding congratulations and internet cookies! ^_^ me and my canine seme appreciate them so.

Speaking of which, the next chapter will feature a couple special guests ;) so stick around.

And we've topped 250 reviews! 8D you all have made me a very happy flamingo and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Smooches!

**TBF101**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Five: Poker is for Badgers<strong>

"Well…this is no fun." Akihiko muttered boredly from his chair, an unlit cigarette perched between his irksomely puckered lips.

The silver haired Slytherin sat with his house comrades around their large common room table as tonight was poker night.

However, unlike their previous poker nights, this particular one was a badger of a different color.

"How many do you want Ritsu-kun?" Ayase asked, motioning to his fellow uke.

Onodera furrowed his eyebrows for a second then replied

"Uh…three."

"Moron…" Takano's condescending tone growled from the chair next to him. Ritsu ignored him, gathering up the cards Ayase slid across the polished wood.

"How bout you Misaki-kun?" Ayase asked.

"One please." Misaki replied, taking the card Ayase handed him.

"Alright," Ayase added after drawing two cards. "I raise."

The tiny blonde reached up towards a very perturbed looking Kanou and undid the man's tie, placing it in the center of the table. Misaki and Onodera's eyebrows shot up.

"Any takers?" Ayase asked, glancing around the table pleasantly.

"I'll take." Onodera replied, a slight edge in his voice. "I'll raise your tie with glasses."

Ritsu's bright green eyes slid over to Takano, and the brunette held out a palm. Takano rolled his eyes and deftly pulled off his glasses, setting them in the center of the table.

"Misaki? What about you?" Ayase asked.

The brunette looked shyly down at his cards, and then folded. Takano noticed Akihiko's face turn sour.

The game continued with Onodera and Ayase facing off, with rather surprising (and yet unsurprising) results.

"Two pair." Onodera said, placing his hand down. But he swallowed hard as he saw Ayase's blue eyes light up.

"Flush in hearts." Ayase grinned cheerfully, also revealing his hand. Onodera groaned and Misaki looked relieved that he had backed out at the last minute.

The blonde's smile never left his face as he gathered up his latest spoils of war. He looped the tie back around the gorilla's neck and set Takano's glasses on his own head, looking even cuter with the spectacles arranged in his nest of blonde hair.

Takano scowled at the sight.

"Way to lose again Ritsu…"

Onodera scowled right back.

"Shut it. It's uke poker night. I don't need your advice."

Takano's brow sunk down a few more inches and he uncharacteristically piped down, only communicating his contempt through various glares.

The reason for the seme acts of submission was exactly what Onodera had mentioned. It was uke poker night.

After their night of sweet, emotional sex, Misaki's mention of them all playing strip poker had Akihiko's libido ramped up to Mount Everest proportions. The Slytherin king had immediately sent the idea to committee, who had it passed in milliseconds. And come Tuesday night, the game had commenced…but not in the way the semes had imagined.

It wasn't the ukes who were stripping. It was them.

And the semes all had mixed feelings about the arrangement. On one hand, their ukes had willingly come to their common room to spend time with them and Misaki and Ayase were even perched on their boyfriend's laps. (After the Slytherins had solemnly sworn that their basilisks would be tame for the evening.) Except Onodera (who never believed any promise that had to do with Takano's basilisk), who was sitting in his own chair (much to Takano's chagrin).

But when the badgers had first clued the semes in on what the night would entail (meaning seme strip poker, pleasant conversation, and cuddling afterwards but no rough fucks), the older men, particularly Kanou had adamantly opposed it.

But that little dispute was effectively put to rest as soon as Ayase brought out the big guns. One of the first things the tiny blonde had shared with his house was King Kong's weakness.

Tears.

As an emotionally void, sadistic macho man, Ayase had figured out early on in their relationship that Kanou was extremely uncomfortable around obviously displays of emotion. And so, when Kanou had made his "no fucking way" speech, all Ayase had to do to silence the man was put the tinniest bit of quiver in his lip (which the other ukes knew he could do on command), make his doe eyes as big as he could, and the semes reluctantly caved.

But just a few minutes into the first round of poker, all three of the older men had figured out that if they were stripping (and revealing their sinfully sculpted bodies), the probability of sex afterwards significantly increased.

But they had found out that the ukes already prepared for that.

Beforehand, the three badgers had come up with a point system for each article of clothing, and had made it a point to make the worth of accessory items WAY more than the actual clothes. The highest priced clothing were ties, followed by glasses, watches, shoes, socks, cell phones, belts, shirts, bras (if any which wasn't likely in the first place), sweaters, shirts, pants, and finally boxers, which in monetary value were only worth three cents.

And over the past seven hands, absolutely no shirts or other critical articles of clothing had been bet. So far, Ayase had won five of the seven rounds, and he and Kanou were now sporting all three ties, all three cell phones, Usagi's watch, and Takano's glasses.

Needless to say, King Kong was not happy that his uke was Napoleon on poker night, as they had not lost a thing. And while Takano and Onodera sported the heaviest losses, rather than be excited about losing his clothes, Takano was pissed that his uke had refused to take any advice. Usagi too was perturbed as he knew Misaki was terrible at any sort of game, but uke knew that himself and was too timid to keep betting things so they were at a standstill.

With Ayase still the uke king, the game continued, and the semes were getting a little impatient.

"Misaki, why don't you let me take over for awhile?" Usagi purred into the brunette's ear, giving him an affectionate nuzzle.

Misaki rolled his eyes and didn't answer.

"I won't lose on purpose. I promise." The Slytherin pressed.

Misaki turned his neck, a funny glint in his eye as he smiled musingly at his seme.

"Silly rabbit, pokers is for badgers."

After that retort, the rabbit took the hint and piped down, choosing instead to focus his attentions on subtly blowing into Misaki's ear. The brunette giggled and Usagi's smile grew wider.

"Do you wanna spend the night again Mi-kun?" The silver haired seme asked.

Misaki shrugged.

"Sure. But I want another backrub."

"Deal." Akihiko replied, snaking his arms around the uke's trim waist and giving him a squeeze. Misaki smiled and leaned back against the man's shoulder, looking at his new hand of cards. Ayase and Onodera exchanged small smiles as they saw the romantics interact cordially. Ever since the semes had been released from the infirmary, they had noticed a change in the couple. Lately, Misaki had been much more assertive in what he wanted and Akihiko had (tried to) become less of a passive aggressive douchebag.

Even now, while he was certainly pissed about none of the gloves (or other articles of clothing) coming off, the seme was still enjoying himself, nuzzling and squeezing a content Misaki with only about half as much ill intent.

"So Aya-kun," Kanou spoke up, trying to create some conversation in the midst of this boring game (particularly for him). "We hear you have a new Hufflepuff in your house."

The blonde nodded, not looking up from his latest game shattering hand (a full house).

"Mhmm. Hisashi-kun. He moved in a week ago."

"Yeah," Misaki added. "He's really shy though. He barely talks to any of us."

Across the table, Takano chuckled.

"Oh really? Because he seems quite chummy with a Slytherin of ours."

"Who?" Onodera asked.

"Ya—Na—Se." Usagi trilled with a wide grin. Misaki's eyebrows shot up.

"No way." Onodera countered. "The guy who's so dead set on Chiaki? I don't believe it."

"Among plenty of other things…" Takano muttered under his breath.

"Well it appears they've both had a change of heart." Akihiko chuckled. "Because I saw those two heading into the Room of Virgin Expirement last night."

Kanou barked a laugh, exchanging amused looks with the other semes.

"That was fast. I wonder what they found inside…"

"Hey," Ayase retorted, blush starting to creep up on his cheeks. "Keep the conversation clean."

Kanou rolled his eyes, resting his chin on top of Ayase's silky hair.

"Don't be such a Nazi Aya-chan, we're just discussing the 'friendly interactions' between the Hogwarts houses."

The three ukes snorted in unison.

"Oy, speaking of 'friendly interactions,'" Takano cut in with a tone of distaste. "Why is there a sign that says 'He-Man Slytherin Haters' outside Gryffindor? Do they still have some kind of grudge against us?"

"I don't know but that fucking sparkly one keeps giving me the stink eye." Usagi replied.

"Oh don't worry about them Usagi-san," Misaki piped up. "They're just…still a little mad about what happened last month. But they promised us that they wouldn't go beyond threats."

Akihiko's brown furrowed.

"And WHEN exactly did they promise this?"

Misaki shrugged.

"We hung out in their common room last week and it came up."

"You WHAT?" Akihiko growled. Misaki rolled his eyes.

"Oh don't get your bunny ears in a knot." The brunette replied. "We just stopped by to say hello and they invited us in. They're all very nice, plus they have a PS3 and all the Call of Duty games."

The three semes immediately made a mental note to invest in as many game consoles as possible.

"Just don't get too chummy with them Mi," Usagi growled warningly. "If any of them touch you I'll kill 'em."

Misaki snorted.

"I'm sorry if this ruins life for you Usagi-san, but not everybody is as horny as you. The Gryffindors are our friends, and me and Nowaki-san like to talk. Plus they already have boyfriends."

Said horny rabbit was about to bark a retort, when he remembered a critical thing. There was probably no way that Nowaki would ever man handle his Misaki.

And even if he did, there was a certain Ravenclaw that would retaliate post haste with the ferocity of Hannibal Lector.

And at the mention of that person, Akihiko suddenly felt all his fears put to rest.

After piping down the Slytherins once again, the ukes continued their game of poker with the stripees still in the back seat. And as the rounds wore on (and no shirts or pants came off), for the first time in their lives, the three sadists found meaning in the new term, "uke whipped."

And they still had a long night of cuddling ahead.

* * *

><p>LxLight4eva- yeah, I can post some pics of my egoist rats for you :) probably with the next chapter or so. Unfortunately I can't fit the house exchange in but thanks so much for the suggestion.<p>

silverknightam- Usagi was excited about the strip poker because he thought the ukes had volunteered to strip. oh how wrong they were :)

KitElizaKing- you know, I had the hardest time getting JR vol 2. what's the dealio? 0.o (though it was incredibly sexy XD) and thanks for the pillages wish teehee.

Booboobitxch666- thank you for the cookies and cigs! ^.^ squee. Hope you post a lemon sometime! :) I'd love to read it.

Mini Blue Skirt- being epic is never cliche ;D and I always like my fanfics to echo the original stories. If you discard the personality, then I feel you have robbed the audience of a valuable thing.

Puppyfacetwo-and evil Nowaki is just so fun to write ;) thanks for the cookies!

Cerberus seme- Oh ho ho you big flirt ;D I can't wait either. There is lemony goodness to be had.

tree-ivy-carter- lolololol we shall see ;)

Honeypancakes- Good. Thanks. Lol.

Wafuruu- Daaww :) your so sweet. Thanks for the love!

Sesshomaru94 and X- thanks for the reviews and well wishes!

And thank you all for the favs, subscriptions, reviews, and the fact that there are 25 chapters of me rambling and I still have fans XD


	26. Chapter 26

Hello faithful readers. I sincerely apologize that it has been a month since I updated. *hangs head * I have been a little holed up in my new Hatsukoi fic so this was kinda put on the back burner. I appreciate you all waiting so patiently and here is a really long chapter to make up for your wait.

Also, it is time to announce that we only have four chapters of JP left, including the epilogue. And as the fic is almost over, I will not be able to fulfill any new requests. Gomenasai.

Anyways, this chapter was a request by a reader like way back at the beginning.

I hope to update again soon! Thank you all so much for continuing to support my crack fic XD

By the way, there are a couple special guests in this chap. Can you guess who they are? ;)

**TBF101**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Six: Defense against the…wait, what?<strong>

Months passed, and the school year at Hogwarts was a week from being over. The Gryffindors were finishing up their Quidditch games, the Ravenclaws were reading the last of their books, and the Hufflepuffs were in the middle of their third attempt to get their Slytherins to stop smoking (and once again, it was failing miserably).

And in the midst of all this, there were the usual torture devices.

Finals.

Taking a page out of the badger book, the Ravenclaws had locked all of their doors and confined themselves in their own house, living on ramen, cramming like mad, and not talking to any of their pinning boyfriends. And everyone in the other houses agreed that it was the sad sight to see Yukina sitting outside Ravenclaw with puppy eyes and a protruding lip for two days. Nowaki hadn't gone to such lengths, but he would have if Hiroki had not regularly texted him saying he was still alive.

The entire house of Gryffindor was nearly bursting with excitement that the year was almost over, and were already having sappy daydreams about taking their boyfriends to the beach and having romantic splash fights. (Hisoka had even caught Tsuzuki having one and had dealt suitable punishment for such crimes. There were pink sparkles in the background for Christ's sake.)

Ravenclaw was in a much more terrible mood. Considering the amount of their cramming, it was to be expected, but the brainiacs were also caught up in their own pre summer stress, as they knew that the season would bring awful vacations to hot, crowded places, and blasted splash fights when they would rather be holed up inside air conditioned buildings watching reruns and eating fig bars.

(But they secretly also missed their lions and found it incredibly hard not to drift off into daydreams of fornicating underneath the study tables in the library.)

And despite this drama, the franticly studying houses were given yet another stressful announcement. The Defense Against the Dark Arts final would be a competition, and everyone's grades would depend on how prepared their house was as a whole. This was a bit of an unpleasant surprise to everyone, as the DADA classes had been horribly unstructured the entire year. For some off reason, the school could never seem to keep a teacher longer than a month, and not all the replacements had been up to par. Not to mention the teacher giving the exam had never even taught a class. This information only seemed to stress out the Ravenclaws even more, as they preferred to be well prepared in any situation. After receiving this 411, the house had crunched down even more on the books, and made sure that a single word did not go unread. In fact they were so paranoid they considered having a priest come and pray with them before they all gathered in the DADA classroom on exam day. (They ended up not doing it on account that it sparked debates about theology, the existence of God, and whether or not he gave a shit about their grades.)

But, prayers or no, it was time.

Hiroki, Kisa, and Hisoka left the common room together and made their way to the classroom, where they would meet up with all the other Ravenclaws. The three were silent but calm as they walked through the corridors (though Hiroki thought he saw Kisa cross himself) and entered the large exam room. There was a group of desks at each of the four corners of the room, each with one of the house flags hung over it.

"KISA SAAAAANNNNN!"

The petite Ravenclaw flinched and scowled in the direction of the Gryffindor corner, where Yukina was bouncing up and down in his seat like a hyper active puppy. Tsuzuki and Nowaki also swelled up in excitement as they laid eyes on their ukes who they had not seen hide nor hair of in weeks. Kisa and Hisoka ignored their partners and retreated to sit in the Ravenclaw corner. Hiroki was about to follow when he caught sight of Nowaki, who was also wagging his invisible tail and staring at Hiroki with starry eyes. The state of his boyfriend tugged at one of Hiroki's (extremely few) heartstrings, and he gave the giant a quick nod before following the others. The rest of the Ravenclaws came in shortly, but they were very surprised to see Shinobu come in without Miyagi. Ever since the two had begun dating earlier in the year, it was hard to find one without the other (or to find them NOT fornicating underneath the library study tables).

"Oy brat." Hiroki growled. "Where your stupid boyfriend?"

Shinobu shrugged dryly.

"He doesn't 'feel well.' Something about his back hurting."

The Ravenclaws all groaned.

Kisa snorted hard.

"Way to skip on test day and leave us all to die on the battlefield. Asshole."

"Oh well," Hisoka rolled his eyes. "We don't need him anyways."

The Slytherins and Hufflepuffs (naturally) came in together, and the Gryffindors began to divvy up their longing looks with indignant glares at the smokers. The Slytherins glared back, watching their ukes like hawks as all the houses sat in their respective corners.

And now that all the houses were assembled, they waited nervously for the professor to arrive and begin the competition.

_SLAM!_

Which didn't take long.

And every eye from Kanou to Chiaki widened considerably as the tall professor made her way in and stood behind the desk, dropping her briefcase down with a smack. After a few seconds of dramatic silence (hey, if you're teaching why not look good doing it?) she looked up and regarded the assembly coolly.

"I am Professor D. N. Preach." She spoke dryly, her sharp eyes watching every move the students made. (And just in case someone made a wrong move, she had quite a collection of chalk and heavy textbooks with which to remedy that.)

"This is the Defense Against the Dark Arts bowl, which will ultimately decide your grades in this course for the year, no matter if you had regular classes or self study."

Half the population of the room gulped in unison. From the three minutes they'd seen of her, it appeared that this teach was one not to be reckoned with.

Suddenly, the door to the classroom creaked open, and everyone's eyes instantly went wide as a new arrival tapped into the room and over to the desk.

Kisa could not contain himself.

"Err—umm Professor Preach?" He said, raising a hand. "What…is that?"

Professor Preach raised an eyebrow.

"What exactly does it look like?"

"Uh…" Kisa stammered. "It…looks like…a black flamingo."

"Correct." The Professor responded boredly. "Students, I would like to introduce my assistant." She gestured to the long legged bird, who had hopped up onto the desk and perched on a high stack of books.

"She is a flamingo animangus, and prefers the bird form when she's assisting me." The Professor smiled, stroking the sleek feathers on the bird's back. "She looks extreme, but she's actually very shy, so I don't want any of you to dwell on her while we are taking a test."

"Now," Preach continued. "Let me explain the rules of this competition. Each of your groups has a dry erase board and a marker. There are fifty questions on the test. When I ask one, you all have thirty seconds to write down the correct answer and turn your board face down. Then I will ask you to reveal your answers and you will or will not receive points."

Several of the students nodded in understanding, while the rest swallowed enlarging lumps in their throats.

"And, the house with the highest score will not only pass the exam, but get additional points added onto their other tests as well. Simply put, you win this challenge, it will be impossible to fail ANY of your courses. And you can take that to the bank."

At the mention of this prize, all of the Ravenclaws inched forward in their seats, their minds already ricocheting to the possibly of acing EVERYTHING. If they won the academic world was their fucking oyster!

"BUT," Professor Preach added, a sudden glint in her eye. "The house with the lowest score will have a little chore to do for me. I have a giant three-headed dog that lives in the dungeon below the school. And as she has a voracious appetite, she's rather hard to feed by myself. So the losing house will be doing that for me."

All the students exchanged glances.

"Er—let me get this straight," Kisa said, raising his hand again. "The house that loses has to… feed your dog?"

"Correct," The teacher smiled. "And by the way, if she starts licking and drooling, it means she likes you."

Kisa blinked back at the comment, raising a slightly confused eyebrow.

"Alright class. Let us begin the competition." Preach announced, sitting in the high backed desk chair. The teacher reached into her briefcase and pulled out a large stack of white cards and a stopwatch, placing them on the desk next to the flamingo.

The Ravenclaws scrambled to get ready, inclining their heads together and quickly deciding to let Hisoka hold the answer board (on account that his handwriting was both quick AND legible). Professor reached for the first card, and the test began.

"For three points," The teacher read. "What is the primary function of a potion containing wolf's bane and witch hazel?"

Every Ravenclaws in the circle immediately had the answer to that one, and not ten seconds passed before Hisoka had the board face down and ready.

"Time's up." Preach said, clicking her stopwatch. "Houses show your answers."

Each of the white boards went up, and her hawk eyes drifted to each of the answers.

"The answer is warding off the lunar effects of lycanthrophy. Points to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw."

All of the brainiacs exchanged thrilled glances at their early lead, and they perched themselves on the edge of their seats in anticipation of the next question to be conquered and slain. Hiroki too was feeling a rush of energy from the competition, and he looked at Professor Preach with bright and firm eyes. However, as he saw a bit of movement on the desk, his gaze turned. Hiroki's cinnamon brow creased in befuddlement as he watched the teacher's animangus discretely pull a white card from underneath her wing and place it on top of the pile. And as she had been directing her attention towards the Slytherins at the time, the Professor did not notice.

"Next question." Preach said, taking the top card off the pile.

"For ten points, which article of food under any circumstances is not to be eaten by semes?"

Hiroki and the rest of Ravenclaw exchanged wide-eyed, horrified glances.

"What kind of a question is that?" Kisa whispered furiously.

"That doesn't matter! Doesn't anyone know the answer?" Shinobu shot back.

But all of the intelligent men, for once in their promising lives, came up blank.

"Time's up." The Professor called after thirty seconds. "Show your boards."

The other three houses' immediately showed their answers and the teacher nodded in approval. However, she raised an eyebrow dryly when she noticed that Ravenclaw did not even venture a guess.

"The correct answer is cake. Points to Gryffindor, Slytherin, and Hufflepuff."

The house that was normally raved for its intelligence felt the shame of an unanswered test question looming over their heads like a cloud of black despair.

Along with a few poorly disguised obscenities.

Hiroki felt his burning gaze flicker over to the suspicious flamingo, and he could have sworn that the ebony bird winked at him…

"Two point question. Name the key difference between a werewolf and an animangus."

The brains of the Ravenclaws immediately zapped back to life and they had the answer written down within pico seconds.

"Points to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw."

The Ravenclaws exchanged thrilled glances yet again. Hah, why on earth had they doubted themselves? They were easily the smartest people in the school and they had studied their asses off. They were sure to win. That stupid cake question had just been a onetime fluke—

"For twenty points, what articles of clothing do the ukes and semes always wear after sex?"

Hiroki's eyes widened (and he blushed like hell) at the question, and his gaze immediately went back to that damn flamingo, who was whistling not so innocently next to the pile of cards.

And their eyes continued to enlarge as the test continued and they quickly lost their ground. In fact, by the time they were on question twenty they were all but panicking.

To makes things even worse, both the jocks and the perverts were beating them. And that was unforgivable.

And it reaaallly didn't help matters that the Gryffindors were enthusiastic about it. When the question, "What is the reason you can maintain a relationship with an uke who is dumb as a doorknob or irritating as hell?" came up, Nowaki was more than happy to proclaim the answer OUT LOUD.

"We can do it because we love our ukes. We're semes and that what semes do!" The giant spoke proudly, casting lingering glances at his own irritating uke. (Even though said uke looked like he was about to pull a guillotine out of his pocket and recreate the French Revolution.)

By this point, the Ravenclaws were all but ripping their hair out, and when yet another odd sex question (something about dildos) was posed, the house really put their heads together.

Literally, they were crammed together like a football team at the playoffs.

"All of these questions are bullshit!" Shinobu snarled, baring his teeth.

"I know! What the fuck?" Kisa hissed back.

"They're just all weird too." Hisoka added. "They're all about ukes and semes."

Suddenly Kisa's face dropped in recognition.

"What?" Hiroki growled at him. "What's that look for?"

"I think I know where these questions are coming from…" Kisa whispered in horror. "Ever heard of something called 'The Seme Handbook?'"

"That's just a myth." Hiroki snorted. "There's no actual book on how to be a seme."

Hatori uncomfortably cleared his throat, immediately gaining everyone's attention.

"Actually…there is."

The surprise of the Ravenclaw ukes immediately turned to rage.

"THEN WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU KNOW ANY OF THE ANSWERS?" Hiroki snarled furiously.

Hatori shrugged.

"Because I've never read it."

"What kind of bloody seme doesn't read the fucking seme handbook?" Shinobu accused. "You have got to be the worst seme I've ever seen!"

"Oh fuck!" Hiroki snarled, gripping handfuls of his hair. "Of all the times to be sick WHY DID MIYAGI HAVE TO CHOOSE TODAY?"

"Ravenclaw!" Preach snapped. "Do you actually have an answer this time?"

The house gulped and stayed silent. The professor sighed dramatically.

"What a surprise…"

The pressure had become too much. The incredible brains of the Ravenclaws had the drumming inside their skulls like basketballs for almost an hour, and Kisa's head and temper finally cracked.

"It's not our fault we can't answer these! They aren't even legitimate test questions!"

Professor Preach raised an eyebrow, but her eyes were cool and calculated.

"Well, as all the questions were written by me, I take it you are questioning my academic ability?"

Kisa blushed and quickly stammered a reply.

"No! No Professor not at all! YOUR questions are completely up to par! But it's the seme handbook questions that aren't!"

Preach raised the second eyebrow and sighed.

"What exactly are you talking about?"

"Professor," Kisa began carefully. "Your flam—…your assistant has been putting her own questions on top of your stack."

But unfortunately, despite his caution, Kisa's proclamation did not have the desired effect.

"Hah, likely story." Preach snorted, chuckling under her breath.

Kisa glowered.

"I'm not kidding Professor! Your flamingo keeps switching all the questions!"

"I can assure you she is doing no such thing." She replied coolly. "And your attitude leaves many things to be desired. NOW gentlemen, if we can continue our test…in order to prove your worth as a seme in bed, what specific action must your uke climax during?"

"THERE!" Hiroki barked, furiously pointing at the offending bird. "SHE JUST DID IT AGAIN!"

"STOP LOOKING AT MY FLAMINGO!" Preach yelled. "Next question! What kind of car must a seme drive?"

* * *

><p>It was now an hour later, and the Defense Against the Dark Arts final was over. The professor began to look at her point scale, tallying up all of the correct answers of the houses.<p>

"Final score," Preach announced, leaning casually against her desk. "Gryffindor: 254, Slytherin: 252, Hufflepuff: 297, and Ravenclaw….58. It appears we have a clear winner and a clear loser."

The incredibly intelligent minds of the house of Ravenclaw smacked down onto their desk in shame, their scowls growing wider as they heard the excited cries of the house of badger. Though through their embarrassment at themselves, and rage at the Professor and her aviary, they wondered with befuddlement at how a house of ukes had managed to get every seme handbook question right.

What they didn't know, was that all of the Hufflepuff ukes had read the seme handbook just last week. One night when Ayase had slept over at Kanou's, he had found a copy under the sleeping gorilla's bed. And under of the advice of the quote "Know thine enemy," he had made copies of the book and distributed them to his housemates so that they would have inside info.

However, the Ravenclaws did not have such a leg up.

"Congratulations to Hufflepuff for a job well done." Professor Preach smiled admirably at the badgers. She then turned to the losing house and her smile widened.

"Now Ravenclaw, if you all head down to the dungeon, I'm sure my dog has worked up quite an appetite. The rest of you are all dismissed."

The house of intelligence begrudgingly filed out of the room to await their punishment. After all the other students had gone, Professor Preach looked over at the black flamingo, who had begun to shake with laughter.

The teacher chuckled as well.

"Nice job back there."

The flamingo laughed harder in response, nearly toppling off the desk as she hopped down onto the floor.

Preach grinned and motioned with a hand.

"Come on Flamuke, let's go watch Cerberus have some fun."

* * *

><p>Also a big shoutout to my own Three headed seme! I wuv you lots and I love the fics you write for me! Smooches! ^_^<p> 


	27. Chapter 27

****Hello peeps! I realize I have not updated this in many moons. Gomen. But hopefully now that I am in the homestretch I will be able to suck it up and push out those last few posts! There will be one more chapter left and then the epilogue, plus a few little extra omakes ;)

**Thank you all who have stuck with me through this incredibly insane crack fic. You have my deepest and most sincere gratitude. **

***Bows***

**Thank you with all my heart,**

**The Black Flamingo 101**

P.s. A reader requested pictures of my two pet rats Hiroki and Nowaki, so here is a link to some. Be careful, they're adorable :)

photobucketdotcom/ albums/ r602/ TheBlackFlamingo101/

(take out dot and spaces)

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Seven: Will and Graceful<strong>

The end of the year had come. As of today, the Hogwarts final exams were over, grades were set in stone (or mud for some), and boxes were waiting to be packed. But before moving out commenced, there was one last ceremony that uke and seme alike had gathered to attend.

The great hall was packed, with every single member of the school sitting with their respective houses for the closing ceremonies and general end of school celebration.

Well except for two certain ukes who were playing the (adorable) hosts.

"Well then," Ayase cleared his throat, casting several disapproving glares at a house that should remain unnamed. "I'm sure we all enjoyed the music video project done by one of our houses, '_Springtime for Slytherin_'….despite it's extremely graphic and OFFENSIVE nature."

Several snickers echoed through that portion the crowd.

"Er—um," Misaki continued, flipping nervously through his note cards. "Moving on… Congratulations to Ravenclaw on winning the house cup! Great job and you all deserve it!"

Scattered applause followed the announcement and the Ravenclaws gave halfhearted waves to acknowledge the praise. Truth be told, everyone in the house of intelligence (despite losing the DADA bowl) had done exceptionally well on their tests, but now were all but lying in coffins as a result of too much coffee and overnighters (not to mention the afternoon of "fun" they'd had with Professor Preach's dog). The brainiacs were so spent they had even managed to doze off during the explicit video montage, which was no small feat in itself.

Luckily, they had a group of teddy bears shaped cushions nearby to alleviate some of their pain, as Gryffindor was sitting right next to Ravenclaw, letting the tired ukes rest on firm but gentle seme shoulders.

Now that tests were over, Kisa and Hisoka had resumed contact with Yukina and Tsuzuki, and it was obvious that they were happy to be back together (IE: they were too tired to refuse the public cuddling).

Hiroki and Nowaki, also reunited, were a bit more subtle in their PDAs, with a drowsy Hiroki resting the back of his head on Nowaki's chest and staring dryly at the festivities. The giant sat with his warm hand resting on his partner's, a quiet but happy smile on his face as Misaki continued to speak (stutter).

"Er and um… Everyone, please remember to vacuum your dorm carpets before you leave and um…take uh…any food that you have in your kitchens. We don't want rabbits—er RATS. I meant rats…in the dorms." Misaki clarified, quickly averting his eyes down to the floor.

Ayase took over where he left off.

"Alright, that's about all for the announcements." He smiled. "And now we have one last thing to take care of before everyone is dismissed. Last week, we passed around cards that had ten different categories for student superlatives, and we would like to name them now and hand out these trophies to the winners."

Misaki reached behind the podium to a small table covered in small golden statues, locating the one for the first superlative and taking a closed envelope out from underneath it.

"Our first category is 'Most entertaining uke and most entertaining seme.'"

"And 'most entertaining uke'," Ayase continued. "Goes to Feliciano-kun! Please come up to get your award!"

A cry of Italian delight was heard from the Hufflepuff table and Feliciano skipped up the aisle to take his trophy, running off to the Gryffindor table to show Germany.

Misaki opened the second envelope and read the other recipient.

"And 'most entertaining seme' goes to Kou Yukina!"

"Oh my god! KISA-SAN DID YOU HEAR?" Yukina whooped, nearly sending them both tumbling out of their chairs.

Kisa clamped his hands over his ears.

"Urgh…"

The human equivalent of a golden retriever bounded up and squeed as Ayase handed him his trophy, jumping up and down several times with joy before thundering back to his uke.

"Next category is 'bravest uke and seme,'" Misaki said, opening the next envelope. "Bravest uke goes to Shinobu Takatsuki and bravest seme goes to Asato Tsuzuki!"

Over at the Ravenclaw table, Shinobu's eyes went wide while Miyagi gave a quiet laugh.

"Go on brat, go get your trophy." Miyagi chuckled, shoving the blonde off his lap. Shinobu tried to keep his face stoic as he went up with a squeeing and whooping Tsuzuki, but the slightest blush crept over his face as Ayase handed him the gold statue.

"Look Hisoka look!" Tsuzuki yammered as he raced back to his seat. "I won I won I won!"

"I saw…" The tired uke muttered back.

"And now we have…oh um it's 'scariest uke and seme.'" Misaki said with a slight tremor. "Uh ah…first we have 'scariest seme' and that goes to…Shiki from Slytherin house."

All eyes went over to Slytherin, but the dark haired sociopath was nowhere to be seen. But true to form, not thirty seconds later, a distinctive crash was heard from up on a roof, accompanied by several angry screams that were most likely Akira's.

"Moving on…" Misaki mumbled shakily. "The award for 'scariest uke' goes to…oh, it looks like we had a tie, so two people will be receiving trophies. The award goes to Hiroki Kamijou and Hisoka Kurosaki!"

Hiroki's eyebrows shot up and he heard Nowaki gasp in delight.

"Hiro-san! You won! You're the scariest uke of all! Wow!"

Hiroki extracted himself from the now bouncing giant and stiffly made his way up to the platform, his trademark scowl very much apparent. Hisoka followed suit, an air of disinterest surrounding him as he accepted his award. However, a tiny smirk crossed Hiroki's face as he saw the blonde.

"Tied huh?" He murmured. Hisoka gave him a brief smile.

"Guess so." The blonde replied as the two Ravenclaws went back to their chairs.

Over at the Slytherin table, Kanou was glaring a hole into the wall as he sulked. Akihiko noticed him and chuckled.

"Looks like you lost." Akihiko laughed.

Kanou scowled further.

"The only reason that bastard won was because he fell through the roof of Hufflepuff and scared the bejesus out of those badgers last month."

"Keep telling yourself that." Takano grinned.

"Next category is 'most tenacious uke and seme' and they go to Shinobu Takatsuki and Masamune Takano!"

The Slytherin's smile widened.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have an award to collect." Takano huffed, strutting his ass down the center aisle with all sexiness. Shinobu also walked up to the stage again, the slight blush darkening as he took his second trophy.

"Alright," Ayase continued cheerily. "Next up we have 'coolest uke and seme,' meaning the most laid back. And they go to Hisashi Araki and Yoh Miyagi!"

It was Shinobu's turn to smirk as the "laid back" Miyagi momentarily lost his indifference to shock.

"Huh, imagine that." He muttered, walking nonchalantly up to the podium. A short Hufflepuff with curly blonde hair also padded up, taking his trophy with barely a nod.

"And now we'll be going to the two individual categories," Misaki said, grabbing yet another envelope. "First up is…uh 'sexiest uke blush.' And this award goes to Ritsu Onodera."

"What!" A shocked and slightly panicked voice howled from the badger corner. The two hosts stared at their housemate, who so far had refused to get up. He sunk further into his chair, doing a terrible job of making himself invisible.

"Come on Ritsu-kun," Ayase motioned. "Come get your trophy."

The uke (now sporting his celebrity blush) slowly inched his way up to the stage and meagerly accepted his award.

"WHOOO! YOU ROCK THAT BLUSH RITSU!" Takano bellowed, standing up on his chair and waving his tenacity trophy around with the widest of grins.

"Takano-san!" Ritsu moaned, immediately fleeing from sight.

"Uh okay…" Misaki muttered, going to the next envelope. "And now we have the category 'sexiest seme smile' and that award goes to—….Akihiko Usami."

"BITCHIN!" The silver haired smoker whooped with gusto. He flashed everyone his so called 'sexiest smile' as he strutted up to the stage and took his trophy, giving Misaki's hair a ruffle before he went back to Slytherin.

"And finally," Ayase said, raising an eyebrow at the display. "We go into our final awards, 'best all around.'"

"And first off is 'best uke all around,'" Misaki continued. "And it goes to…." The brunette suddenly stopped as he read the note, and the reddest blush of everyone in the room appeared on his cheeks. After a couple seconds of silence, Ayase took the note from him.

"It goes to Misaki Takahashi!" He grinned, taking the gold statue from the table and placing it Misaki's limp hands.

A shrill, inappropriate whistle echoed from a certain Slytherin and Misaki flushed further, staring down at the floor and trying not to have an uke faint moment.

"Alright, and now we have 'best seme all around.' And it goes to…"

Every seme in the castle inched forward at those words, their long, sexy fingers crossed in hope…

"Yoh Miyagi!"

Every seme mouth (including the recipient) dropped in union.

After that, the entire table of Slytherin yelled in protest.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" They bellowed, shaking their fists in rage.

"HAH! EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT SLYTHERIN BASTARDS!"

The semes all turned in surprise to hear Shinobu give an uncharacteristic (VERY uncharacteristic) cheer and jumped into the air, his blonde hair bouncing as Miyagi looked at him with slight amusement.

Ayase glanced at the Slytherins coolly as he handed Miyagi his trophy.

"In case ANYONE was wondering, this vote was almost unanimous, after hearing how Miyagi-san went through a lot of trouble to QUIT SMOKING! TAKE A HINT!"

"Er um…and lastly," Misaki spoke up. "The final category is 'best couple all around,' encompassing all of Hogwarts and all the houses."

"And let us also say," Ayase added. "That this vote was also almost entirely unanimous as well."

"The award," Misaki continued, ripping open the envelope. "Goes to none other than Hiroki Kamijou and Kusama Nowaki!"

Hiroki (who had almost fallen asleep again in the midst of all the chaos) started when he felt Nowaki gasp. The giant's jaw hung slack, and his blue eyes were wide with excitement and disbelief. Hiroki too was shocked (and slightly embarrassed) as the two slowly walked up to the center stage. Applause echoed through the Great Hall from the enthusiastic Hufflepuffs, Gryffindors, and Ravenclaws, and Hiroki could even see Akihiko clapping proudly himself.

The rest of the Slytherins were slightly less excited.

"I can't believe we all got beat by Will and Grace." Kanou muttered to Takano, who sighed in reply.

"Oh shut your gob." Akihiko smiled. "Those two saps just have enough petty angst and romantic nonsense for a thousand of these awards. Plus…they just kind of deserve this one."

Misaki picked up the large trophy and smiled with all joy as he handed it to the couple. Hiroki was hard pressed not to blush at the smiling Hufflepuff, as well as the still going applause. Nowaki was almost blushing himself with the incredible happiness he felt, and against his more saner thoughts, he put his arm around Hiroki's shoulder and kissed him on the forehead.

Hiroki thankfully, was far too awkwardly stunned to retaliate.

"And before everyone leaves," Misaki said, still smiling at egoists. "Hufflepuff would like to make an announcement of their own. We have delegated a special award to give. On behalf of all four houses, we would like to award Nowaki Kusama the title of 'Mr. Congeniality,' for services rendered to the school of Hogwarts, and to many of us students as well."

Ayase reached underneath the table and handed Nowaki another trophy as more applause erupted in the crowd. Nowaki took the award with unusually shaky hands, almost looking like he was about to cry as he grinned his heart out.

Hiroki felt his own gaze soften as he saw Nowaki's happy face, and a feeling as warm as Nowaki's hands coursed through his heart. As Nowaki cast an elated wave to the Gryffindors, Hiroki put his hand on his big giant's back. Nowaki turned and grinned at his partner, and Hiroki felt the corners of his mouth begin to pull as well.

Well…maybe this year hadn't been so bad after all.

….Maybe.

* * *

><p>"Aww that's so great for Nowaki and Kamijou huh?" Tsuzuki yammered as he and Hisoka paced around the hallways. The two had slipped out a bit early, as the overwhelming happiness of the entire school was just a bit too much for Hisoka's tenderly frozen nerves.<p>

Hisoka nodded, a tiny smile perking at his lips. Even though they were far away from the Great Hall by now, Hisoka still held Tsuzuki's hand, and the giant's happiness was a powerful emotion.

Even still, rather than jerk away, Hisoka closed his eyes, feeling bliss rather than repulse at the warmth of Tsuzuki's feelings.

But his brief comfort was interrupted by the obnoxious ringtone of Tsuzuki's phone.

"Hmm. Wonder who this is." Tsuzuki muttered as he put the cell to his ear. "Hello?"

"Oh Tsuzuki! Thank God I got to you before he did!"

"Watari?" Tsuzuki said in surprise, voicing the name of another guardian who worked for the Judgment Bureau. "Why are you calling me?"

"Oh Tsuzuki you are in DEEP SHIT this time! Remember last fall how you blew up that Quidditch field at that school you're at?"

"Uh…yeah. What about it?"

"Well, the school sent a list of expenses to the bureau and well…Tatsumi saw it yesterday."

Tsuzuki eyes went wide as death at the mention of the Bureau's executive secretary.

"…And…h—how was he?"

"Let me put it this way. Remember how mad he was when you destroyed the library?"

"Well that wasn't really my fault. I was possessed by a dog demon…er but he said he was going to torture me slowly to death…"

"Exactly!" Watari yelled in complete panic. "Tatsumi is absolutely furious and he's coming up to get you! By god man run for the bloody hills! RUN!"

Tsuzuki's entire face drained of color and without another word he snapped his phone shut.

"Tsu? What's wrong—ACK! TSUZUKI!" Hisoka yelled and his boyfriend threw him over his strong shoulder and took off running down the hall.

"Tsuzuki!" Hisoka shrieked. "What are you doing? Where are we going?"

"Canada." Tsuzuki barked back, flying out of the school as fast as a bolt of lightening and becoming the first of the students to leave the school.


	28. Chapter 28

So here we are at the last official chapter :) though there will be omakes and epilogues to come.

And I will warn you now, this chapter is by far the crackiest crack one in this entire crack fic. And this is because it includes involuntary drug use.

I have chosen to include this chapter because:

1. It's hilarious.

2. I read the "Neko Nipped" chapters of Don't Preach's Neko Hiro and fell in love.

3. I have seen every single episode of That 70's Show.

4. It's hilarious.

5. I have an unhealthy obsession with Pink Floyd.

7. I like to make fun of stupid things people do.

Please believe me that this last chapter is meant to be funny and is not condoning drug use and is not meant to offend in any way. (though then again, if you want to talk about offensive things, then this entire fic is up for grabs...) So if you guys who have a beef could not make a stink, that would be great.

And everyone who's a vegetarian can sit back and enjoy the lunacy :)

**Thank you all for your support and reviews yet again dear readers!**

**Love,**

**TBF101**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Eight: Comfortably Dumb<strong>

It was moving day at Hogwarts, and Hiroki was bored out of his academic skull. This was primarily due to the fact that:

One: Being the extreme over achiever he was, he'd gotten up and was packed by ten am.

Two: He'd skipped eating breakfast to save time.

Three: He'd then discovered that Nowaki was nowhere NEAR packed.

And Four: This was because Gryffindor was throwing a moving day party with the Hufflepuffs, complete with a full scale DDR tournament and did not plan on doing ANYTHING until after at least noon.

This left Hiroki in quite a predicament, as he did not have the SLIGHTEST desire to watch his boyfriend (who was hailed as the dance dance king) step on those arrows like a complete idiot, but almost all his housemates had already left and he'd packed all his books. Completely and unfathomably bored, the brunette took to wandering around the empty halls, looking for something, ANYTHING to distract him for a few hours.

And ironically, his feet took him to the corridor of the Slytherin common room, and he tentatively walked in to see if Akihiko was around. And like Gryffindor, most of the semes hadn't started doing a thing. In fact, Akihiko, Kanou, and Takano were sitting around doing what they normally did, smoking and making fun of people they didn't like.

"Oy Hiroki!" Akihiko called as he spied his friend in their open doorway. "Come on in old boy."

The Ravenclaw walked slowly into Slytherin house, his nose wrinkling at the instantaneous smell of smoke. He went down and sat next to Akihiko on one of the couches, trying to ignore the quirky stares of the others.

"What's your problem?" He asked Takano, who had a slight grin.

"Oh nothing," Takano replied. "Just didn't recognize you without 'Mr. Congeniality.'"

Hiroki snorted.

"What, jealous?"

Takano laughed, tapping his cig on one of the ashtrays.

"Not likely."

"Or is it because your badgers are all cooped up in the lion house?" Hiroki spoke haughtily. Takano didn't appreciate his comment.

"Get bent." He barked, crossing an arm behind his head irritably.

The other two semes groaned.

"No offense Hiroki," Akihiko growled. "But fucking Gryffindors and their goddamned game consoles."

Hiroki huffed again, but all the while damning the game consoles himself.

Kanou gritted his jaw, puffing furiously on his smoke.

"Man, if those badgers weren't hopping around on those dance pads they could be here making us food! We all slept past breakfast."

Takano sighed.

"Tell me about it. Do we even have any sort of food here?"

"Go check." Akihiko said, putting out a spent cigarette and reaching for another.

Takano got up and trolled off to the kitchen, glancing around in the fridge and cupboards.

"All we've got here is peanut butter and Captain Crunch." He replied.

"What kind?"

"Crunch berry."

"Damn. I like peanut butter crunch more." Akihiko moaned, his head landing on the back of the couch with a soft bump.

"Damn is right." Kanou growled. "Kirishima must've eaten all the Count Chocula before him and Yoko left."

"Oh wait," Takano called. "What's this pan on the table?"

"What pan?" Kanou replied.

Takano returned to the living room, holding a large cake pan wrapped with tinfoil.

"Did somebody drop this by?" He asked. "I don't remember seeing this here last night."

Everyone shrugged.

"What it is?" Akihiko inquired, leaning over for a better view. Takano undid a corner of the wrap.

"Brownies."

"Huh," Akihiko muttered. "Wonder how those got here."

"Who cares?" Takano said, reaching into the pan. "They're already sliced and I'm hungrier than a Russian refuge. Let's dig in."

"I'm game." Akihiko replied, grabbing one himself. "You want Hiroki?"

The Ravenclaw thought for a moment before his stomach gave an unsoundly growl. Without saying a word he reached into the pan as well, taking a bite of the square.

"These taste kinda funny…" Takano muttered in between a mouthful. Hiroki noticed as well, but kept eating for the sake of his empty belly.

But after a couple of minutes, it wasn't his belly feeling funny, it was his head. Hiroki blinked a couple of times as he looked around the common room, his head slight swaying without him realizing.

"Hey…" Takano murmured airily. "Does anyone else feel…weird?…Because I feel….fucking awesome man!" He bellowed, dissolving into a fit of chuckles. Hiroki stared at the giggling man and a huge, dopey grin spread over his face.

"Takano," He laughed. "You're such a jackass. I've always wanted to say that to you… you're a jackass."

Takano laughed harder, pointing a finger excitedly at Hiroki.

"I've always wanted to say that to you too!"

That comment somehow made Hiroki laughed harder, and his head flopped onto the back of the couch as his sides began to heave.

"You know what we should do." Takano said, his eyes growing wide. "We should fuck…that way, we'd be TWO JACKASSES TOGETHER!"

"No shit!" Hiroki laughed, his shoulders heaving with giggles. "We should do it!"

From the other recliner, Kanou sighed wearily.

"Man, I wish Ayase was here…I miss that little bugger. He just has the biggest little eyes and that cute little nose... He reminds me of a Who…all the way down in Whoville. And I'm the Grinch who comes and takes all their shit away!" He barked as he too began to laugh and slap the sides of his chair. "God I am such a terrible person…and it's AWESOME!"

Akihiko was unable to comment on the moment as he'd taken a second brownie and was in the process of choking on it from laughing too hard. Kanou continued.

"I should just go down to Pufflehuff and move in." The gorilla grinned excitedly. "I'll move in and be the king of the fucking badgers. I'd be the fucking badger king. And I'd fuck them all."

"Hold on hold on," Akihiko finally breathed, having recovered from his self inflicted Heimlich. "You can't be in Huffapuff. The only people who can be in Hufflecuff are people who like people, and we don't like people. Only Pufflecuffs and Gryffinlors like people. Isn't that right Hiroki?"

"Yeah," The brunette grinned dazedly. "I fucking hate people. People suck. But Nowaki likes people. He's likes it a lot, just like the Whos in Whoville."

At another mention of Whoville, the other three men dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"Oh god Kamijou," Takano squeaked. "You are such a funny jackass."

"Hey hey hey!" Akihiko said excitedly. "Do an impression of him! Do it!"

Hiroki barked a laugh and stood up, putting his hands on his hips and scrunching up his face.

"HI! I'M NOWAKI! I FUCKING LOVE EVERYONE! HIRO SAN!"

Hiroki's impression sent Akihiko over the edge of sanity, and he promptly fell over of his chair onto the floor, rolling in laughing pain. Hiroki plunked back down on the couch, grabbing another brownie and shoving it into his mouth.

"Nowaki," Takano annunciated with a grin. "Nowa-key…NO-WAH-KEY…That's such a funny name dontcha think? It's like wah-key…walkies…waka-waka. YES that's it! Waka-waka!"

"Waka-waka," Akihiko breathed, slowly climbing back off the floor. "That's great."

"Names are so funny ya know?" Takano continued, twisting a lock of his hair airily around his finger. "Like Onodera. Now that one's weird. It's sounds like 'on-a-bear-a.' Like 'on a bear' man! On a bear!"

"I fucking LOVE bears." Akihiko grinned. "I just wanna go find all the bears in the world…and put them in my sock drawer. And then I could open up my sock drawer every day…and be greeted by bears!"

"That. Is. BRILLIANT." Kanou said, staring at the ceiling in amazement. "You totally need to do that."

"I would get other bear things too," Akihiko continued, beginning to count on his fingers. "I would get stuffed bears, and unstuffed bears, and bears with ashtrays on them, and a bear blimp!"

"A bear blimp?" Hiroki asked through his gooey mouthful.

"YES!" Akihiko said, getting more excited. "And I would take Misaki and we would fly around the world in a bear blimp! We could use it to rescue people!"

"That's stupid." Takano slurred.

"Oh yeah," Akihiko challenged. "Just wait till you fall off a clocktower. Won't be such a dickhead then will ya?"

"Hah, like that'll ever happen." He sneered back. But right after saying it, Takano glanced longingly over at the kitchen. "God I'm hungry." He barked, racing out of his chair and plowing into the cupboards with gusto.

"I'm hungry too." Kanou whined. "I wish Ayase was here to make me pudding…"

Takano meanwhile, had grabbed the aforementioned jar of peanut butter, and had proceeded to dump some of the Crunch berries straight into it. He then grabbed a spoon and tucked in.

"OH. MY. GOD." He said in between gooey mouthfuls. "You guys gotta try this!"

The dark haired Slytherin trolled back into the living room, but this time plopped down next to Hiroki, staring at him with interest.

"What are you staring at Twatkano?" Hiroki grinned.

"You know what." Takano grinned back with peanut buttery teeth. "You and waka waka remind me of somebody. Wanna know who?"

Hiroki's grin widened.

"Guess what Bakano, if you say Will and Grace I'm gonna drown you in the peanut butter. It'll get all up in your nose."

Takano giggled.

"No, no. Not Will n' Grace. You and waka waka are Ernie and Bert man! You're Ernie and Bert. 'Cause you fuggin' hate each other, but you're the best of friends."

Hiroki's eyes went wide.

"Oh my god. YOU'RE FUCKING RIGHT!" The brunette howled, throwing back his head as the other three men continued to laugh their asses off for no apparent reason.

Well, other than the fact that those brownies had something horribly wrong with them.

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later, both Misaki and Nowaki had noticed that both of their boyfriends had been strangely absent.<p>

And that was almost always a bad thing.

But while a certain number of unlikely scenarios had drifted in and out of their heads as they walked together to Slytherin, they were entirely unprepared for what they found in the common room.

Which was those four men sitting around that coffee table with their ties wrapped around their heads and laughing like complete lunatics.

Nowaki stared in disbelief at the disheveled state of his lover (Misaki recovered much more quickly as he was used to Usagi being fucking insane).

"H—Hiro-san?" He uttered in shock.

"Oh my god," Kanou said, clamping his hands over his ears in horror. "I think I'm starting to hear voices!"

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki called again, rushing over towards his lover. Takano's eyes immediately went wide.

"OH MY FUCK IT'S BERT!" He yelled excitedly, crumpling down onto the floor with laughter. Hiroki's dazed eyes caught Nowaki as well and a lop-sided grin spread over his face.

"Hey waka waka." He slurred. "When we get back to the common room, I'm gonna fuck your junk off!"

"MISAKI!" Usagi yelled, tackling his little lover with enthrallment. "WE NEED TO GO GET A BEAR BLIMP! WE HAVE TO SAVE PEOPLE FROM THE CLOCKTOWERS!"

"Usagi-san?" Misaki said in bewilderment. "Are you…alright?"

"We're all fine." Hiroki grinned, licking his lower lip. "We've almost eaten all the brownies!"

"Brownies?" Nowaki replied in shock. "Where?"

He glanced at the coffee table and grabbed the brownie pan, glancing at the almost devoured confection. But when he caught a slight smell, his eyes went wide.

"Oh my lord." He said in complete astonishment. "Where did you guys get these?"

"They were sitting on the table," Kanou replied. "The voices put them there."

Nowaki shook his head in disbelief. He was about to set the pan back on the table, when he felt something on the bottom of it. He looked underneath and pulled off a sticky note, and his eyes went wide as he read.

_TBF & DP _

And with that, Nowaki had to divide up the rest of the Hogwarts moving day in order to pull his disheveled boyfriend and the three Slytherins away from the dark side of the moon.

But even though the eventually sobered four were quite perturbed (and in Hiroki's case embarrassed out of his mind) by the entire situation, they couldn't deny one thing.

They sure had ended the year with a bang.


	29. Chapter 29

**Epilogue**

It was a new school year at Hogwarts, and Harry (having had more than his fill of the Dursleys) felt whole again as he walked around the campus of the school with his good friends Ron and Hermoine.

But nevertheless, the three could not deny that there was something strange about the school this year.

For one, the entire school was in a panic to see that the Quidditch field had been completely torched, and in the extreme case of Oliver Wood (who upon seeing the field had tried to die with his beloved by lighting himself on fire), absolutely irrevocably livid.

But it wasn't just the obvious, it was little things as well, such as graffiti that read "Show me your golden snitch badger" in a hallway and the fact that all the Slytherins were refusing to go into their common room.

Craving a few answers as to what the hell was up, Harry and his friends headed down a hallway, where they saw Professor Dumbledore talking quite tersely with Professor Snape.

"I trust that you will do all you can Headmaster?" Snape growled. "My students can hardly bear to stand in their own common room thanks to that…smell."

"I will Severus, you needn't worry about that." Dumbledore replied wearily, letting out a slight sigh. He looked up as Harry approached.

"Good morning Harry." He nodded.

"Morning Professor." Harry replied. "Um…sir, if you don't mind me asking…"

"What it is Harry?"

"Well," Harry began. "Forgive me but…is it just me or does something seem…OFF about the school this year?"

Dumbledore sighed again.

"It's not your imagination Harry, although I almost wish it was."

"Then," Harry replied. "What exactly is wrong?"

"Let me just say this Harry," The Professor replied, raising a palm. "Never in my life am I ever going to rent out the school to Japanese exchange students again. It causes far more trouble than it's worth."

Harry cocked his head.

"Oh…" He grunted, not quite understanding Dumbledore's answer.

"Headmaster," Hermoine interjected, stepping forward. "Forgive me but I also have a question."

"Yes Ms. Granger?"

"I found a book that someone left in the library. Apparently it's a genre called 'BL', but when I read it, it really wasn't anything more than a sappy, romantic storyline with random bouts of anal sex between men. What is the meaning of it?"

Ron grimaced in disgust.

"Bloody hell! Just what kind o' people rented our school?"

"The Japanese, Mr. Weasley." Dumbledore lamented. "The Japanese."

**The End.**

* * *

><p>Don't worry :) there is another epilogue and omakes to come!<p>

Mainly I just wanted to hurry up and finish this...

Because I told myself that I couldn't start another crack fic until this was done :D

If you liked this, might wanna put me on subscription :) because this next one is coming soon!

**Thank you with all my heart for seeing this fic through to the end!**

**With Love,**

**TBF101**


	30. Chapter 30

****Alright :) so we have come to the end and I want to thank everyone again for their overwhelmingly wonderfully support of this crack fic. *Bows deeply *

Arigato Gozaimasu.

This is actually an epilogue I have been dying to release...especially since I wrote it during chapter like...nine. This is a series of one liners telling us exactly what sorts of things the characters are up to after their year at Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy :)

**Thank you all so much again! ^_^ **

**Love,**

**TBF101**

* * *

><p><strong>The Aftermath: An Omake<br>**

Dumbledore never rented out the school to the Japanese again. It just wasn't worth it.

They never got the smoke smell out of the Slytherin house. Even with magic.

Hermoine is now a devoted BL fan. Her favorite couples are Trifecta and Erotica.

Harry Potter is now nicknamed "British Misaki" and he has yet to find out why.

Misaki is now nicknamed "The Chosen uke" and has been targeted by death eaters—er fangirls. Akihiko became so paranoid about said fangirls that they moved to Colorado, only to run into a man claiming to be Voldemort. No one was injured.

Hiroki and Nowaki are still leading their "fucking miserable lives." They are very happy together. And Nowaki is dangerously close to getting a puppy.

Yukina still sings early in the morning. Today's song was "My Heart will go on." Beyonce is tomorrow.

Kisa has thought about committing suicide three times. He usually gives up on the notion once he's had his morning coffee and puts in the earplugs he got for Christmas.

Tsuzuki and Hisoka did run away to Canada. They plan to appear in an upcoming lemon with lots of touching, emotional themes. Stay tuned.

Kanou took anger management classes. After he graduated he and Ayase took a vacation to Florida and went to Disney world. They got matching Goofy hats. Kanou beat up the employee running the spinning teacup ride.

Miyagi and Shinobu went with them. They hated it and ran off to Universal Studios instead. They hated it even more so they went back to the hotel and had sex. They felt much better afterwards and are on their way to Six flags. They didn't get matching anything. Shinobu was pissed.

Onodera has still not owned up. But he only has 12 days left.

Takano is still a sexy, editing stallion. He eagerly awaits the end of the 12 days.

Tsumori is still single. Hah.

Hatori continues to put up with Chiaki and vice versa. Their sex life is so so. (That is, when it isn't rape.)

Yuu is now dating a Hufflepuff named Hisashi Araki and they have never been happier. They had hot birthday recliner sex in Hisashi's apartment. For more details read "Always."

Akira and Shiki still hate each other. Their sex life is great.

Yokozawa is now dating the hot single daddy Kirishima. Fandom rejoiced.

Professor D. N. Preach , the black flamingo, and the three-headed dog are all very happy together. They regularly post ramblings on this site and vigorously support Nowaki getting a puppy.

Italy started World Wars 4, 5, 6, and 8. He claims a bowl of rice krispies told him to. Germany, naturally, was dragged into it with him.

Severus Snape is still the awesomest teacher at Hogwarts. Like a boss.

Shungiku Nakamura continued to write Junjou Romantica, knowing we will never be satisfied with any sort of ending. Plus she still has a buttload of material to work with.

J.K. Rowling never wrote any more Harry Potter books. The fanfiction is doing well.

Foamy the squirrel and his cult finally did establish themselves as a legitimate religion. They have bagels for newcomers.

Stephenie Meyer was staked through the heart by Sarah Michelle Gellar. Guess sparkles aren't that great of a power.

Frodo and Sam destroyed the ring of power in the fires of Mount Doom.

Snape kills Dumbledore. And the seventh horcrux is Harry.

Michelle Bachman was not elected president. The world breathed a sigh of relief.

The sneezing panda video is still wildly popular on Youtube. Kachoo.

And lastly,

After running into the Romantica muggles, Voldemort also got into BL. He is now a devoted fan. And his favorite couple is Terrorist. He finds the name funny.

* * *

><p>P.s. Shortly (well depending on when I get around to it) I do plan on writing a oneshot lemon describing what Tsuzuki and Hisoka get up to while they are in Canada. I will not mention this fic in it but it is within the context of this. It will be very cannon so if you want to learn more about their relationship you might wanna give it a whirl :)<p>

Thanks again! (did I say that already?...)


	31. Chapter 31

Well, this is the final chapter :)

And it isn't really a chapter at all lol. This is actually a little parody list about the canon Junjou Romantica, but since we aren't allowed to publish lists as stories, I just included it in one :)

Anyways this little creation was compiled by me, the wonderful seme **Cerberus Revised**, and the darling **Egoistfangirl**. I hope you enjoy it.

**Did I say thank you yet? And how wonderful you all truly are? JP was actually my first full length scale fanfic, and to have such great support is every writer's dream. J.K. Rowling herself said "No story lives unless someone wants to listen." And to have so many listeners has brought me infinite happines. **

**Thank you from the bottom of my yaoi loving heart :) **

**With love and gratitude,  
><strong>

**TBF101**

P.S. And btw, if you are looking for more flamingo insanity, I have a new Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi crack fic out called "Tone Deaf Beauty and the Magical Furry." So if you liked this, chances are the next will make you laugh as well :) as my insanity never dies.

Goodnight...and God's speed.

* * *

><p><strong>Omake<strong>**  
><strong>

**Things we've learned from Junjou Romantica**

(Or pretty much any Nakamura manga)

Stalking most often originates in libraries. Whether it's public or a school library doesn't matter. They will find you.

No matter your profession, you can always look like an Olympic athlete. Even if you're a bookworm or a lazy ass novelist, you have a smoking hot bod.

There are only four types of people: Gay, in denial about being gay, virgin, or female.

You're never too old for bears, pandas, rubber ducks, or trains.

Gray hair and purple eyes are completely normal.

It usually only takes about 2.9 seconds for someone to fall hopelessly in love and begin pursuing. And by the end of the episode, there will be sex.

Smoking makes you look way hotter and has no adverse health effects. Light up all you want.

If someone confesses their love to you, you are obligated to have sex with them at least once. However this doesn't not apply if you are dating and if you are confessed to, go tell your seme so he can get his gun.

When you're in love, age doesn't matter. Period.

Feel free to have sex anytime, anywhere, anyplace regardless of the situation.

Akihiko Usami can write a best selling novel in only half an episode.

Siblings and relatives suck. Considering they are often the best bet to try and steal your beau.

You're parents are either dead or you wish they were.

Drama = more sex.

An uke's opinion about anything doesn't matter.

Unless you are Hiroki Kamijou and you make your opinions matter with a twenty-pound textbook.

Ferris wheels, dark libraries, and graveyards tend to make people hornier than usual.

If you are dating a teacher who is way older than you, don't worry. You will never ever be caught because you are conveniently shielded by the true love factor.

Co-workers/ bosses/ editors will piss you off no matter who they are.

Don't try to understand the time frames of the episodes. Nobody gets them.

Ukes tend to be stupid right at the moments when they really can't afford to be.

Girls ruin everything.

Throwing things at students is not considered child abuse.

You never need to use condoms. Again, true love will protect you from STDs.

Money is available like air.

Always close your eyes during the opening credits to avoid seizures.

Cooking cabbage can go horribly, horribly wrong.

Always leave detailed notes for your lover about where you are going, who you are going with, and when you will be back.

Flowers are great gifts for men.

Your gayness can always be traced back to your painful childhood.

Novelists can justify, or talk themselves out of anything.

Red sports cars tend to scare people for no good reason.

Slicked back hair can look really stupid.

Only older, clearly gay, ukes ever reciprocate (and man do they look hot doing it). Younger ones, in obnoxious denial must only lay back and receive pleasure.

Lube is optional and in most cases never even necessary (yeah right, try telling my ass that).

Seme or Uke there is no such thing as recovery time after an ejaculation...EVER.

Sexual harassment is a good foundation for a relationship

People don't care if they walk in on you sucking your 10-years-younger-than-you lover.

If two semes are after you, there will be a third one.


End file.
